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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

WWYD - DD 16 wants to go to gig with boy she’s never met

27 replies

Rollergirl11 · 14/04/2022 08:53

DD is going to a gig in 2 weeks in London. She was supposed to be going with a friend who can no longer go. She has just told me that she has offered the spare ticket to a boy that she talks to on Snapchat. She has never met this boy in person. They have been friends on social media for a few years and they share the same taste in music. They have some mutual friends but these people are not really close friends of DD.

I have said that I’m not happy with her going with someone that she’s never met in person before. I have said that she needs to at least meet up with him for a coffee or a walk or something prior to the gig. DD is reluctant to suggest this as she thinks he will think it’s cringey. Surely this is just basic safety?

Would other parents let their DD do this? She’s having me doubt myself!

OP posts:
ivfbabymomma1 · 14/04/2022 08:59

I wouldn't like this either to be honest. You'll get people saying well I moved out at 16 blah blah but I agree with you I wouldn't be happy. At the very least, at least they are meeting in a public place

Blewitt · 14/04/2022 15:16

I'd be ok with this. There are lots of people at gigs, my daughter always meets new people and makes new friends when she goes to a gig so it's not that different to doing that. Your daughter won't be on her own with him so in a way I'd say it is safer than meeting one on one for a drink! This is how young people socialise online and at least they have some friends in common so he is not a completely random person.

IVFdreams2021 · 14/04/2022 15:31

NO WAY!!

Queenofthebrae · 14/04/2022 15:35

This has made me uneasy just reading it. It would be a no from me to my daughter. Be the bad guy and tell her it's for her own safety. Different meeting people at a gig while with a friend who could look out for you to meeting a complete stranger, whose intentions are unknown.

waterrat · 14/04/2022 16:12

Has she seen him on a video chat ?

FrancescaContini · 14/04/2022 16:16

Nope, not in a trillion years.

Greatoutdoors · 14/04/2022 16:16

Would it be terrible for you to go and be in the vicinity? Like a restaurant next door or something? Say it’s for a lift but you are there if she feels uncomfortable at any point.

Joolsin · 14/04/2022 16:20

I would allow it but only with conditions - I would drop her there and pick her up afterwards, and preferably meet him beforehand or have some form of contact.

AWOIF · 14/04/2022 16:22

I would say its fine, as they've known each other on social media for a few years, also they have mutual friends. I would insist on picking her up afterwards though.

GreenClock · 14/04/2022 16:22

Are the mutual friends real-life friends or members of the same online community?

I wouldn’t really feel ok with this. I like your coffee idea. Tell her to blame you if she feels cringey ie “mum not happy about my going to London with you before we’ve met, would you be ok with a Costa next week?”

Duchess379 · 14/04/2022 16:40

Omg, no! He could be some 50yr old predator! Absolutely no!

KittenKong · 14/04/2022 16:45

Has she seen him on video or spoken to him? I assume she believes he is a lad of her own age - but you never know and he could be an absolute creep.

How is she getting to London - is it close?

crackingreward · 14/04/2022 16:49

@Duchess379

Omg, no! He could be some 50yr old predator! Absolutely no!

I think that they have been social media friends for a few years and have mutual friends probably rules that out tbh.

I would do the 'I will take you and pick you up'

Original poster
Rollergirl11 · 14/04/2022 18:03

There is no doubt that he is who he says he is so not worried on that front. They snap pictures to each other all the time, as all teens seem to do these days, so she knows what he looks like. And yes the mutual friends are friends from her school, boys that play football with him etc. They have tried to meet each other at other gigs when they have been with their friends in the past but it’s never worked out for one reason or another. I’m more concerned that they might not get in person and it be awkward between them and he might ditch her or something and then she’s on her own.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 14/04/2022 18:05

Is she confident doing stuff in London?

MolliciousIntent · 14/04/2022 18:06

@Rollergirl11

There is no doubt that he is who he says he is so not worried on that front. They snap pictures to each other all the time, as all teens seem to do these days, so she knows what he looks like. And yes the mutual friends are friends from her school, boys that play football with him etc. They have tried to meet each other at other gigs when they have been with their friends in the past but it’s never worked out for one reason or another. I’m more concerned that they might not get in person and it be awkward between them and he might ditch her or something and then she’s on her own.
Surely at 16 she can cope with a bit of awkwardness and/or being on her own!?
museumum · 14/04/2022 18:08

I think it’s fine but with LOTS of rules. The gig I think is fine with lots of people around but are they travelling together? That’s a bit more iffy. Can you collect her after? At least off the tube?

BeetyAxe · 14/04/2022 18:08

No way and I’m normally quite lax. How many people do you hear of them meeting their online “friends” and something happens to them. I think it’s one of those situations where you have to be the big bad mum and put your foot down. Could another ticket be bought and a different friend go?

crackingreward · 14/04/2022 18:14

@BeetyAxe

No way and I’m normally quite lax. How many people do you hear of them meeting their online “friends” and something happens to them. I think it’s one of those situations where you have to be the big bad mum and put your foot down. Could another ticket be bought and a different friend go?

Lots of people have met online and nothing bad has happened though. That's like saying you can never go on a date because people have been killed on dates. Sure you have to be vigilant when meeting people from online but it's not unreasonable to do so. My best friend I met as an adult online in 2005 and in person 2010 and we meet up every year now.

2bazookas · 14/04/2022 18:17

I'd invite him to your home so you can all meet him. Not least, to make surer he is "a boy" and not a 55yr old creep.

This is one of those occasions when innocent parents have to be the cringe-making excuse to let DC off the hook. She can tell the lad her ghastly parents are controlling old fogies who won't let her go unless he comes to tea on Saturday.

VariationsonaTheme · 14/04/2022 18:21

I would be fine with this only because it’s a gig and they’ll be surrounded by hundreds of people. Meeting for coffee or a walk would be more risky.

Puddingfortea · 14/04/2022 20:10

I’d be ok with this.

sweetbellyhigh · 14/04/2022 23:01

@BeetyAxe

No way and I’m normally quite lax. How many people do you hear of them meeting their online “friends” and something happens to them. I think it’s one of those situations where you have to be the big bad mum and put your foot down. Could another ticket be bought and a different friend go?

I hear of infinitely more people meeting friends on social media than those who meet enemies.

Cheekymaw · 14/04/2022 23:05

My daughter is almost 16. Not a chance in hell I would allow her to meet some guy she has never met . Just no. If she was 26 ,I would be the same. Could be anyone !!

sweetbellyhigh · 14/04/2022 23:17

@Cheekymaw

My daughter is almost 16. Not a chance in hell I would allow her to meet some guy she has never met . Just no. If she was 26 ,I would be the same. Could be anyone !!
But she hasn't just met him, they've known each other for ages.
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