How do I respond to this l?

[Smokybaconcrisps1]

Dd 15 says I’m always harassing her and ‘on her back’ which is why she’s so rude and nasty in her behaviour to me apparently
Examples of my ‘harassing behaviour’ are : me calling her to come down for her dinner; me reminding her to come off her phone at 11pm (after having initially agreed to an hour ago). Another example is me asking her to pick her laundry which I’ve just washed and given to her up off the floor. You get the gist. The problem is I am nagging or harassing her I guess, but only because she can be very difficult and need reminding constantly for the simplest of things

I love the whole ‘step back’ thing, but can I just add that for some children, they have very low standards and just do not care. My eldest son and my stepdaughter couldn’t give two hoots about having no clothes, no clean lunch boxes, and would live like that forever. In fact, my eldest now lives with his girlfriend with equally low standards. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of you have an agreed downtime for the phone then set that up on the phone.
You can have a different passcode for restrictions.
Set downtime. Phone stops being usable after a certain time.

Thanks for this.

We use an App called Family Link. At 11.30pm, the whole phone goes off and can't receive messages until 7am. This stops mates who game through the night pinging her.
It also logs how long they are on apps- so the night she was supposed to be revising she spent 4 hours in Instagram, I put a time limit on the phone for Insta. We discussed it and agreed that 1.75 hours is enough for a week day. I wanted 1 hour, she wanted much more.....! She did say she didn't understand how she had racked up 4 hours. Weekends she has different settings. She asked for the phone to come on late on weekends so she can have a lie in. If her friends message, she finds it hard to get up and answer.
If we are out late or on holiday, she asks for extra time. We revise the limits around each birthday, so I have less input as she gets older.
She actually quite likes it switching off at night so she can get a good sleep. It also means she can blame me when her friends moan about her not replying with the answers to homework they haven't done at 2am!

My response to that with ds16 is that if he was doing the things he's supposed to do I wouldn't need to nag. Then reiterate what expected behaviours are and close the conversation.
He's improving....slowly

Wonky is spot on.

It's Google Wifi, you buy and install the hardware and you program its app with the IP addresses of devices you wish to limit.

We use it with negotiation. The iPhones and PCs of the under 18 go off at midnight and come on again at 7am, but it's only used if they are regularly abusing the rules in place.

This means the over 18's get to chose when they are on the internet as it doesn't affect everyone.

It's been the path of least conflict. A teenager will hardly be banging on my bedroom door asking for Wifi to be enabled after midnight. They know it will go off if they have regularly abused the system. And what's more, this system tells us which IP was connected and what time. So we know.

It's might be seen as a bit invasive but we pay for the Wifi and we are parenting, otherwise teens would be gaming into the early hours and not getting enough sleep for school.

Thank you - I'll look into it, as it sounds perfect for us.