Worrying about DD facing judgement

[Barryallen]

As the title suggests, I am worried that my DD will face judgement and bullying because of how she dresses. I’ve just kissed her and waved her off to Prom (we’re in the US and she’s going to this one with mutual friends) wearing a man’s suit and shirt. She hasn’t worn female clothing for around 18 months now and cut her hair short a year ago. The suit is lovely and she had it tailored to fit. She has been mistaken for a boy on a few occasions now- it doesn’t bother her and I’m working hard to not let it bother me. There are a few nods to still being girly- she has her hair colored and eyebrows done, fake tan etc but no make up.
We’re lucky that we live in a liberal accepting area and her high school is forward thinking and accepting to all types of teens. She has a large number of friends, plays sports and works. I often have other parents tell me how awesome she is.
I guess I just worry that she will face judgement and bigotry moving out into the world (she will be going to college next year)
Honestly I’m worried that she will face judgement and remarks this evening (the Prom isn’t for her school) but she’s gone off happily.
She’s had a rough year with a toxic friendship to overcome, questions about her sexuality, issues with possible gender identity (although she denies this to us we ended up checking her phone last year because of the toxic friendship)
She finally seems on a much more even keel, school work is on track and happier than I’ve seen her in a long time- I just want to protect her I guess.
I’m just venting I think- it’s so hard because although her generation are so different and accepting I do know older generations aren’t so accepting and supportive.
I was happy with her smile when I asked ti take her picture before she left though. A year ago I was worried I wouldn’t see it again.

Sounds like she is doing a great job already. Well done mum !

Sounds like both you and her are doing well, try not to worry too much, people are more accepting these days, depending where she goes to college/work, your support will mean a lot to her.

She will be just fine. Honestly she'd be more judged if she picked a "wrong" dress.

The harsh reality is that she will face judgement, criticism and unpleasant relationships throughout her life. In the same way that we all do from time to time. Some people enjoy criticising, bullying and tearing others down and if you're unlucky enough to encounter one then they'll use whatever ammunition they find.
So, the real trick is to teach her to like and approve of herself, style herself in the way she feels most comfortable and date people who treat her well and make her feel amazing, regardless of their sex.
Changing herself to "fit in" rarely works and thankfully younger people now feel much freer to explore who they really want to be.
Your dd sounds amazing, make sure you tell her that every day.

for what is worth, I’ve found university and the real world less judgmental than high school
not to say there’s not judgmental people on the real world, there are nasty people everywhere - but by the time I was done with college/university I had grown very confident so judgement from strangers was easier to just let slide
sounds like she’s already confident on her own skin, so for me it sounds as if she will be fine

I love it when girls wear a suit to the prom.
Happens most years- and they look happy and themselves. Refreshing!

Women look great in tuxedos. Hope she had a great time.

You know what, your post made me smile, your daughter is away happy with a great bunch of friends who accept her, she's left that toxic friend behind and happy in her life whilst she figures out who she is.
Yes at some point she will face judgements, we all do, she might have it worse but you sound like a fab support, she'll figure it out.

I laughed at the comment earlier that she'd be judged worse for a bad dress 😂😂😂 so true!! I hope she has an amazing time.

I wore a tux and top hat to a huge outdoor college event years ago. I was warm, had proper shoes and pockets and had compliments all evening. At other events prior to that party, I had frozen myself in a dress, had sore feet from high heels, and had to carry around and mind a little bag all night. Because that was 'normal' for girls. It was a revelation.
Suits are great on women if they like to wear them. I think it sounds terrific.

Thanks everyone. I try to tell myself every day that what you’ve all said is true. It’s just she was in such a bad place last year I still worry that she’s putting on a front somewhat.
I agree that girls often look great in suits- hers was a full on men’s suit so no ‘girliness’ as part of the outfit although I thought she looked sharp! I would think she would have been mistaken for a boy by many- I was just worried as it wasn’t her usual group of friends from her school!
Spoke to her this morning and she had a great time- said everyone was friendly, food was good and she ended up at an after party so didn’t get home until 1.30! She had a couple of drinks (obviously not allowed here as she has to be 21 but we know she does in moderation and allow it- we grew up in England so we were drinking at 15- she’s almost 18!) and left her car there and got a ride home- all responsible stuff.
Thanks all for the boost- I felt a lot better after reading all the replies!!

My dd will be wearing a gold suit to prom. Kids embrace difference these days, she'll be fine and we'll done for raising her to have the confidence to be herself

Just saw update excellent! Dds is a mens gold suit!

A gold suit- that sounds awesome! It is a different world nowadays for sure but I still worry about her. Such is the life of a teen Mum!

It sounds like she's getting all the support she needs to express herself. If gender identity or her identity in general is a problem or just very prevalent maybe a counsellor could help? But if she's happy and knows she can talk to you, don't worry about judgement.

Good for her she sounds ace! Hope she had a fab time. I hate the whole prom look - the boys all look like estate agents and the girls seem to want to look like blow up dolls. Good for your daughter for doing her own thing.x

Ooh it's like a Mean Girls moment when Janice goes to prom in a tux 😁Love it! You can't control what people think and if she was that bothered about potential stares she would have worn a dress. She's being her authentic self, she'll have a fabulous time.