Teen (13 year old, year 8) saying he hates his life

[Remmy123]

My DS hates school. Dropped out of football. Games for hours.

He is very unsociable within the family and friends.

He tells me he hates his life and is depressed but cannot tell me why, this conversation usually happens after I have nagged and nagged about him getting off his PC.

He isnt being bullied / has a nice family etc

How much of this is teen stuff and when do I take him saying he is depressed seriously and do something about it?

Thanks .. finding the teen moods challenging.

DS is the same. Its worrying. He tries to engage with friends by text but they reply with one word answers. I don't think it's that they dislike him, but communication between them seems to be difficult.
I don't know what to do to help. He has SEN and would find it impossible trying to join clubs etc

How is your ds doing OP?

He isn't great

hates school but cannot give me any reasons why.

its very frustrating he has changed from a loving open son to quite off with me.

sorry to hear about boy it's a difficult age isn't it 😢

Teenage moods are really hard to deal with so you have my sympathy.
It would definitely help him the more time he spends outside and the more exercise he gets. If he’s dropped out of football is there anything else he can do? Team sports are often difficult as there are so many relationships with teammates to navigate which can be overwhelming and you can feel pressure if you think you’re not as good as other players.
Maybe solo sports like cycling,
running would be better or things he can do with just one other person like tennis, squash, golf?
Walking in nature is also good - especially if you have a dog but even if not.
A friend with similar issues goes for a walk every evening with her DS, they chat or just walk in silence sometimes and maybe stop for a chocolate bar at the shop on the way.
She explained to him that it was important for his mental health to get exercise outside every day to help prevent depression and anxiety. It has really helped him and also really improved their relationship. But I know that it’s not always easy to find the time or even to get them to go along with you.

Remmy123 I have almost the same situation as yourself. My son is 13 & like yours he would spend all day staring at the screen gaming if he could.

He’s not into sport either really, doesn’t like reading, hates school work. I’m really worried about him especially lately. He has one or two friends at school but definitely not many :-((.

Its made worse by his rubbish father - he’s sees him once a week and he’s happy to plonk him in front of play station :-(. Have spoken to his dad to try say he needs to bond with him more. His dad has an all consuming hobby that really really would not appeal to a 13 yr old.
Am desperately trying to think up solutions or anything to help the situation as is awful seeing them so low :-(.
Hope things get better for your son and mine soon

Part of him cutting himself off from you and being a bit "off" is normal teen development so don't be too worried about that. The bit that is worrying is him saying he hates his life and is depressed and stopping his usual activities. That needs to be taken seriously.

That suggests to me potential bullying, friendship issues, a mh issue, a difficulty with some aspect of learning? Some anxiety about being different in some way? Have you checked with his teachers? About his academic work and his friendships? Is this his second year of secondary school; it can be a difficult one for some dc. Did he make friends in first year at new school? Is a change of school necessary? Are his needs being met by the school eg if he is creative and arty and the school is sports-focused, something like that? What is the academic ethos like at the school? Do you get called a nerd for wanting to study?

If you drive I would suggest a long car journey this weekend. Go on an errand to pick something up (car part, Aunt Maisy's antique chest, make something up) for which you need his help. Or go on a train or long bus journey. Something where you can talk but he doesn't have to face you, he can sit alongside you. Make sure trip is enjoyable involving junk food stop off. Doesn't matter if he doesn't talk this time, just get in to the habit of going out and about with him. Recycling, tip, click.& collect etc etc.

Agree about other activities to keep his mind occupied and his body healthy: park run, cycling, climbing wall, swimming, martial art, he could sign up for Duke of E award scheme soon?

Maybe he wants to do something different like cooking, gardening, working with animals?

I would continue to set good boundaries with screen time even though it causes conflict. Well done for holding strong on that one. I personally think its good if they get to earn it.

My DS has had periods like this over the last three years. He's nearly 16 now. You have my sympathy as obviously it's not something we can fix for them.
I just try and make sure he gets enough sleep, eats fairly healthily and does other stuff apart from looking at phone or gaming.
IMO teenagers these days are obsessed with mental health and seem to think that unless they are continuously happy that there is something wrong with them.

Hi all, how are your children getting on!! I’m in this situation now!! Really hope things have improved for everyone xx

I am the original OP and my son is a happy 15 year old things turned a corner - he still gets pissed off with school but on the whole I am no longer worried like I was! He also picked football back up and gets out and about a bit more . I feel like it took him a while to get back into the swing of life after lockdown!

What a lovely update!! So happy to hear you got through it. Can I ask what helped?

Fantastic, gives me some hope 💙

Thank you so much for updating, going through mood swings and arguments with my 13 year old now and this give me hope'

@DGPP we didn't do anything in particular I did nearly get some councilling for him then things improved on their own

sorry for you all going through this - it's really upsetting but keep showing love and support and I am sure things will turn a corner x