Need help - just found out dd15 is self harming

[Thisismynewname123]

I'm in a panic. I should have known - I've been asking her for weeks what the scratches on her hands and thighs are, but she had an apparently valid reason each time. She broke down this evening and told me, and I'm at a loss. I knew she was struggling mentally, but I don't know what to do and how to help. I don't know the right things to say. Please help me.

Text?

OP, I could have written your post, I'm exactly where you are. I discovered the cuts on dd's arm recently, having been conscious for some time of her covering up, but she always had a 'plausible' excuse. We have been on a CAMHS waiting list for 18 months for her anxiety and OCD and although I've been on to them again I have to say they were really no support at all. My GP has now agreed to write to them to try to escalate her up the list.

Her school sent me lists of online resources, and I've picked out some and emailed them to dd (rather than try to discuss them with her). It's tricky though as lots of the self harm help sites go into detail about other types of self harm, which I don't want her to read about and try to explore. (I know she will already know, I'm just scared of bringing them to her attention).

My dd said she felt relieved I knew, and has, as far as I can tell, not self harmed in the 3 weeks since I found out. Ive asked her each week, in a supportive way, if she's had any thoughts of self harm or acted on them and she's said no. We are currently on a mini break where I feel I'm treading on eggshells as she's being a bit moody/anxious but I don't want to say anything negative incase it triggers her.

Pleas do pm me if you want to talk further.

@Romeiswheretheheartis , thank you for your message. It sounds like a very similar situation. I spoke to the pastoral lead at her school and they spoke to her before half term. They actually suggested the elastic band flicking to her, so I'm glad that came from an outsider who she will listen to more than me. She said to me that they didn't understand what's bothering her - she said they kept coming back to her being overly stressed about school (she does take school very seriously), but I don't think that's the case as they emailed me afterwards to say that she is mostly lonely and not able to express to her friends what's bothering her.

She is definitely relieved that I know, and I think she just wanted me to take charge. I've now got her a psychiatrist assessment next week (privately. Waiting for CAMHS will be several weeks at a minimum).