anyone else have a depressed teen - can we talk?

[letsallmeetupinthehyear2000]

Just that really - I have a 17 yr old who has been depressed for months - finally got a F2F GP appt and meds prescribed. Too soon for them to work yet but I am really struggling and just need to talk. They don't get out of bed - have failed one college course - don't pick up anything in room - don't want to do anything I suggest - complete lack of respect for my things - use my room when there's is too messy - constantly buy and junk food - throw any healthy meals I make as being disgusting - vape a lot - awake all night - sleep all day - it's really really affecting me and getting me down. I live alone apart from teen who is sometimes with Dad - can't talk to family - mental health doesn't exist in their world - very shallow relationship with teen grandparents who are getting on quite a bit now to be fair. All other grandkids 'doing really well' (although prob not really but you get the idea)
I just need someone to talk to about this - friends are not at same stage - I'm an older Mum - feel judged by friends who don't have kids - can feel them raising their internal eyebrows...

What does dad say about their behaviour ?

he's just as frustrated as me but he is better able to remain calm - he has no financial worries unlike me

Can dad have you child more and regularly to give you a break ?
I had a child who refused to clean their room, was happy to live in it dirty, so I went in every week and bottomed it because I didn’t want my house like that.

I had a very severely depressed teen a few years ago (aged 16-18 was the worst period). Self-harming, suicidal ideation, terrible self-esteem and some anger issues as well. We took ours to A&E and asked for an emergency psych assessment, which did happen and a referral to CAMHS was made. The provision made for our child was far from brilliant, but it did make them feel as though something was being done, that we were taking their crisis seriously and were in support of them. We just tried to remove all pressures at home, surround them with love and support and always be available to listen. They could wake us up at 3am if they were feeling awful and needed company. In our case there were serious issues at school as well (bullying, and poor provision for our child's SEN, and the pressure of masking in a Ready To Learn academy with a very rigid and repressive approach) so we did a lot of advocating for them there, and did things like withdrawing them from PE when they were being beaten up in the changing rooms.

It's incredibly hard, bruising and frightening having a teen with MH problems but I hope it helps to say that in our case, there was light at the end of the tunnel. Ours is nearly 20 now, doing well at uni and although they have some MH issues ongoing, they are proactive at managing them, have good strong friendships and are very self-aware. I would say the most important thing is unconditional, non-judgemental support and making home a haven, away from all the pressures and a place where there is always a listening ear.

I have tried that. I just am so sick of cleaning up - bought new stuff from H&M bag thrown on floor, contents fallen out onto filthy carpet - 'don't want them' so I need to take them back!

Thanks Greensleeves that sounds really scary - so pleased that you all got through it ok. Mine doesn't have suicidal ideation at the moment thank goodness but I have just cancelled a night away with friends just in case. I am not very good at love bombing - I try for a few hours/day and then I get really frustrated - because it has gone on so long and I feel really disrespected. I know it is the depression but it's so hard

I know it is the depression but it's so hard

Mine has anxiety rather than depression but when he's feeling bad I get the brunt of it. His anxiety comes across as aggressive questions, so asking the same things over and over about times or bus times or food or anything, whatever is on his mind at the time, getting right in my face.

I'm the same, I know it's anxiety talking but it is so hard to deal with when it's directed at you and it goes on for so long.

Solidarity op, I can't offer much else I'm afraid.

Thanks 😊

Young minds offers advice and support to the young person and the parents.
there is an advice line and web chat/email support available. It’s so hard. I’m burnt out with the worry tbh.

www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline-and-webchat/

link for support for DS, if he feels like engaging
www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/

Thanks for the info I have been reading their website. Found this guy on the internet tonight by accident too joshshipp.com/about/

My DD was suffering really bad anxiety & depression during the last 2 years. She lost all of y11, too anxious to go to school, too depressed and tired to do any work at home. The game changer for her was the anti depressants, after around 6-8 weeks we saw a marked improvement in energy levels and very very slowly she was able to engage in therapy and general life more.

After 8 months on meds she was just about well enough to start y12, though attendance is running at ~75% (partly because her therapy exhausts her so much).

I've been having weekly counselling by phone for 18 months now, it was the only way for me not to get drowned along with her.

Best wishes

Thanks Teenpluscat - I’m so pleased your dd is feeling better. I wish her well - as long as the school are supportive too that really helps. I think there is an epidemic of mh issues with our youngsters and no one seems to have a solution as to how we deal with it. Ive finally realised I need to work on my own anger issues because that’s what’s stopping me giving her the full love and support she needs. I am angry and sad all the time and much too critical - because I am tired and sad and frustrated. I just really didn’t want Dd to throw away her education because she’s so clever and funny and has so much real potential - it’s heartbreaking but I really need to let it go and work on myself now x