Hey
Last year I split with my Sons Dad, my Son is 15.
The breakup was not good and ended with me having counselling for emotional abuse.
When my ex left he didn't make much effort with our Son, seeing him for only 6 hours a week. I knew this was hurting my Son so wanted to instigate a better relationship. Knowing my ex I knew me applying for CSA would push him to spend more time with his Son. Fast forward a year later and he started having 50/50 custody. Our Son spends one week with me then one week with him.
The problem I now have is that I feel like my Son hates me. He won't communicate with me when he's not here, he comes home in a mood and doesn't want to talk to me and he won't spend any time with me. I know some of this is typical teenage behaviour but he is completely different with his Dad. They go out places all the time and he texts him loads when he's home with me. The complete opposite with me.
I have spoken to him about it and asked why he's different. He says he has stuff in common with his Dad but not me, which really hurts. I try to make more effort, I watch the shows he likes and take an interest in the other things he likes to do but he still doesn't want to talk to me.
I'm not sure what to do to get my relationship back on track with him. He's behaviour towards me only changed when he started spending more time with his Dad and I cant help but think his Dad his talking about me and making me out to be a bad person to him (something he done a lot of when we broke up, he constantly tried to put me down and caused a lot of anxiety attacks).
I have tried to shield my Son from the truth about how his Dad treat me and don't believe in bad mouthing his Dad to him.
I am moving house in a few months, to a different area which is a 10 minute drive from his school. I need to be around my family. I have a huge fear that my Son is going to say he wants to live with his Dad full time and he won't want to see me.
This is hard for me as I have always been the hands on parent, his Dad always just sat in the background. He never came to parents evenings, birthday parties etc. But now I feel like he's trying to be superior and force my Son into wanting to be with him full time. A move to get to me, not because it is what is best for out Son (when we broke up he tried to force me onto the streets and to leave our Son behind, he knows he can hurt me by using him).
I'm not sure if I have explained everything properly but any advice would be appreciated.
I don't know how to make things better with my Son without telling him the whole truth about his Dad, which I don't believe is the answer 😔