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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Daughter attacked need advice

29 replies

Christinatherabbit · 21/05/2022 21:46

I need some impartial advice as I don't feel like me and my daughter are being very supported by family here.
Dd is 16 and just started GCSES. On Friday she was attacked by another student (female) and left with considerable injuries. Not enough for hospital treatment but bad. She is understandably shaken and very upset. There was no back ground or history between them. I don't want to go into too much detail as too risk outing my daughter but it was pretty much unprovoked. The girl demanded my daughter do something and my daughter refused and that was that! She attacked her. It was in a busy corridor all caught on schools cctv with multiple witnesses that all back up the same story.
The girl has been suspended in the short term and I will be going for a meeting on Monday. Would I be unreasonable to say I want her expelled? There is multiple posts of this girl now on social media bragging and laughing about what she did to my daughter and older family members of her have been requesting my daughter as a friend on social media. She has never met any of them and had never so much as spoken a word to this girl until this event. She needs to go back obviously and finish GCSES as is supposed to be staying on for 6th form. This girl is not taking hers yet. My dad has sent me multiple links of what would happen if this girl gets expelled and says I need to think carefully before I ruin her future (I really couldn't care less about her future at this point more concerned with my own daughter!) My brother has helpfully told me she needs to stand up for herself and should be taught to fight back (mind blown by that!!!) My DH keeps saying it makes no sense as if somehow my daughter must have done something although every bit of evidence including cctv witnesses and my own daughters word suggests she really didn't! I just don't know what to ask for here and how to deal with it? She made threats to kill her during the attack if that's relevant.
So as not to drip feed the school couldn't give me much background although I did ask them if there was anything like a disorder or something...anything...that could explain this behaviour and he said no. I feel so helpless and stressed
Anyone been through similar or any thoughts of how I deal with this and what I should be asking or expecting from the school

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 21/05/2022 21:51

You can't demand she is expelled that's not up to you but can say you don't want the two to come into contact with each other. We've had students like this towards the end of Yr 11 who have gone off the rails that are only allowed in the meeting rooms at the front of the school and are taught in there and can't get to the rest of the school, they start later and go home earlier too to ensure they are not on site at home time.

Motnight · 21/05/2022 21:54

You need to ask the school how your child is going to be kept safe whilst there.

I think that you should also report to the police.

Awful situation for your dd.

RoseslnTheHospital · 21/05/2022 21:59

I would report to the police. The fact it happened in a school building doesn't change the fact that it was assault.

As PP have said you can't demand anything in relation to the attacker. What you can do is expect the school to be able to tell you how they will ensure your DD is kept safe at school. So, not to be in the same space as the attacker, including at breaks and between lessons etc etc.

Viviennemary · 21/05/2022 22:00

I think the girl will be expelled for this unprovoked violrnce. There will be arrangements made for her to transfer to another school or college. I agree with informing the police too.,

daretodenim · 21/05/2022 22:04

Photograph the injuries if you haven't already. I'd also call the police. I'm not sure what they will do but at least having it logged means there's an official record of it.

And the school are not allowed to give you any info about this girl. So you need to focus your demands on your DD only. So "how will the school guarantee her safety now?" should be the central theme to questions. You can actually doing it with barely mentioning the perpetrator. And that's good because you want the school focussed on your DDs safety.

MissyB1 · 21/05/2022 22:07

Unfortunately you can’t demand anything in relation to consequences for the girl at school. As others have pointed out though you can demand a clear plan to keep your dd safe.
I would definitely contact the police.

RoseslnTheHospital · 21/05/2022 22:07

If it's on cctv and the school has witness statements then the police should be able to put together a case for charging this girl with assault/ABH depending on the injuries.

SpringSunshine09 · 21/05/2022 22:09

I am typically an empathetic person but could honestly say I would not give a second thought about what could happen to this girl's future if she is expelled. Your priority is believing your daughter and making sure that she is kept safe - (I can tell from your post you know that though, I'm just feeling angry on your behalf imagining if I was in your shoes!) I would definitely get the police involved too. Your poor DD 💕 so sorry this has happened.

Angrymum22 · 21/05/2022 22:17

It would worry me that members of the girls family are attempting to make contact through social media. I would screen shot these just in case it escalates. Also ask your daughter be frank with you re all social media platforms . Snapchat is probably the most evil invention of all time since it provides the perfect forum for bullies and stalkers. I would suggest that she is cautious about this escalating “out of view”. Make sure that she switches off the location on her phone.

Soontobe60 · 21/05/2022 22:19

This needs to be reported to the police - especially as she is now being hounded by relatives of the girl. Make sure you get any screenshots of the threats being made to her too!

Sunquench · 21/05/2022 22:22

When I worked in a school there was a very, very similar incident which completely mirrors your story. Unprovoked attack which went beyond a handbags at dawn bitch fight scenario. It was a violent attack in a corridor right before GCSEs.

The girl who instigated the attack was expelled and not allowed on site to sit her GCSEs.

RampantIvy · 21/05/2022 22:28

Screenshot the girls posts and screenshot evidence of her family's friend requests on Facebook.

This sounds like a safeguarding issue.

Sunquench · 21/05/2022 22:30

Yes ring the police and inform school you have done so. Ask to speak to designated safeguarding lead on how they’re going to keep your daughter safe.

Original poster
Christinatherabbit · 21/05/2022 22:34

Firstly thank you so so much to all of you for replying. I am also naturally reqlly empathetic but something changes I think when it comes to your own like this. My daughter is honestly such a sweet girl and although isn't a push over by any means has been so shaken by this. I've just spent the last couple of days sitting with her watching Netflix eating take aways and having girly time. I don't want to make it worse for her in any way so I'm just so conflicted about how to deal with it. She's normally so strong and confident so to see her like this is awful. A lot of people saw so I think she also feels humiliated and is worried it may have been filmed. I have told her in the big story of her life this is only one small part but it's a pretty horrible thing to have experienced. One of her earrings was ripped out and she has a nasty black eye and we'll as a wound to her leg and covered in bruises. Couldn't have been worse timing in the first week of GCSES. I do realise rationally I cant demand she is expelled but I honestly just don't see how a student could be allowed to do something that violent and be allowed to stay. I accept this could be a possibility so I guess need to try and work out strategies of how to deal with it if she does stay on and what advice to give to my daughter. It's all very well saying they can stay apart but we all know that will not be practical at all times plus she has a large group of friends that I am worried will also make my daughter now feel uncomfortable. Just all feel so unfair and I don't know anyone else in RL that has been through anything like this.
Cant be more greatful for the advice and support. I'm suddenly feeling very alone and helpless

OP posts:
Original poster
Christinatherabbit · 21/05/2022 22:37

Also just to respond to a couple of points. I have reported to the police (as was actually advised to by a member of school staff) but they have pretty much said if it happens in school the school deal with it although it's been noted and I can re contact them if need be. I also have taken photos of all the injuries

OP posts:
CaptainBeakyandhisband · 21/05/2022 22:40

Read the DfE document ‘keeping children safe in education’ - this is the safeguarding Bible that schools must adhere to and it specifically calls out child on child violence. Schools have a statutory duty to keep children from harm - centre your questions on the safety and well-being (physical and emotional) of your child. Do not ask about the other child, do not accept school fobbing you off with mitigating facts about the other child.

also report to the police, this sounds like a nasty and violent attack.

Original poster
Christinatherabbit · 21/05/2022 22:40

Angrymum22 · 21/05/2022 22:17

It would worry me that members of the girls family are attempting to make contact through social media. I would screen shot these just in case it escalates. Also ask your daughter be frank with you re all social media platforms . Snapchat is probably the most evil invention of all time since it provides the perfect forum for bullies and stalkers. I would suggest that she is cautious about this escalating “out of view”. Make sure that she switches off the location on her phone.

Thank you for replying. I have told her to delete all social media just for this weekend at least. I think snap chat and other social media platforms can make situations like this 20xs worse and right now I just hate it. Being a teenager (and parent!) Is hard enough without it 😭

OP posts:
SpringSunshine09 · 21/05/2022 22:40

You sound like such an amazing Mum 💕 you will get through this as a family 💐. This honestly sounds like such a horrific attack I just can't see how the girl won't be expelled. Hoping I'm not being naive here.

RoseslnTheHospital · 21/05/2022 22:41

The school should be dealing with it, alongside the police investigating the actual crime that happened. It's absurd for them to suggest that they would behave differently if the assault had happened on the way home than on the school site.

Perhaps others are more knowledgeable, but I would look to pursue the police with a complaint about the inaction on this.

YouAreMyDensity · 21/05/2022 22:42

“….. older family members of her have been requesting my daughter as a friend on social media.”

This intimidating behaviour would concern me enough to contact the police for their advice.

RampantIvy · 21/05/2022 22:44

YouAreMyDensity · 21/05/2022 22:42

“….. older family members of her have been requesting my daughter as a friend on social media.”

This intimidating behaviour would concern me enough to contact the police for their advice.

I agree. The school and police need to be told about this.

Watapalava · 21/05/2022 22:47

Go back to the olice

my dn was attacked in school by another tee

my brother demanded action and the kid got an asbo for it

you can push for punishment

first option is restorative justice (basically they sit together and talk and one apologises). Db had none of that and refused saying he wanted her done for assault and the asbo was issued for middle ground

the fact it’s on school is irrelevant

Nat6999 · 21/05/2022 22:48

Collect as much info as you can this weekend & give it school on Monday, go through the school complaints system which normally means complain to the year head then Head then governors, each had 5 days to respond. Don't be afraid to get your MP involved as this usually gives school the kick up the bum to do something. This girl & her family are trying to intimidate your dd which is another offence, once videos are put on social media it will give the police a reason to get involved, especially as now adults are intimidating a child.

TheVanguardSix · 21/05/2022 22:51

I got police police involved. There’s a school-based police officer (SSO) who will work with the school and handle it fairly. You’re not ruining this girl’s life. She’s perfectly capable of doing that herself it seems.
Look after your DD. 💐
You really ought to report this, OP.
You don’t know how far this student will go.

Razbitso · 21/05/2022 22:53

Back to the police. It is irrelevant that it happened at school.

also remember that you can apply for special circumstances for her exams

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