How much to spend on friend’s birthday presents?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd is 15 and a lot of her friends have had birthday parties recently.

We give her an allowance of £60/month that should include non essential clothing and friend’s presents. Dd is moaning that it’s not enough but I point out that she needs to spend less on presents and spend less on herself if she’s got parties coming up.

She likes to buy nice presents for her friends and would spend £15 or so which is quite a big chunk.

Am I being mean? Maybe £60 doesn’t go that far these days.

I think it depends. My DC get a £45 clothing allowance each, and I buy friends' presents. They are 15 and 14. Everything else they earn for chores up to £12 a week but they are lazy so often don't get this.
Have spent £20 on close friends but recently DD went for birthday meal with acquaintance (each guest paid for themself) and gave £10.

Interesting. Maybe I should reduce the allowance and buy friends’ presents myself?

I would talk to her about the whole 'gift buying' culture and how it often doesn't give anyone good value/what they want as well setting up social expectations which others may struggle to return.

Why don't they simply spend time together/bake a cake for each other?

I would not be encouraging buying expensive presents for anyone - especially not for those who have no experience of earning money and don't understand the effort required to generate it.

It’s difficult @willingtolearn if her friends buy her presents.

Dd has a 3 quid limit for general friends. Bath bomb, bar of chocolates, face pack etc... Better friends have had anything from a Harry Potter box set to a Pandora ring. So about 20 /30 quid for them.
Dd is happy with this plan!

I agree it is difficult if it has already become their 'normal'. If she wanted to change it (although it doesn't sound like she wants to) she would have to reset expectations around her birthday.

The problem is she wants to give and receive expensive presents with no effort or budgeting on her part - she doesn't want to lose anything, just wants you to pick up the bill.

I don't think this is realistic - we all have to live to a budget and make hard decisions about where we spend our money.

Yes that’s true @willingtolearn I suppose she feels it would be embarrassing for her to give a smaller cheaper gift if others are spending more.

My DD and her friends all put in £5 and the birthday person can pick what they would like. Think the last one got a football shirt.

I give my teens £10 for a small number of close friends' presents and they can add more from allowance if they like. One DD does top up as their group swaps more expensive gifts but the others don't bother. If I'm in a good mood I might handover £5 for other friends if there is a party or gathering, otherwise not.

How much allowance do they get @prettytoes?

£50 per month plus we pay for phone, bus pass and basic clothes.

We don’t do an allowance for my 15yo (her choice). I buy her close friends presents (£15 is the norm but it’s only for a handful of friends) and also pay for her clothes, phone and food, stationery etc. I put money in her current account when she is going somewhere and she has her own money in there too but doesn’t spend much. It costs me much less than £60 a month so I’m happy with this little arrangement.

That sounds good @CeeceeBloomingdale can we swap dds please? 😂

I used to buy dd's clothes but it led to no end of arguments so I started giving her an allowance to teach her to budget.

@kittythames that's a great system! Like Secret Santa for birthdays. I might encourage dd to at least do a shared present.

For one group of friends we buy the presents, they are family friends and I normally spend around £25 for each girl.

School friends - they buy a token gift or sweets they then share. No big parties luckily, they meet in a park and hang out. It's very low key luckily.