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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Sibling rivalry

11 replies

NorahNorah · 21/04/2022 12:35

Does it matter whether your daughter or son get the larger bedroom? They are teenagers, each would prefer the larger - so, how does it get settled? Perhaps extra cleaning/cooking duties (as if that's going to happen lolz) or someway or other to balance out the privilege of larger room, but also something that doesn't have to be parentally managed, at least not too much. Haaalp !

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 21/04/2022 12:41

Oldest or one who spends most time in the room? Or flip a coin.

What are the ages? And how big a difference is room size?

CatsArePeople · 25/04/2022 15:46

Older gets bigger, given the younger moves there when the older moves out.

ShadowPuppets · 25/04/2022 15:51

Oldest on the condition that they give it up as soon as they’re spending less time at home (for me this was Uni, for others it’ll be when they start spending more time at BF/GF’s etc).

KangarooKenny · 25/04/2022 15:52

Older gets the biggest.

JoeGoldberg · 25/04/2022 15:53

It's always oldest gets the biggest here.

wonderwoman26 · 25/04/2022 16:01

As the younger child who always ended up in the smaller room i detested the 'older child always gets biggest room' rule and still think it is incredibly unfair.

Why would one child be born first entitle them to a larger living space? It makes no sense to me.

We blended familys when i was around 18, my sister 22. One bedroom was bigger with an ensuite, one was not. My sister was given the bigger room to start with until i questioned whyme, as the person who spent much more time at home and took better care of the cleaning/organisation of my current bedroom have been shoved into a box room - just because i wasnt born first.

My honest answer would be to flip a coin, do it in a way that is fair and equal to either party. It shouldn't be automatically given to one or the other because they were born first.

Ihatethenewlook · 25/04/2022 16:11

wonderwoman26 · 25/04/2022 16:01

As the younger child who always ended up in the smaller room i detested the 'older child always gets biggest room' rule and still think it is incredibly unfair.

Why would one child be born first entitle them to a larger living space? It makes no sense to me.

We blended familys when i was around 18, my sister 22. One bedroom was bigger with an ensuite, one was not. My sister was given the bigger room to start with until i questioned whyme, as the person who spent much more time at home and took better care of the cleaning/organisation of my current bedroom have been shoved into a box room - just because i wasnt born first.

My honest answer would be to flip a coin, do it in a way that is fair and equal to either party. It shouldn't be automatically given to one or the other because they were born first.

I agree with this. I’ll never forget my mum promising me the biggest room in our new house following her divorce from our dad. When we moved in she completely back tracked and denied she’d ever said it, she said the oldest always gets the biggest so it went to my sister. The annoying thing was though that I was 8 and my sister was 14 and she was never in the bloody thing. I practically lived in my room, had all my toys stuffed in it, had a massive book collection I could barely fit in, and literally never had a single sleepover with any of my friends because my room was too small. My sisters massive room was empty apart from her bed and a desk, she only used it to sleep in (until she got a boyfriend at 16 she practically moved in with and then barely ever slept in it). I still begrudge it 30 years on! The biggest room should go to the one who needs it imo. With my own children the youngest has the biggest for the same reasons I needed it

Original poster
NorahNorah · 25/04/2022 20:47

Pleased to read, or not read, that you don't automaticvally get the largest room because you're a girl. That's what I'm used to. One room is about a third bigger, and I have thought that should mean whoever gets it - whether we flip a coin or whatever, that child does a third more around the house. But I can imagine the effort I'd need to invest to see that happen.
I like the idea @wonderwoman26 @Ihatethenewlook that the one who spends more time at home would better deserve it, or make better use of it - they are pretty even on that, maybe one is out a bit more than the other.
Thing is, even flipoping a coin isn't fair - at least it won't be seen as fair, it would be like, we have to do best of three, then best of etc etc.
Maybe there's a lesson each one can learn, whichever room they end up in. Not sure how into philosophy there are just yet lolz.

OP posts:
Brightrainbow · 25/04/2022 21:12

I’m the eldest of 4 and the only girl
its interesting to see the eldest gets the bigger room as I spent my whole childhood stuffed into a room that could hold a single bed and a tiny wardrobe (no space to walk down the side of the bed-I had to crawl from the door,straight onto my bed)

it was very cramped to say the least but my brothers got the other 3 rooms that where about 3/4x the size of mine!

2pinkginsplease · 25/04/2022 21:16

I had the bigger room growing up, I’m the youngest. My daughter (youngest)has a bigger room that her brother, she has more “stuff” than he has. However our rooms are all small,

Blanketpolicy · 25/04/2022 23:00

The one that needs it the most. Maybe the oldest as they will need a proper desk for studying first.

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