Son threatens to run away

[swampduck1]

My ds 14 is threatening to run away because he can't get what he wants when he wants it.
We have endless arguments over things mainly ridiculous things but because he can't get his way he threatens this now.
What can I do?

I've tried grounding him for being disrespectful and rude, but it doesn't work. I've tried being nice and understanding but the bottom line he just wants to do reckless things- stay out late, vape, drink, have his girlfriend sleep over in his bed. I asked him yesterday to spend hr of time on homework and study before he plays his games and he kicked off says I'm the worst mum ever etc..
Today he says he will run away if I ground him.

Negotiate where you can - and where you can't, stand calm but firm. He needs you to put in some boundaries because he is spiralling.

I'd ignore stuff like study and homework if he is actually going to school - let them deal with it. One less source of friction.

Think about what he gets from you and how he earns it.

Where is his dad? Do they have a relationship?

He lives in New York. Ibe suggested he spend the summer with him if he doesn't want to live here. I've made it clear I don't want him to go but I have no other option.

He refused to go..
Says he will leave home if I made him.

I would make him talk through what exactly he'd do if he ran away. What would he live on? Where would he sleep? Would his girlfriend go with him? Has he actually seen people living on the streets?

Why on earth is he turning down a summer in New York?

At 14, i'd say let him try. Where would he go? Especially if he has a comfortable life at home.