Can’t take anymore abuse

[Cocopogo]

I started a thread a couple of weeks ago about the possibility of DD going to boarding school and was mostly advised against it so I’ve parked that idea but I honestly don’t know how much more I can take. DD is so angry about 95% of the time. Almost all of our communication is her screaming at me. For example, I arrived home from work tonight, she snatches the car key from me, goes and gets her phone from my car (confiscated) throws my car keys against the lounge wall and runs upstairs. I ask for the phone and she goes mental. Shuts herself in the room I have to bide my time and then make a grab and run. She proceeds to open and slam the door over and over. Screaming and shouting about how much she hates me etc.

@ChiswickFlo

I'm sorry op :(. Sounds so tough. I can only empathise as my sister was that child and it completely blighted my life as a teen. I was told every morning and night that she wished I was dead. For about 4 years. My parents just didn't deal with her behaviour (which included a pg scare at 13) and she was allowed to abuse me for years. She's gone on to make some pretty poor life choices and I'm no longer prepared to tidy up after her. No idea why shes like it. Same parents, same upbringing... We have pretty much no relationship now. I would have been so happy if they'd sent her to boarding school (or me for that matter!!) Being abused by one's own family - especially children - seems such a taboo subject still. You have the right to feel safe and happy in your own home:(

I was in a similar situation and would have done absolutely anything to go to boarding school.

@HollowTalk
Awful isn't it? ((Hugs))

Sorry people went through this too. It’s so hard to know what how to handle her. If I discuss her behaviour when calm she flies in to a rage again and if I try to discipline when she’s going off on one it just escalates. On the rare occasion I can talk to her without it flying in to a rage she just says sorry, and doesn’t know why she did it. If I try talking to her in the car, as suggested, she kicks off in the car. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve had to pull over and ask her to leave the car and practically have to man-handle her out of it because I refuse to sit there while she kicks and screams. She def getting worse, days by day and there’s been a def decline at school the last month and at home the last six months.

It sounds really hard OP. I’ve been having these problems with my dd over the years as well. She was at her absolute worst at 13, really nasty to me and dh, and yes, I had the kicking off in the car as well. What i found really helped was getting some external help. School pastoral staff, support workers, family members etc. Sadly it does sound like a form of abuse, (like it was with my dd, though it’s coming from a place of a struggling teen),and while the above interventions were to help her, it removed the secrecy and shame about what we were going through as a family, which allow this sort of thing to get worse.
we’re not out of the woods yet but the really bad meltdowns have stopped

Have you approached your GP or camhs?

She sounds vile. I'd pack her off to boarding school in a nano-second.

Pay for private family talking therapy. She needs to address this pronto. And you can't live like that.

Definitely don't wait for NHS MH help.My DD is on the waiting list both in and out of school counselling.We got past all the assessment stages but nothing ever comes of it and it just kept getting put back at school.We could see things changing and going down hill very quickly with very little support.School were great tbf but they were very limited to what they could do.We decided to go for private therapy and even though very expensive,within the first few sessions we noticed a few positive changes - less angry and volatile,a little more self esteem and respect,doing as asked more.Not saying it's a quick fix,DD needs to go for 6 months and we are still worried about her MH and daft decisions but at least it's going in the right direction as to what it was before.If you can afford it,I would definitely recommend private therapy.I also find taking her and seeing all the other parents there and knowing we are all in the same boat,I come out feeling like I've had a small dose of therapy.

Thanks. I will look in who has availability

Hi. How are things now? Going through this with my DD and it's utter hell on earth.

I am also looking through teen threads and came across this as going through similar. How did things work out?

Oh I hope I dont get annoyed by this because at the moment this sounds wonderful 😂

We've just starting getting help, school counselling has started and I have GP appointment for NHS referral but accept may need to do private.

CAMHS have rejected us numerous times. She is now due to be starting at a hospital school (smaller class sizes for long term EBSA) but the abuse st home gets worse. The demands. Phone addiction, no respect for boundaries.

If she steals from you phone the police and report her.
See how arsey she is then.
Sounds like she needs a reality check.