Overwhelmed with it all!

[Cleanbedlinen12]

Ds 14 reuses to choose clothes, not even online, with the consequence that I’ve just seen him off to sports day with the second hoody he has that now has a hole in, and he is slouching off all nervous and depressed. I tried to get him to choose clothes and he didn’t want to. I went shopping for him and frankly got confused with sizes colours etc. I ended up with one very plain tee shirt - that he’s refusing to wear so he is wearing his one very small tee shirt.

I think it’s some sort of depression and don’t know how to help. His friendship group seems to be shrinking, he is online all the time.
We have had a rough time - lots of shouting when he was young, then both of us ( parents) were seriously I’ll one after the other. We have no relations nearby and , I don’t know his friends parents. I can’t get him to invite anyone over or even go out - he refuses to go on walks ( not surprised !) but also on any day trips, go ape or anything like that.
im just concerned that he’s not having much of a life!
suggestions please!

Also pocket money! Finding a bank account, helping dd, nagging them to tidy, keeping the house tidy cooking everything just seems endless and too much to do.

Hi - my DS was the same at that age. Loved online and no interest in clothes / choices etc. he did have friends thru Co-op games online which he said he enjoyed. Small group of friends and some challenges there too. He’s 18 now and really changed post high school - found his feet more and now I’m dropping him in town at 11pm 🙃
Looking back it was hard at the time but he was actually happy. I think if I went back I’d tell myself to think about what he finds joy in and encourage more of that (gaming) instead of trying to ‘get him out’.
I chose his clothes up until he was 17 - all same plain colours etc. now he’s getting his own stuff delivered.
we did have some structure tho too - dinner as a family at least twice a week. Empty dishwasher for games money. He also did his Duke of Edin (very reluctantly) and that really helped.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate so maybe think about how you can ignore cleaning, do simple dinners and things like that. I’ve ignored horrendous bedrooms for years. Be kind to yourself too x

Is dad able to help? Maybe it would be helpful to have a man take him shopping for clothes, or choose things for him. Or for his dad to spend some quality time with him.

Thank you so much for the reassurance. He does say he’s happy and doesn’t want to go out. We took him to pictures and pizza without sister and it was painful! It is Ok with just me, we can have a real hoot - sometimes, other times he is quiet. I don’t know how he gets on with just Dh, I can’t recall them going out together alone in a long time. Dh thinks going to the shops is fun, rather wished he’d taken ds camping and stuff but he is exhausted ( work, not well)
dad has always been preoccupied with stuff. And has a lot going on so can be nice, but does tend to say,‘don’t do that’ a lot, whereas I will turn whatever he’s doing into a joke. It’s never naughty, just juggling the lettuce or fooling about.
have just bought ds a job lot of plain clothes as he refuses to choose any, but I suspect secretly he would like to look cool. I’ll research what the other kids wear.
thanks, I’m rambling I know. No one to talk to in rl!