Mum's rights??

[Ftgyh]

15 year old been lying and carrying on with an 18 Yr old. Asked not to until GCSE were over. Massive argument took her phone off her and she then runs away to Dad's who lives 200 miles away. Missed 1 GCSE. Is it bad that he can put up with her antics and the fact she believes she has rights?? Where my rights since I've the one who has bought her up for the last 5 years ?? My house, my rules??

Although I love the fact that young people are now taught to stick up for themselves the whole “I’ve got rights” thing drives me nuts - with rights come responsibilities. I would be very tempted to contact her dad and tell him to deal with it, missing GCSEs is not good.

What is it about some 18+ lads who target 15 yr old girls? I hate them. GCSEs can be retaken I’d be sorting the boyfriend situation first.

Your daughter does have rights but you have the responsibility to keep her safe. Having an 18yo boyfriend is not a right and doesn’t keep her safe. He might be the nicest guy so willing to wait until after GCSEs but it doesn’t sound like it.

The ‘my house, my rules’ is going to rub your daughter up the wrong way. It always did with me. Instead of just dictating rules at her, explain it and have a conversation.

His Mum is encouraging it and bring him to our house. I've not even met him. She hooked up with him via the Internet. I've packed her room up and her Dad can deal with it. I don't need this treatment??

Yes, this - in spades!!

Those who quote they have rights and entitlements always forget/ignore/just don't realise that with those come responsibilities and consequences.

What rights do you believe you have?
You say your house, your rules. She has chosen to not be in that house so your rules don't apply.

You say you've brought her up for the last 5 years. Where was she before that? Unless that was a typo.

From your PP there appears to be a lot more going on than just the boyfriend. Without the history the following might seem unrealistic. But remember she’s 15 and thinks she knows it all which of course she doesn’t. Now is the time to let her know that you’re there for her not kick her out. She needs your guidance. Really listen to her and then she’s more likely to listen to you.

Being a single parent made me into a massive control freak. You have total power over everyone in your household. They're children, they have to do as you say. But that has to change as they get older. They need more freedom, they need to make decisions and mistakes for themselves, with a little light guidance of course!

I share my home with three teenagers and we don't fight or argue often. If voices are raised they are usually followed by an unprompted apology. This may be my house but I chose to bring these children into it, I don't own them and I don't have a right to control them. We discuss things and we reach a consensus. Part of growing up is learning how to compromise, how can you teach her that if you're unwilling to do it yourself?