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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teen wanting independence

11 replies

MrsBooks · 15/04/2022 14:11

DS1 is 13, and has just bought himself a new scooter with his Christmas money he’d been saving. He is currently at a skate park 2 miles away (he has gone pretty much every day of the Easter hols so far). He leaves on his own and just hangs out with whoever is there - mostly from a different secondary school and he’s made lots of new friends.

DH dropped him and picked him up the first few times he went but now he’s at work and I’m happy to let him make his own way there and back. He did call me once when he got half way home but his foot was hurting (he does have intermittent issues with his heels) and so I went out in rush hour traffic to pick him up. Took 25 mins in the car with traffic and is a longer route as on the scooter he can take a shortcut through an underpass which goes under the motorway.
DH isn’t happy that I’m letting him go so far on his own and spend hours there then make his own way back. DS does keep in touch if I phone him etc and I can track his location etc.

Am I being too lax, or is DH just being too protective?! We both grew up fairly rural and would both spend the day out on our bikes with our friends etc, there were no phones really so we’d just have a time to be in by and that was that. I understand obvious times have changed and I think it’s more the travelling to and from the skate park by himself that bothers him more. Should I ferry him here and there? Which means either dragging DS2 (9) with us or leaving him home alone for half an hour…
Just after an outsiders prospective I guess, and to see how much freedom and independence you allow your kids of a similar age.

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 15/04/2022 14:36

I would be concerned if a NT 13 year old couldn’t travel 2 miles on their own. Doesn’t he get the bus to school?

MrsBooks · 15/04/2022 15:17

@MyDcAreMarvel he walks to school, or I drop him off on my way to work, it’s not far at all.

He is yet to take the bus anywhere yet - he has asked to go with his mates on an inset day but we said we’d rather him go in the school holidays where one of us is about if needed to go and pick him up.

OP posts:
londonmummy1966 · 15/04/2022 15:36

NT child in Year 9 not able to take the bus with his mates? What planet are you on?

ScoobyGrew · 15/04/2022 15:43

Child wants to play in the outdoor world with own friends?
Yes, I'd be all for it.

How long is the journey when your ds does it?

My dd was nine when I first started leaving her by herself at home when I was dropping off and picking up other dd from after school activities. I'm sure your youngest would be fine for half an hour.

waterrat · 15/04/2022 16:00

I think it's great he is able to do thst. So many threads on here with teens not stopping gaming all holidays.

waterrat · 15/04/2022 16:01

He is in the fresh air developing his social skills and getting healthy and fit good for him

LouisRenault · 15/04/2022 16:06

I agree it's good to read about a young lad taking the initiative to get out and about, being active, meeting new people in RL. With summer coming it will be the perfect time for him to start getting the bus with his friends to explore a bit further afield.

The only words of caution I would suggest would be that if any older boys at the skatepark suggest that he goes off with them for any reason, he should decline.

MrsBooks · 15/04/2022 16:43

Thanks for your comments - I must admit half the reason I’m all for it is because I would rather that than him being home on his PlayStation all day! He did come home the other day because a load of older lads had come along and taken over the place so all the younger kids dispersed.

@londonmummy1966 he’s year 8 and he hasn’t ever been on a bus before so was just erring on the side of caution for his first time. Once he’s done it and knows what bus and what stops to get on and off I’d be able to be more relaxed about it.

OP posts:
MrsBooks · 15/04/2022 16:46

@ScoobyGrew it’s 2 miles by his route, half a mile longer by road and across a busy motorway junction which is why it was PITA at rush hour.

OP posts:
lljkk · 18/04/2022 15:33

13yo DSs went all over town by themselves on bikes at stupid-o-clock times in morning, for paper rounds. 12-13yo DS used to go miles away to get wood & potatoes. Just 14yo DS cycles 7.5 miles each way to do his DoE volunteering. So yeah, let your DS go to park on his own!

RedskyThisNight · 18/04/2022 15:41

It depends on your local area, but ferrying him back and forth seems massively overprotective for a 13 year old. My DC were used to that sort of level of freedom from 10/11 (they did come home for meals).

and I would definitely start to work on your DS's independence generally.

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