Do you make yours go to sports day

Honeysuckle9 · 2022-05-18T15:30:12+00:00

My DD is athletic but has developed all sorts of problems around joining in things. Last month I had a call to collect fr a 1st year dance and today it’s collect from sports day. She isn’t sick just doesn’t want to be there and I got maybe 6 messages whilst I was in work. AIBU to be p’d off with her for not just going in good spirit and joining in when she can. She apparently spent lots of time ‘in the toilets’ not sure what I should have done but I feel they need to learn to just suck some things up and join in

EmotionalSupportOlive · 18/05/2022 17:05

I hate sports day as we have to schlep them during rush hour to a sports ground in the next town - driving past one in our town - and then collect them from a tiny gridlocked car park at the same time as primary pick up. However attendance is compulsory so off they go. My kids are totally uncompetitive but they can wave a flag and eat snacks all day.

User3568975431146 · 18/05/2022 17:09

Definitely not.

BlackberrySky · 18/05/2022 17:13

That's really bizarre that the school should ask you to collect her if it's during school time and she is not unwell. Surely they just leave her on the side if she refuses to participate?

snowmanshoes · 19/05/2022 07:35

Simply no I don’t. She’s had years of being forced to take part in things she doesn’t want to do so no last year I let her have the day off - no harm done.

Schulte · 19/05/2022 07:46

Sure attendance is compulsory? It’s not a day off school… so yes I would definitely make mine go.

RogueBorg · 19/05/2022 08:25

This is one of the biggest problems with kids 24/7 access to mobile phones - they don’t have to stick at anything at all. Phone mummy and she’ll come and pick me up. Zero need for any resilience.

i feel your frustration OP but we’re in a minority nowadays.

Original poster

Honeysuckle9 · 19/05/2022 11:37

@RogueBorg I tend to agree, every child is of course different but I do wonder if the epidemic of teen anxiety is partly driven by the complete turn away from the previous ‘put up with it’ culture. Life needs to evolve but we have now swung too far the other way where pushing them to do anything that doesn’t agree with them is somehow damaging. I fear for how these young people will navigate life

OP posts:

WildNights · 19/05/2022 11:48

My kids school don’t make them take part if they don’t want to, they can just watch. The kids that don’t take part really cheer on the other kids and my kids always says it’s a nice day. One of my kids always took part in events, the other hasn’t so far. If they were made to take part and didn’t want to, I wouldn’t make them.

puppetcat · 19/05/2022 11:54

I detested sports day and found it traumatising as I was very non-athletic and non-competitive. Being slow hand clapped running a lap is traumatising for teens and kids and this behaviour at sports day leads to hangups about sport in general. It is just not for everyone. He always attends other sports clubs out of school like swimming and we do cycling otherwise so not like we're lazy. So if it's much the same format I will be giving him the odd sports day off to avoid the trauma depending on how he feels about it.

RogueBorg · 19/05/2022 12:13

@Honeysuckle9 I've worked in education for over 20 years and I totally agree. It concerns me hugely. On another thread there's a discussion about how going away for 5 nights is too much for Y6s which is clearly utter nonsense as we did it without hesitation the 1980s and just got on with it. Our ability to access our parents 24/7 gives young people no resilience, there's no 'suck it up' culture anymore.

And I'm obviously not suggesting a return to the bad old days of tolerating bullying, etc, but life has some discomforts and home sickness and sports days are part and parcel of this. Resilience is fast disappearing among this generation to be replaced by children who are frightened of their own shadows. I worry greatly about them.

RogueBorg · 19/05/2022 12:15

I agree @puppetcat and my schools have always done sports days where running was only an option for those who wanted to. Those kids who weren't runners could find something they could do for a couple of hours, such as javelin or discus. Discus was always my go to event as I couldn't run!

MrsRinaDecker · 19/05/2022 12:20

It really depends on the format of the sports day, and the culture of the school. But I was a non sporty nerdy academic kid, and my self esteem would have been preserved a lot more if I’d been allowed to stay home or hide in the toilets! Your daughter must be pretty distressed for school to ask you to pick her up, so I think you should be supporting her mental health, not telling her to put up with it.

Seeline · 19/05/2022 12:25

OP is it the school that is phoning you or your DD?

Personally I don't see sports day as any different from any other school day - attendance is compulsory unless proven to be ill (temperature, vomitting or similar). Yes I hated it, no I was not remotely sporty, and both my DCs have shown to be similar. But there were things at work I hated and I couldn't not just turn up then. It's a good life lesson.

PuppyMonkey · 19/05/2022 12:26

i’d fully support anyone who didn’t want to participate in sports day, just as I’d support anyone who didn’t want to join art club or be in the school play.

Original poster

Honeysuckle9 · 19/05/2022 12:50

@Seeline Both, school originally to pick up and then DD repeatedly when I wouldn’t

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WildNights · 19/05/2022 13:36

Honeysuckle9 · 19/05/2022 12:50

@Seeline Both, school originally to pick up and then DD repeatedly when I wouldn’t

If this was my child I would be trying to find out what is behind this rather than going with the just suck it up approach. You said she’s developed all sorts of problems around joining in things. Talk to her, there’s an issue.

SirenSays · 19/05/2022 13:47

Depends what she can do instead. My old school used to make everyone who wasn't taking part sit on the ant covered field in the sun. It felt like a waste of time.

Original poster

Honeysuckle9 · 19/05/2022 13:56

@WildNights She over thinks things which I think is the main issue, hence my reluctance to just let her opt out.
She is very sensitive but can also see offence where there is none and can enjoy having an ‘enemy’ Someone in the class etc etc

I don’t think any of these are major issues - she goes to school, gets good marks, plays sport (individual) etc and has a couple of good friends. However I can see her opting out a lot and I wonder if this is something she might regret

OP posts:

WildNights · 19/05/2022 14:07

Honeysuckle9 · 19/05/2022 13:56

@WildNights She over thinks things which I think is the main issue, hence my reluctance to just let her opt out.
She is very sensitive but can also see offence where there is none and can enjoy having an ‘enemy’ Someone in the class etc etc

I don’t think any of these are major issues - she goes to school, gets good marks, plays sport (individual) etc and has a couple of good friends. However I can see her opting out a lot and I wonder if this is something she might regret

Overthinking and being sensitive, it becoming more of an issue, trying to avoid things, you know your daughter best but I would be reluctant to pass it off as nothing major. Shes clearly very uncomfortable to keep calling/texting you to avoid these things. It could nothing but I wouldn’t take that chance.

RishiRich · 19/05/2022 14:08

One of my DC is very unsporty. The other one loves sports. If either of them just didn't fancy it then I'd make them get on with it. If, however, unsporty DD had been signed up for a race against her will, was dreading it and worried about being embarrassed infront of everyone else watching then I would absolutely keep her off school for the day. I'd always encourage her to do something more manageable though, like the tug of war or one of the throwing events.

Original poster

Honeysuckle9 · 19/05/2022 14:13

@WildNights I’ll look into it further thanks

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Mischance · 19/05/2022 14:19

......going in good spirit and joining in when she can - it sounds as though this is something she is unable to do. That is fair enough.

I disagree with those posters who are basically saying that they had to do it in the 1990s or whenever, so they cannot see why this girl should not be made to do it too. It is the same as your MIL saying that you should lie your baby on its tummy as that is what they always did.

I love the idea of participation being voluntary, but attendance required to be there to cheer their mates on - what a sensible school.

Teenagers who are not sporty go through miseries on sports day. It is an age when they are self-conscious anyway without being exposed to the public gaze doing something that they cannot do at all well. In general, as a comparison, pupils who are good at music, for example, perform at school concerts, but we do not make those who have no musical skills or training stand up and make fools of themselves.

Bring her home with little comment.

Divebar2021 · 19/05/2022 14:28

Would you let a non academic child opt out of maths or English because they were no good at it. The idea that someone could be “traumatised” rather than “a little bit embarrassed” by not being sporty says a lot about our society today. What happened to trying your best and having a go? Or supporting your sportier classmates if you’re not competing yourself?

Mischance · 19/05/2022 14:35

Divebar2021 · 19/05/2022 14:28

Would you let a non academic child opt out of maths or English because they were no good at it. The idea that someone could be “traumatised” rather than “a little bit embarrassed” by not being sporty says a lot about our society today. What happened to trying your best and having a go? Or supporting your sportier classmates if you’re not competing yourself?

But children who are not good at maths or English are not asked to stand up in front of the whole school and parents and teachers and make a pig's ear of it in the public gaze. Children who are not good at sport do not "get out of it" - they have to endure it every week - but it is very different to put them in front of everyone to make idiots of themselves.

There is also the issue of body consciousness at this age, which needs handling with sensitivity.

ithinkidbetterleaverightnow · 19/05/2022 14:43

I hated sports day. I prefer to cycle or take a long walk for exercise. DD is the same, hates sports, but isn't exercise avoidant. She walk three miles each way to school despite there being a free bus!

She asked me recently if she had to go this year. She's in Y10. I think she should, if only to half-arse it. She's brilliant at everything else at school...only PE is the one she isn't good at or doesn't try (depending on your view). So she's going, even though I know she can't be bothered.