My almost 15 yr old was vaping in their bedroom this morning

[piemaggedon]

I don't know how to deal with this effectively because my own parents were so relaxed I could do absolutely anything when I was growing up. As such, I did more naughty things than my friends but learned to generally move back to the straight and narrow pretty quickly after realising most of the bad stuff was bad. I guess you would call it learning the hard way.

Now I'm a parent, when I come across something like this I have no idea how to deal with it. Part of me (relaxed parent side) thinks it's only vaping, could be way worse and I could lay down rules like never when his brother is awake, so maybe early morning or evening.

But then the other part of me thinks much better parents than me would have a detailed friendly chat about this explain health things, lay down boundaries. I just don't know what an excellent parent would do in this scenario because I don't class myself as having that knowledge guidance or awareness .

Please hit me with your "I'm a great parent and this is what I would do in your shoes' responses please 🙏

I discovered my son 16 vaping in his room ( could smell it so there was no denying it ) No idea if we dealt with it correctly but I didn't tell him off. I calmly asked him to come downstairs for a chat with me and DH.

We told him we know we can't stop him vaping but we want to make sure he has as much info about it as possible. We went through loads of health info and possible long term issues and obviously the possibility of addiction.

Told him that we will never allow it in our house or garden

Also said that we will not financially enable him to do it and that if he see him vaping anywhere again we will stop his pocket money and stop subsidising his social life as much as we do. He has a job so we told him if he wants to vape he will have to pay for that and absolutely everything else he does with his own earnings.

So far he seems to have stopped. He said it was a one time thing that he wanted to try out of curiosity and to fit in with his mates.

He has always been extremely anti smoking and anti drugs so we were really shocked to find him doing it.

Thanks Angels, that's amazing advice and it seems to have been really effective. Lots to take from that.

We've had the same issue in our house about 3 weeks ago. 16 yo caught with vape under pillow. We responded in much the same way as previous reply....calm, educating, not prepared to financially support this, etc. I dod also take the vapeiff him. So far he doesn't appear to have done it again. Fingers crossed for us all! Good luck🤞😁

I don't think I would issue a bollocking. A calm conversation about the effects on health/lungs etc and a bab from doing it at home.

i was smoking behind the bandstand in the local park at this age and I turned out ok!

@piemaggedon

i think @AngelsWithSilverWings post is spot on.

I think 13-14 is still young enough to be firm and say it's not allowed. There's druggy vapes around too. At 16 I would be more relaxed and just say I disapproved, explain why, and disallow it in the house. Unless they want a power struggle, asserting boundaries is helpful.

My dd (yr8 so 12/13 yo) told me the other day that all the other girls in her class vape. I was a bit taken aback initially, but thinking about it not surprising really. I know some of the other parents, and they smoke and vape, and are probably laid back enough to be supplying their kids with the stuff. Expect things are a bit stricter these days with sales to minors, checking id etc?