DS (18) has self-diagnosed himself as autistic

[User3459876295]

I'd be grateful if anyone can advise on this please. I'm a regular using a NC to protect DS privacy.

DS has told his dad that he thinks he is autistic. I think he has gone down this road because he feels that he doesn't "get" social interactions and is struggling with that. He's also then fastened on to the fact that he's very quick with numbers and systems (he barely ever drops a mark in A Level Maths) and has a phenomenal memory for certain types of information such as flags (don't know if anyone saw the ridiculous flag round on University Challenge but that's the sort of thing he does for fun). I don't know whether someone has said something to him but he's done some online tests and apparently his score indicates that he may be autistic.

I don't think he is but I am really not an expert. None of his teachers have ever raised this as a possibility. I do recognise that he is awkward in social situations but have put this down to lack of confidence especially after Covid has curtailed his social life.

There are lots of reasons why I think he's got this wrong, but I know they're based on my own, inexpert and probably wrong, understanding of autism. Reading this www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/brain-nerves-and-spinal-cord/autism-spectrum-disorder-asd#characteristics-of-autism he ticks some boxes but I imagine many people do.

He's obviously been mulling over this for a while and I don't want to dismiss it. My experiences of work and friendship with autistic people suggests to me that DS has got this wrong - his brain doesn't seem to be wired like theirs are. But I recognise that I am very far from being an expert and need to recognise that he may be right.

Can anyone recommend what I can do next? There are so many online tests but none of them seem very reliable.

@dizzydizzydizzy

I would suggest your DS Contacts his GP and asks for a Referral for an autism assessment. The GP will ask him why he thinks he may be autistic.

I'm in my 50s and my GP referred me a few months ago. I was triaged by somebody (a nurse?) in a specialist service and she agreed with the GP and put me in the list for a full assessment.

Just be aware the GP might be dismissive and unhelpful.

Mine told me I couldn't be autistic because I had a job/family/good marriage.

Also our trust doesn't assess adults unless they are in education or being seen by the mental health team and it gets picked up 'by accident'

This happened to us earlier this year only our ds2 was 13. He made a good case so we are paying for a private assessment to see if the experts agree. If not actually on the spectrum he is most definitely sitting on the edge w his feet in the water so it will be interesting to see what they say. And once we know we then need to find ways to support him because the anxiety, rigidity etc will still be there if he is autistic or no.

I would second other PP who are aware enough to know that social media is rife with "self diagnose yourself with ADHD/autism/tourettes/gender dysphoria/bi polar" (before you dismiss this out of hand, you haven't been there ok).

Your son is most likely to be a run of the mill geek.
Awkward socially. Can't get a gf. Good at maths. Likes computers and is introverted. Spends a lot of time on the internet.

These things used to be known as a personality. Nowadays personalities need a medical diagnosis.

Disclaimer, I'm basing my post on one Mumsnet OP and I do not know this individual. I do know what is trendy in youth circles right now though.

I have a son diagnosed with ASD and and dyspraxic/dyslexic (so no matter what neurodiverse) daughter who has many traits of ASD.

I wouldn’t rule our what your son has said in any way. My DD is the same age as your son and she masked incredibly well until last year when a few things started to point more and more towards ASD. It really helps as a starting point towards knowing yourself to determine if you are autistic or not so if your son wants to know encourage him to find out.