Anyone got a teenage DS who ISN'T into gaming?

[Moorlander]

My DS is 13 and has never enjoyed computer games, he likes being outdoors, cooking, art etc. This is beginning to cause problems as all his previous friends and people he knows from school spend most of their free time on the Xbox or similar, and this is their main social interaction. He obviously hasn't built up the skills needed to join in but he genuinely doesn't seem to want to, he just doesn’t like it. Anyone got any tips on how he could keep friendships going when he misses out on this aspect of socialising? Is it even possible? I would be really interested to find out what has worked for any similar children out there.

My ds not keen on his x box, but does go on for maybe 2hrs Saturdays and 2hrs Sundays. He says that’s the only way he knows if his friends are going out to the cinema/ party etc…. He doesn’t enjoy the gaming but mainly just chats with his mates.
your ds might just have to pretend occasionally!

Yes, maybe! Worth thinking about going on for a short time just so he's involved in a small way Though he does say that they don't do much social chit chat it's mostly all about the game.

yr9 DS does some phone games & has a VR, but his current friendship group is very much not based on doing those things together
Things I know they did recently together, or are interested in:

Air Cadets (which is a giant huge social life in itself)
cooking, baking
Just hanging out at the teenager playground
Trampolening
going to films
days & meals out

That's reassuring @lljkk good to hear that those friendship groups do exist out there, maybe he just needs to find his people.

What about trying cadets - sea, air, fire, police…
or scouts? That is usually outdoor based and you can progress up as you get older.
Both would provide friendships with similar young people.

Good ideas, we have always tried to persuade him towards Scouts, for some reason he is reluctant but I agree it would be really good for him.

My ds drops in and out of gaming but doesn't play the same games as most of his friends (FIFA) so unless they are in a Fortnite phase, which has died off again recently, he doesn't really interact socially through gaming.
He does have social media apps on his phone though which we've allowed, since otherwise he wouldn't have any means of keeping in touch with friends, arranging to go out etc.

Meant to say, ds also plays rugby, which is a big part of his social life during rugby season. Does your ds have any hobbies where he is with a group?

He used to do a martial art but has recently stopped so he does need something to replace it. He's not really into team sports but I'm thinking something like Scouts, climbing or even chess might suit him. There is an additional difficulty that he has become quite anxious and is reluctant to try new things which obviously doesn't help in this situation!

Hi, my ds15 has never even owned a gaming console - he’s totally uninterested but did go through a coding phase. It probably did exclude him from some of the school chat for a while but I think most have now come out the other side and realise there’s more to life. He managed to fill his time with Air Cadets, 2 sports he loves and a music group. Thank God he didn’t think life was lived online to be fair!!

My 15, soon to be 16 is massively into sports and thinks gaming is a waste of time, he could be playing cricket. He plays cricket Saturday and Sunday and long matches lasting 6 hours each. Karate for 2 hours Tuesdays. Runs 5k on Wednesday. Swimming squad training Thursday. As soon as out of cricket season he will go back to swimming 3 times a week. He goes on Discord occasionally when he is chatting to school friends. He thinks kids who spend all day and night gaming are losers.

We don’t have a gaming console (DSs13&15) and it’s no biggie as they seem to do all their socialising through football and school. I don’t think not having a console is that unusual.

Fitness is essential for good mental health so definitely try to get him into something, even if it just requires a walk to the bus stop.

DS 17 games a little bit and that started in covid as a way of staying in touch.

He spends much more time with friends playing tennis (the local club is amazing and Friday night morphs from a teen training session into pizza and chat). I think membership is £70 for the year & training £8 but all other playing is free.
He has played hockey from year 8 and last year played u18 and mens.
Films as a PP and bowling. Oh and just started going to quiz night at the pub.

He has friends who are keen on climbing and go to an indoor place. A few also do Parkrun. Maybe your DS needs to ask just one other if they would like to go climbing and take it from there?

I really wish he was more sporty! Our daughter was big into gymnastics at his age which kept her busy and not reliant on screens. Climbing is a good idea though. He is generally quite anxious in addition to not liking gaming so it's not straightforward but lots to think about, thanks