My son's freind threatening suicide

My17 · 2022-04-17T09:41:29+00:00

Exactly this , my son feels responsible a close friend has discolosed this to him about her wish to end her life , he is afraid for her but refuses to let me do anything I know that I have to , but what should I do ?

Original poster

My17 · 17/04/2022 10:41

*disclosed, typo sorry

OP posts:

HairyMuttttt · 17/04/2022 10:42

Ring emergency services if it’s happening right now.

Jduh · 17/04/2022 10:45

Are you able to speak with her parents? They can then make sure she is safe in the moment and take to GP for referral to secondary services.

I would also acknowledge your sons anxieties about intervening but unfortunately the safety of his friend has to come first.

HollowTalk · 17/04/2022 10:46

Someone my daughter knows did end her life a couple of days ago - believe me, your son doesn't want to be in that position.

VerifiedBot2351 · 17/04/2022 10:51

First, you call the police to do a welfare check.
Then, when school reopens, you call the school (assuming they are at the same school) so that they can put some support in place.
I had an identical situation with some pupils recently. Thankfully, the friend’s mum acted quickly and potentially saved a boy’s life.

carefullycourageous · 17/04/2022 10:55

He can not refuse to let you do something, you are a free adult with a responsibility to show your son how to react.

You say to your son that people who want to end their lives need help, and all we can do is try to get them help. You say you are taking responsibility as an adult for doing what you consider to be the right thing and your son as a young person did absolutely the right thing telling you. The priority is interrupting any attempt to take their life in the hope that things improve for them.

MollyRover · 17/04/2022 10:58

@carefullycourageous

He can not refuse to let you do something, you are a free adult with a responsibility to show your son how to react.

You say to your son that people who want to end their lives need help, and all we can do is try to get them help. You say you are taking responsibility as an adult for doing what you consider to be the right thing and your son as a young person did absolutely the right thing telling you. The priority is interrupting any attempt to take their life in the hope that things improve for them.

Exactly. Don't try to be your son's confidant in this situation. There's an at risk child. Call emergency or her parents immediately.

SkiingIsHeaven · 17/04/2022 11:00

Tell the safeguarding person at the school. They will have a better idea of what to do and ask to remain anonymous.

We did this when my DC's friend was cutting herself.

JudgeRindersMinder · 17/04/2022 11:01

You must also get it into your som that he is NOT responsible for her. She needs help without a doubt, but he is NOT responsible for her, or her actions. If the worst happens and she does take her life, he must understand that there’s nothing he could have done to change that outcome.

Pennox · 17/04/2022 11:02

Get her some help right now. A boy at my children's school killed himself last year and the devastation is causes is horrific to stand back and watch, even for those not closely involved. And it turned out that he could clearlybhave been helped and it was short term issue. He would have recovered and had his while life ahead to be happy. Don't stand by and let this happen to another young person, please.

Puddingfortea · 17/04/2022 11:07

I had exactly this a few months back. My DDs boyfriend told her the same. I got in touch with his mum to let her know. My DD wasn’t happy about it but I explained that when someone’s safety is at risk, we have to do the right thing no matter what.

Riverlee · 17/04/2022 11:18

@JudgeRindersMinder

You must also get it into your som that he is NOT responsible for her. She needs help without a doubt, but he is NOT responsible for her, or her actions. If the worst happens and she does take her life, he must understand that there’s nothing he could have done to change that outcome.

Was about to come on and say the same thing.

Marblessolveeverything · 17/04/2022 11:43

Look up mental health first aid. There should be some local services for your son's situation. If he isn't able to then you ring and share advice with him. Thank him and reassure him for sharing, and let him know your actions are your own. Dealing with a partner's mental health challenges is very hard. I would see what supports are available to link in with. We have Aware in Ireland and they have information for friends and family, perhaps their web site might help you.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 17/04/2022 11:46

Your son has told you because he can’t deal with this by himself it’s your job now to deal with it. How old is his friend? Either contact her parents or if you can’t contact the police.

HarrietSchulenberg · 17/04/2022 12:30

You need to let an adult in the girl's home know, now. Preferably a parent. This is not your son's responsibility and he has done well for telling you. There is nothing he can do unless you'd like to arm him with some information to pass to his friend while you are telling her parent. Kooth.com is a good resource for her to use rather than burden your son.
If you can't get in touch with her parents please contact the emergency duty team of your local children's services - google your council's name and children's services. If you think this threat is imminent you could call the police and request a welfare check.