Lack of empathy

[Kb8609]

Hi, first post here.

I was wondering if anyones teens struggle with empathy? My 13yr old daughter doesnt really seem to have much and only for animals not her friends or family or other people in general

Was she always like that? I am guessing if you are noticing it now then the change is recent.
I am not a psychologist but a lack of empathy is usually a sign of being in survival mode.
How is she generally? She could be stressed, bullied , having other mental health issues.
If she is willing to talk then may be ask what is bothering her.

Hiya, I don’t want to disagree with the previous poster, who makes some interesting points, but I think teens generally are pretty self-involved, there is so much going on with them, no wonder they are a bit caught up with themselves.

Dd has been diagnosed with ASD but she seems about as empathetic as I’d expect from most 14-year-olds ie, not very generally and then will show great interest/insight at other times.

is there something going on at home or with a friend that you would have expected her to show more outward concern? Maybe she’s keeping it bottled up??

There's probably something going on with friendship groups that she doesn't want to be a part of. That's fair enough. She may have just withdrawn for now. Ask her about her friends. How they are.

It has

It has been a recent change, she used to show a lot of empathy. Her friend group are not that good, they pretty much use her and dont treat her very well but that's another problem, I cant make her not hang out with these friends as of course they're the only people that get her and understand her 🤦‍♀️ I dont know what I can do for her it's a nightmare to get into doctors these days and she is unwilling to participate in any kind of therapy and doesnt want to talk to me

My son had so much empathy, gave money to homeless, felt sorry for people he couid see were struggling - now at 13 he couldn't give two stuffs about any of them!

While therapies have its own advantage a distraction would work as well. She needs to detach herself from her friendship situation at school. Does she have a hobby? Interested in dance , drama or even boxing? Make her join anything. You might get resistance at first but gently ask her to try it.

She might make a few friends there and friends outside school are lot less drama. Plus an additional club/ activity will boost her confidence.

What sort of behaviour is she exhibiting that makes you concerned about her lack of empathy?

It's because their brains go through a massive period of plasticity during adolescence when the limbic system doesn't quite connect up with the frontal cortex. It resolves when they are around 25 yrs. Don't take it personally! They can't help it. Have a look at any book about the teenage brain.

I would however, as pp suggests, try and do everything in your power to try and make her not so reliant on a friendship group that treats her badly, as she may be having to put up with minor (or major?) hassle from them all day, and then be coming home and releasing all the pent up stress on you. So maybe suggest a different hobby outside of your immediate area, maybe DofE award scheme, a dance or karate class? It can make all the difference to have one or two friends outside of school.

Even though she is very testing ATM, she needs to hear from you that you love her and are on your side. And say it often. Because the lack of empathy extends to themselves sometimes.

my dd 14 has never been empathetic and has always been very self centred from a young age no idea why, her younger sibling on the other hand is the total opposite and shows lots of empathy although youngest dc is not yet a teen so I suppose things will change. I actually feel I sometimes don't like my dd because of her self centred behaviour one her favourite sayings at the moment is "oh well that's a you problem!" she truly is awful sometimes. I'm hoping she changes as she becomes more adult but as she's always been this way I'm doubting she will and its just the way she is. I got nothing for mothers day from her this year not even a card as apparently its not fair that they don't have an equivalent kids day! I just remember being the total opposite at her age and would love to surprise my mum with a little gift out of pocket money I had saved I loved to see my mum happy, my dd has much more money than I ever had but just doesn't care about anyone other than herself.