13 year old doesn’t hang out with friends

Antares444 · 2022-06-04T10:39:34+00:00

My 13 y/o son is a very independent little man who seems to be extremely happy staying at home on weekends playing with the computer, reading or watching series with us. He has a few very good friends in his class and likes going to school but he refuses to meet anybody after school or on weekends. I see groups of teens hanging out and I wonder if there is something I’m not seeing. When I was 13 I was outside all the time. He says “I already see my friends in school, why see them outside?”. Everybody says I should let him be and enjoy by himself if he is happy, and he is. I just feel he is missing a lot of good moments with friends.. Also, times have changed since I was 13 and we live in a big city with big distances so he needs a ride for everything and he is too lazy, he confessed. Should I stop worrying or is this a red flag for you?

Comedycook · 04/06/2022 11:41

Mines the same. He's popular with plenty of friends but he hasn't seen any of them all half term. I feel really sad when I see groups of teens out and about.

liveforsummer · 04/06/2022 11:41

I would be concerned about not wanting to do anything, just watch screens etc. is he enthusiastic about days out? Does he have hobbies/activities that get him out the home?

Original poster

Antares444 · 04/06/2022 11:45

liveforsummer · 04/06/2022 11:41

I would be concerned about not wanting to do anything, just watch screens etc. is he enthusiastic about days out? Does he have hobbies/activities that get him out the home?

Yeah, we go hiking, cycling and he loves traveling abroad with us so we are not always at home. It’s the social part of his life (hanging out with friends) what concerns me. Better said, the lack of interest in socializing.

OP posts:

DuchyCazalet · 06/06/2022 13:48

My 14yo DD is the same and I came on to post but don't have any advice. She never has social issues at school but doesn't ever bother with friends outside school. She won't take up any hobbies. She complains when we go on walks. Feel like I have to entertain her the whole time, otherwise she'd just be on her screen. Myself and DH never seem to get a break from her and our 12yo DS. We don't have any family - cousins etc, that they can hang out with it. Its stifling for us and not the childhood I'd hope they have. DS is better in that he plays some sports and has scouts and is more social. But during the holidays they don't have friends that they regularly hang out with.

DuchyCazalet · 06/06/2022 13:49

Plus they get sick of each other's company and start squabbling. So not like we're all enjoying being together.

MolliciousIntent · 06/06/2022 13:51

I think at 13 this is quite normal for boys, and you'll probably find it changes in a few years.

Swayingpalmtrees · 06/06/2022 14:10

My dd was looking forward to a break from everything to do with school this half term, and she likes her friends! It was only a week, and a nice opportunity to enjoy being at home and not being forced to do anything.
I was the same at their age, I enjoyed reading endlessly and by the time I was sixteen I was not seen for dust. Partying all of the time!
I let my dc choose within reason how they want to enjoy their holidays and they know better than us how to decompress and unwind. I think it is great he wants to do activities with you and you should enjoy it whilst he is still so enthusiastic about it!! [grin

nicerucksack · 06/06/2022 14:20

This is our experience too. Hangs out with people and has a laugh with them at school, but never meets up with them on weekends/ half term etc.

I have a feeling I read on a similar thread a while back a comment by a secondary school teacher agreeing that this is a fairly common phase for many (especially boys). What's weird is that in Y6/7 they were always getting together at the park, but then it seemed to stop.

I guess just as we used to with the toddler phase, we have to repeat "it's a phase" like a mantra even when they're teenagers! Better than hanging around on street corner and getting into bother, I suppose.

Original poster

Antares444 · 06/06/2022 15:04

DuchyCazalet · 06/06/2022 13:48

My 14yo DD is the same and I came on to post but don't have any advice. She never has social issues at school but doesn't ever bother with friends outside school. She won't take up any hobbies. She complains when we go on walks. Feel like I have to entertain her the whole time, otherwise she'd just be on her screen. Myself and DH never seem to get a break from her and our 12yo DS. We don't have any family - cousins etc, that they can hang out with it. Its stifling for us and not the childhood I'd hope they have. DS is better in that he plays some sports and has scouts and is more social. But during the holidays they don't have friends that they regularly hang out with.

As if I was reading our own story. I truly hope it will get better. I also feel he's not having the childhood he should have and I hear stories from my relatives that have kids, that they go out on dinners, short trips, visit friends, etc.. because their teenage kids have parties, and sleepovers, but my husband and I never ever go alone anywhere. Nobody here to help us either (just a very old and sick mother-in-law). People are too busy with their own families and my family lives far away. I also need to entertain him sometimes to keep him away from the computer and it's exhausting, especially after a full day at work. I thought that at 13 they can entertain themselves but I swear I will hate board games forever 😀

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Original poster

Antares444 · 06/06/2022 15:04

MolliciousIntent · 06/06/2022 13:51

I think at 13 this is quite normal for boys, and you'll probably find it changes in a few years.

Amazing message of hope for me, thanks 😀

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Original poster

Antares444 · 06/06/2022 15:06

Swayingpalmtrees · 06/06/2022 14:10

My dd was looking forward to a break from everything to do with school this half term, and she likes her friends! It was only a week, and a nice opportunity to enjoy being at home and not being forced to do anything.
I was the same at their age, I enjoyed reading endlessly and by the time I was sixteen I was not seen for dust. Partying all of the time!
I let my dc choose within reason how they want to enjoy their holidays and they know better than us how to decompress and unwind. I think it is great he wants to do activities with you and you should enjoy it whilst he is still so enthusiastic about it!! [grin

Thanks! I was also quiet and at home all day reading until I was 16, then I started having real fun :) Maybe it's just a phase and I might come back in a few years to complain about never seeing my son at home 😀

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Original poster

Antares444 · 06/06/2022 15:08

nicerucksack · 06/06/2022 14:20

This is our experience too. Hangs out with people and has a laugh with them at school, but never meets up with them on weekends/ half term etc.

I have a feeling I read on a similar thread a while back a comment by a secondary school teacher agreeing that this is a fairly common phase for many (especially boys). What's weird is that in Y6/7 they were always getting together at the park, but then it seemed to stop.

I guess just as we used to with the toddler phase, we have to repeat "it's a phase" like a mantra even when they're teenagers! Better than hanging around on street corner and getting into bother, I suppose.

You're right, it's probably just a phase. He's my first and only child and before he was born there weren't any other small kids in the family so I have zero experience with teenage boys, we have no family here and our friends all have girls or toddlers so we have nobody to talk to about parenting a teenager. Luckily there are forums where I can bug people 😅

OP posts:

Remmy123 · 06/06/2022 16:15

Same with my 13 year old boy - he was always very popular but no interest in hanging our with mates

Henny12 · 28/02/2024 07:10

Hi

just wondering whether things have changed since this post or feelings around this have changed?

my ds is similar and I’m hoping it’s a phase!

Wishlist99 · 28/02/2024 07:11

My ds also similar and he’s just turned 15. I’m really sad about it.

Vettrianofan · 28/02/2024 07:25

DS (13) meets up with friends occasionally to cycle but not that often. I would be a bit concerned that he isn't mingling outside of school. More from the social element. I encourage mine to meet up with friends rather than looking at screens.

TR888 · 28/02/2024 07:27

Same with my kids? Do you this this generation simply don't socialise in the same way as ours? I don't want to generalise, but it seems to me it's common for teenagers not to do much with friends over the weekend or school holidays.

My take on this is that many young people (not all) don't really know how to be sociable outside the school environment - how to just talk for extended periods of time, which is what happens a when you hang out with friends. Possibly because they're so used to interact via screen. I find it sad.

Comedycook · 28/02/2024 07:37

TR888 · 28/02/2024 07:27

Same with my kids? Do you this this generation simply don't socialise in the same way as ours? I don't want to generalise, but it seems to me it's common for teenagers not to do much with friends over the weekend or school holidays.

My take on this is that many young people (not all) don't really know how to be sociable outside the school environment - how to just talk for extended periods of time, which is what happens a when you hang out with friends. Possibly because they're so used to interact via screen. I find it sad.

Definitely. It's really sad. For my ds, covid hit when he was just starting to go out alone and meet friends in the park. Lockdown put an end to that and socially he never really recovered. He has lots of friends but sits inside most of the holidays. And yes, also screens. They are never bored. Back in the 1990s, we were often bored, hardly any TV channels! We had to go out. My ds is 16 soon...back when I was 16, I'd be getting the train to London, going to nightclubs! His life is so different