DD14 claims to have overdosed

[boxofbadgers]

I don't know what to do.

DD14 is generally a happy, chilled out teenager. Does very well at school, takes part in lots of clubs and activities, is very close to me and her sister.

Today her boyfriend broke up with her, she sat on the sofa cuddling with me for a couple of hours, ate dinner with me, and ended up laughing and chatting as normal.

I said goodnight, then 10 minutes later she burst into my bedroom to say she had taken an overdose, told all her friends and one of them had called an ambulance.

I cancelled the ambulance and took her straight to A and E, she wouldn't tell anyone what she had taken or how much. She wasn't showing any signs of anything, but I insisted they kept her in so she can talk to Camhs and I've just got home, she's on a children's ward.

I don't know what to do. There were absolutely no signs, the school has no concerns. I genuinely don't want to bring her home because I'm terrified that I can't keep her safe, I can lock up all the medication but who knows what she will try next?

She's had private counselling before as she was struggling at the start of lockdown, she also has ELSA sessions at school, she's been on the waiting list for Camhs since early 2020, I don't know what else to do.

I can't leave her there forever, but I feel like it's the only place she is safe! I am in bits and have been awake for 24 hours. Please, how do I cope with this?

The whole post is probably massively outing but I genuinely couldn't care less, I need help.

I have no advice, but here to listen if that's helpful. What steps did the A&E team take? Bloods/charcoal/IV?

First of all, it is not outing. Sadly this scenario is so common that no one will know who you are.

secondly, I’m so sorry for what you are going through. So scary and heartbreaking and worrying.

You did well to get them to keep her in, well done.

You can do this. You do need to lock away medicines and knives, blades etc, the hospital should be able to give you a list, and you do need to devise a way of keeping tabs on her yet not smothering her.

I had this with my daughter quite a few times then my counsellor said to me, you know, she can do it even if you’re in the next room so don’t let that fear stop you from going out or doing normal things. So I carried on with my life with some adjustments like hiding medicines etc

Make sure you have her friends’ numbers, they always go to their friends first.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It sounds like she needs to find self worth without the attention of a man.

Being a good kid (eg. compliant) isn't always the same as happiness. What would you say really matters to her? Does she have a purpose for her life? How does she define success?

In the immediate future I'd stay nearby all the time and show her she matters more than anything. I'd take time off work or quit if necessary.

What steps did the A&E team take. Bloods/charcoal/IV?

I’d be surprised as most overdoses are treated symptomatically. If you have someone who refuses to tell you what they have taken (and realistically may or may NOT have even taken an overdose as often it’s claimed for purpose of attention), and is fine in all regards on monitoring then it is pretty hard to justify any interventions. It becomes more a case for mental health team and good luck with that.

The same thing happened to us two weeks ago with dd14. She had been low since lockdown really, there was an incident at Christmas during which she was assaulted but which she seemed to have processed. She is in a toxic friendship group but again seemed to be handling things well. Went to bed as usual on a Tuesday night, woke me up as she was being sick but said it was just a bug, told me she had taken 17 cocodomal when we got up the next morning.
A and e couldn't find any high levels in her blood and I didn't see anything untoward in the sick so I'm still not sure if she actually did it or not. She also told lots of her 'friends' which made me suspect there was something attention seeing about it-or she just wanted their sympathy or something. I don't know. Either way she is obvs not mentally well.
she was kept in hospital to see the crisis team which took 4 days then sent home with a safety plan (lock up everything potentially harmful and visits from the at home crisis team). She is currently refusing school as her friends have been awful which isn't helping.
I am distraught quite frankly. Nothing seems to be helping her. We have referred her for private diagnosis/treatment as the at home team involvement is limited to 12 weeks and after that she will be back on the wait list for CAMHs. There is a 6 week waiting list for private appointments too.
Meanwhile one of us is staying in the house with her all the time. I will probably lose my (new) job because of it as it means I can't work. The sharps, meds, anything she could ligature with are locked away. It's bloody awful.
Sorry this happened to you and to dd too OP.

Being good and being happy aren't the same thing. Do you know what's really going on for her? It sounds like the boyfriend was just the latest trigger for her but actually she's been struggling under the surface for some time and hides it well with her busy life. If I had the money I would access private psychological therapy for her rather than wait further for camhs.

I'm glad she's safe at the moment. What a horrible ordeal for you both.

this must be awful for you both. The positive thing is that she told you and her friends and so her actions may have been a cry for help rather then a proper attempt

Camhs - you’ll be higher up the priority list now so push for proper weekly support from them. Be proactive, make contact with them when you’re fearful her mental health is diving again.

friends daily by phone or in person, chatting and distraction with activities, grounding her

daily time with you 1:1 - walk, film together or baking. Bedroom for sleeping but otherwise needs to be in family areas of the house. Move her Xbox into the lounge.

eat together each mealtime but don’t focus on the food

medicine. Lock up all tablets and don’t leave them lying around. You can also lock up anything sharp or potentially sharp like knives, tin openers, compass. Move tin and glass recycling elsewhere. Any obvious ligature risks lock away.

get some support for yourself. You will live on your nerves for a bit but this will pass as your daughters mental health improves.

We had the same a few years ago when DD was also 14.

They took bloods to check liver function and kept her in overnight although I had to stay with her as they didn't have enough staff to watch her.

The staying with her thing was actually really good as it was just me and her in a side room and we could talk properly.

She saw a mental health worker from CAMHS the next day before she could be discharged and in fairness it did speed up the referral.

When we got home all medication, knives, anything she could harm herself with were locked away in the garage.

She had some counselling and it was a tough and rocky few years so brace yourself. Posting on here helps so you know that you are not alone.

Is it possible something has happened with the boyfriend?

Sorry I missed the sentence about the boyfriend breaking up with her so ignore my last question!!!

This happens more than people think, it seems reactionary to the break up unless there is a history of previous mental health concerns. Teens are sometimes quick to react in this way to an event like an argument or break up without understanding what harm it can actually do to their bodies.

Bloods can show an overdose and treat accordingly. If nothing is noted she will have a meeting with mental health and they will advise you of safety and support (some of the things mentioned above) they will give her some coping strategies and talk her through it/risk assess and maybe a follow up in the community but not always much further support if a one off with no previous concerns. Postcode lottery. If they are concerned she may stay in longer.

CAMHS are struggling with the amount needing help. This was bad before the pandemic and funding was also cut too. Ive seen mental health patients in paediatrics have just been increasing yearly in my long career in the NHS. It’s so sad.

Thank you all for your replies, it's comforting yet devastating to know I'm not alone with this situation, and I'm so sorry to all of you who have also been through this.

The hospital took her bloods but nothing else, I checked the medicine basket after I got home and it doesn't seem as if anything is missing, we have nothing other than the average painkillers and never very many of them so it would be pretty easy to see if she's taken some.

I'm pretty sure that she told her friend she had overdosed for the attention, and panicked when her friend called the ambulance. I am as sure as I can be that she didn't actually take anything.

Regarding my 'good' comment, I understand that this is not necessarily the same as happy, but if you met her you would have no concerns about her happiness! She is always singing and dancing, making jokes, having debates, she is genuinely a joy to be around and I honestly don't think there is anything hiding under the surface.

She is with CAMHS now, I'm waiting to talk to them to see what they think. Im leaning towards thinking it's not necessarily a mental health problem such as desperation, but more attention seeking recklessness, which I know is just as serious.

I'm keeping her home from school tomorrow and will have all weekend with her, I'll also remove as many potentially harmful objects as I can. Im hoping this is a big shock to her, I think she expected the drama of an ambulance whereas she actually got 7 hours in a waiting room on the world's most uncomfortable chairs!

I haven't seen her yet this morning as she had gone with CAMHS by the time I got here, I've had precisely 1 hour sleep in the last 28 so I'm hoping she got a bit more and is feeling a bit more human!

Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time out to comment, it's surprisingly difficult to talk about this to anyone in real life so I appreciate the support so, so much.

The other thing to maybe think about is what people at school know. Lots of kids at DD's school are aware of what's happened to her and they have been pretty vile. She has always been popular and I think some people are enjoying her downfall which is devastating for her (and for me actually as I can't believe how cruel they are being). Snapchat etc aren't great I this situation as you don't know what people are saying to her etc and what effect that might have so it might be an idea to think about how that's managed in terms of safety, especially where impulsive behaviour is in the mix.
I hope you get her home and it goes well-and that you get some sleep. I don't think I've slept more than two hours together for a fortnight as I'm up checking on her in the night or else lying there wondering what to do and wishing I could make her better.
Lots of love to you both x

I am so glad you are taking this seriously, and I'm really sorry you're in the situation. I always feel baffled when people say 'it was just a cry for help....' as if that means that it shouldn't be taken seriously. Why do they want to wait until a child actually harms themselves?

I do hope that CAMHS deal with her effectively. If it's any reassurance, when my DD was admitted to hospital with an eating disorder, she got instant access to a CAMHS psychiatrist. The previous year, when she started to struggle, CAMHS closed her case because paeds were involved and paeds discharged because CAMHS were involved! Ironically, the best thing for her was the fact that she'd got to a stage where her body showed the strain her mind was under.

Don't be afraid to say that you need support to keep her safe. Services are in such demand that if you say you'll be ok, they'll willingly believe you.

Thank goodness she hasn’t actually overdosed, that is the best possible news.

She must have been feeling very distressed and is no doubt now feeling all sorts of negative emotions. Being 14 can be very tough 😞

Hang in there OP. I think it’s ok to tell her you are exhausted and you need to rest. It might be a relief for her to know she’s hit a boundary.

Thank you all.

We are home now, with a safety plan. We spent the whole morning with CAMHS who were absolutely amazing, and she has an appointment for next week.

I can't remember if I've said this but her blood results showed that she hadn't taken enough of anything to harm her, which is a huge relief. I've removed everything from within reach at home and am ordering lockable boxes as I would much rather be safe than sorry.

I've signed myself off work for next week, I work with very challenging young people and am in no place emotionally to do that right now. It also means I can take DD to school and pick her up, so she won't ever be alone.

I currently have her phone, but CAMHS advised that it be returned so that she can access helplines and online support. However I do have quite strict controls on it, so she doesn't have Instagram, Snapchat or Tiktok and she can't use her phone overnight. There is also a tracking app on it so I will know that she is always somewhere safe.

CAMHS agreed with my initial thought that it was more a cry for emotional support than a genuine attempt to end her life, they are going to be doing emotional regulation work with her. We have obviously been referred to social services, and I am hoping they can provide her (or me!) with additional support. I want to take this as seriously as I would if she had taken a scary amount to make sure that she gets the help that she needs.

She is asleep now, and we have agreed this evening to go through her bedroom together and remove anything that could cause her harm, and spend tomorrow doing a big tidy and maybe move round to try and change it from a place where she feels sad to a place that makes her feel happy, or at least calm. She has quite a few vouchers left from Christmas so we are also going to buy new bedding/furnishings to help change the feel of the room.

Again, thank you everyone for your support. I really hope I won't have to post here again under similar circumstances, but it is lovely to know that there are so many people with kind words waiting if I need to.

Unfortunately you will have to take her home as soon as CAMHs give her the ok. There is no capacity for her to stay on wards any longer than that.

This is all very scary for you and her but much more common than you think.

I overdosed after a break-up when I was 17, so older than your DD but I was quite naive/young for my age. I managed to hide it from my parents by pretending I was at a friend's house when I had to stay overnight in A&E. I apparently didn't take 'enough' to cause serious harm but I was put on a drip with the antidote to the particular medication I had chosen.

I remember crying my eyes out for what felt like weeks.

My mum later found out. I feel guilty now I am older (40 with my own teen girls) as I later found she had been on anti-anxiety meds because of how she reacted to the news. I continued to struggle with mental health into my early 20s but have since then been mostly fine and I never repeated the OD, which was really a cry for help.

All you can do is be there for her, do the obvious things like limit medication or other means she could use to harm herself. For the majority of young people who experience this, it does pass. Do PM me if you would like to.

@boxofbadgers how are you both doing?

I'm sat in a&e now with my DS15 who has taken ten 500mg paracetamol. I can’t quite work out how dangerous that is from online.

@FawnFrenchieMum I'm so sorry you're going through it, it's heartbreaking and I'm sending you and your DS my love.

DD went back to school today, they completed a safety plan with her and she and a good day. She seems fine in herself, going by her blood work and the contents of my medicine box she didn't actually take anything, so it seems more like a cry for help which I am making sure she gets.

We've got her assessment appointment with CAMHS on Wednesday, her school have authorised her having the whole day off and have said they can facilitate her having the appointments there in future. We've also been provisionally offered a Youth Engagement worker which I have said yes to.

I'm sorry I can't help in regards to knowing how much paracetamol is harmful, but you are in the right place. I can't fault the hospital or their CAMHS worker as they were all incredible with both my DD and me, so I really hope you have the same experience and you both feel well supported.

Look after yourself and please message me if you would like to, I'm still processing our situation but feeling so much stronger than I did when I first posted, and really appreciated the support I received on here x

Thanks so much for replying.
We’re home now after the longest night ever. Thankfully his bloods were low enough to not need treatment.
He did start to open up a little bit to the CAMHs lady which was great as he’s refused to engage in any sort of talking previously. We have a follow up with the same person next week.
Honestly never thought parenting could be this hard!
Hope your both continuing to get better xx