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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How do I help my 17 year old daughter make and keep friends?

5 replies

Navigater · 20/05/2022 06:59

My daughter is 17 years old. She’s been low level bullied for many of her school years but has also had some nice friends along the way.
Two years ago, she was randomly and violently attacked by a girl she didn’t know in her local park. Other girls with her attacker, filmed the attack. A boy my daughter was with, luckily stepped in to stop her stamping on her face again. Despite being called by her then, 11 year old brother, the Police did nothing. Not great for a child’s self esteem or trust in the Police.

Her problem is she finds friends that have similar interests then can’t keep them. She’s into skateboarding. She’s not into some of the skateboarding culture, smoking etc so maybe doesn’t fit in that way.
She’s so down and selfishly, I feel drained. She’s seeing a therapist once a week, she has a part time job, she’s a member of the gym and goes to 6th form school.
She has a few friends at school and her old school but still isn’t happy. She says they’re not the sort of people that want to go to parties and hang out. Basically she says she needs a “go to” friend.
I really don’t know what to do.
are their any groups she can join? We live in the London area so there’s lots going on but I just am stuck.

OP posts:
wanderingscot · 20/05/2022 08:58

I was a bit like that at school at that age - a very awkward teenager. You can't fix it for her. I had to work on a few aspects of my personality- I was a bit blunt, detached, could come across as unfriendly (I'm an introvert predominately although not scared of social situations m) and had to make some adjustments. I had to make more effort with people.
Anyway, this self-awareness meant I went to Uni, made loads of friends who Im still in touch with 30 years on and I had a great time. It transformed me. I would recommend a campus Uni if that's what she's thinking of as everyone gets thrown in together and you have to really get on with people.

waterrat · 20/05/2022 09:21

I think the only thing you can do here is encourage resilient thinking. Explain thst most adults have phases in life where they feel sad or lonely and ask her to talk through ways she might change things.

At 17 she has her while life ahead of her..is she planning on further education? Work ? This is where most adults find friends.

Hard as it is to see her unhappy if she never takes responsibility for her life path she won't be able to solve the situation

Myster · 20/05/2022 11:26

Im really worried my son doesn’t like me. He’s almost 15 and has no interest in interacting with me or his sister. He’s very hostile towards us and it’s hard to live with! It really gets me down because I feel like I’ve done something wrong but I know I try my best as a parent. My children are well looked after I bust my butt so they get nice days out, treats, holidays etc and just so generally they have the best possible childhood I can give them. Anyone in the same situation? Is it just his age? I’ve no idea what to do.

Navigater · 20/05/2022 12:23

Thank you. Honestly! I didn’t think I would receive a response so I’m really grateful.
I agree with all you’ve said and will continue giving her the support. I think she needs to work on herself in some ways. I also think she will find her people as she moved through life.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Navigater · 20/05/2022 13:17

Thank you! Really valuable advice. I shall bear this in mind when I need it. I agree with you entirely.
Really…. THANK YOU! ❤️🙏🏻

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