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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Totally freaked out by DS driving

19 replies

Confusedmaa · 11/06/2022 23:29

My DS (18) passed his driving test at Easter and has just been insured on my car so this week has been the first time he had driven since passing. The examiner had commented on how he was a good driver and he felt very safe with him. The thing is I am totally freaking out about him driving. I’m just looking for excuses for him to not use the car. I have been out with him a couple of times and I feel like he is not in control so I’ve said DH has to accompany him as I feel like my nerves just make him worry. DH thinks he is fine but just needs to get used to the car. I literally cannot cope with the thought of him driving. Is it normal to feel like this or am I a complete neurotic nutcase?

OP posts:

ItsNotNormalLove · 11/06/2022 23:34

I don't know if it's normal as such, but I felt exactly the same when mine passed her test. And actually I still feel the same now if she has to go somewhere unfamiliar. She's been driving a few years and still hasn't driven on a motorway unaccompanied. I feel ok in the car with her mostly, I think it's the other drivers that worry me more. I think as mothers we're just designed to worry about our kids but we do have to recognise when it's becoming an unhealthy level of worry and try to rein it in.

Cuckoo48 · 11/06/2022 23:38

Are you worried because he's rusty and doesn't know how to drive your particular vehicle? That is easily solved as he could practice with you for a few more hours and in different conditions.
Or are you worried because he's likely to drive like a knob and cause an accident?

Original poster

Confusedmaa · 11/06/2022 23:43

Think he just needs to get used to my car but still I’m a nervous wreck. He is really sensible and dislikes the way most of his mates drive (boy racers). I could be physically sick and can’t sleep properly thinking about it. I’m sure I’m making him nervous because he knows I’m worried.

OP posts:

FrustareNT · 11/06/2022 23:47

I just put my foot down on the imaginary brake!! Bloody terrifying TBH !
My other son doesn’t scare me at all!!

junebirthdaygirl · 11/06/2022 23:52

I think it's normal enough to be nervous with our kids driving. Even being in the passenger seat is nerve wracking as you notice things from a different angle. I remember driving up our high street with ds the first time and l felt so nervous being so near the path l thought he was going to mow everyone down. But gradually l have got used to it and enjoy travelling with them especially when they drop me to the airport and save me parking fees!! Give it time especially as he doesn't sound like a reckless driver.

Threetulips · 11/06/2022 23:53

Yes it’s scary - but as they say you don’t learn to drive until you pass your test.

TeenPlusCat · 12/06/2022 11:59

It is normal to be nervous.
Get him to help you by

starting with shorter journeys

texting you when he gets there

Tell him you know you are being a bit daft but it will help you (and it is your car), and in a month or so you will much more relaxed hopefully.

grey12 · 12/06/2022 12:06

Of course you're going to be a little scared at first. Why don't you go in the car with him a couple of times? 🙂 that's what my mum did. It was very helpful. Going to the supermarket, can you drive me?

One time I got super flustered as I let the car die in the middle of an intersection and couldn't turn it back on (like tried a good 8 times). We had to switch seats 😳

whowhatwerewhy · 12/06/2022 12:39

Totally Normal . I was nervous when both mine went out on there own after passing there tests . It does get better over time .

LookAtMyCircumstance · 12/06/2022 12:54

This is what the Oh God handle is for. Also worth putting a rolled up jumper on the floor so you can slam your brake foot down on it.
They need as much practice as possible so you've got to suck it up.

bookmarket · 12/06/2022 13:18

I made my DD use p plates for awhile after passing her test. It seems like a good idea to let other drivers know they are a new driver to give them some space and patience. Although she told me she thought people overtook her dangerously when she had the p plates on the car.

I had her drive short familiar routes only to start with and built up from there. It's easier to set ground rules when they're using your car!

I was on edge for a few weeks but became more relaxed as time went on. I still expect a message to say they got there safely.

Threetulips · 12/06/2022 13:30

and in a month or so you will much more relaxed hopefully

it’s been 3 years!!!

Saying that the worst is them leaving and then your hear sirens blaring - ahhhh

Blanketpolicy · 12/06/2022 18:23

ds passed in November and says he is a much better driver when I am not there. I can remember that same when I was a new driver, passengers, especially my parents, made me nervous.

If he is happy to go out on his own to get experience and more confidence let him get on with it on familiar roads to begin with. Passing his test shows he has sufficient skills to start driving on the roads himself.

Iamanunsafebuilding · 12/06/2022 18:34

I encouraged both mine to get out and drive as soon as they passed their tests. My DS makes me nervous but I feel very safe with my DD! Emotionally I pretend that they aren't out driving, otherwise I just worry 😂😂.

My DD is just about to start a job where she will commute by motorway every day, I'm definitely in denial about it!

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 13/06/2022 09:05

Dd1 has her test next week. She has her own little car which I’ve been taking her out in. The thought of her driving alone did scare me a lot, but I’ve driven with her so much now that actually im a bit more relaxed about it now. I feel she has good control of the car and knows what to do in various situations. That’s why I wanted her to have her own car to practice in. Fingers crossed she passes. She should do unless something really out of the ordinary crops up.

im sure once you’re more used to your ds being out in the car on his own you’ll become a bit more relaxed about it.

frydae · 13/06/2022 09:07

I’m sure I’m making him nervous because he knows I’m worried.

It's normal to worry, it's not normal to pass it on.

frydae · 13/06/2022 09:09

Let him go alone and stop putting conditions on it the your DH must accompany him. Making him more nervous instead of giving him time to go off and get used to being a driver had the potential to make him a bad driver. Send him out in the car next time he is going somewhere and don't make your DH go with him.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 13/06/2022 09:20

My kids are 32 and 29, both driving since they were 17/18, and I've only recently started feeling less nervous when they are driving even though the've been excellent drivers for ages now.

They were allowed/encouraged to drive alone from passing their test but not allowed to take friends in their car for a good 6 months until we were sure they were settled and sensible.

crossstitchingnana · 13/06/2022 09:48

My dd22 recently passed and I feel totally safe with her. When she was learning? Terrified.

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