Too much gaming causing depression?

[Remmy123]

Hi there

My son is 13 and year 8. He doesnt find joy in very much, he spends all of his spare time gaming and it's getting worse and worse.

He said he has no friends to go out with, he used to be very popular so this is unusual.

This half term he has done nothing but game, sometimes forgetting to eat. I am working and have two other children so kind of let things slide.

When he comes off I get him to come down and interact with his family, at this point he is very lathargic and very moody/ tearful says he feels depressed. Very snappy. Used to be very loving and funny boy.

He is talking to other gamers online so isn't now even interacting with his friends even online.

I've told him today he is having a break and I am taking him go-karting which he loves (my pocket doesn't!! ££)I feel like I have enabled him to basically end up with an addiction because.. well that's what is making him happy but now I see he is withdrawing from life, etc

I guess hormones come into play too.

Any advice from other parents of gamers in how to regulate / limit gaming etc.

Thanks

Can you ask what has happened with his friends - has there been a fall out?

I would encourage him to join an activity outside of school. Doesn't matter what it is. Coding can be quite appealing to gamers. That will lead him to a new group of friends which is helpful as when there is discord in the school group he can turn to the outside group and vice versa.

Check who he's talking to. At 13 he shouldn't have access to talk to whoever online. There are some very inappropriate people out there, it's not just a problem for girls.

Put limits on the gaming time. I'd personally negotiate these using the collaborative problem solving model just because you'll get less pushback and it's more likely to open up a discussion but however you do it, put limits on the gaming time. It can be addictive.

Thanks so much!

I told him he needs to invest more time in his school friends and make more effort .. he said they make no effort with him. Not sure there has been an actual fall out I guess he just isn't interacting or finding any of his mates as exciting as gaming.

I'll look into coding.. i did suggest it once before but guy a huge eye roll back 😬

OK if he's not into coding maybe that's no use. DS did parkour for a bit. I think I would insist on some activity but he can choose what it is.

I would try to stay away from telling him how to fix his problems as you will get pushback (ha sorry I know I just said make him choose an activity). This book is really great and explains the process I mentioned before:

www.amazon.co.uk/Raising-Human-Beings-Collaborative-Partnership/dp/1476723761?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Thanks .. thst book had great reviews!

Do be careful who he is speaking to online op. If its making him teary and sad it might not be good company.

We all of us parents have the screen struggle don't beat yourself up. Could you write up some changes you want to see...like him doing an activity at least or 3 days a week....

Youth club? Sport..drama...swimming.

Could you try and rescue some school friendships by pushing him to meet up ? Family friends with similar age kids ?

Gaming is an addiction and they get a high off playing. When they aren't playing they don't get that high so can become down, lethargic, depressed etc....... games and social media is designed to be addictive.

Get him off the games as much as possible and in the real world.

I don't think excessive gaming is the cause, it's a symptom.

You see the same thing in adults. It's easier and simpler to turn a console on an immerse yourself in an imaginary world where you can still cooperate and communicate with real-life friends, yet you don't have to go outside, deal with the people you don't want to see, fix your appearance to be socially acceptable, and so on and so forth.

Loss of interest in formerly enjoyable things is a symptom of depression, and that includes depressed people who have never been anywhere near a video game in their lives. Children who are feeling low have always dodged social interactions, they just used to hide in their bedrooms and play records, craft, play with toys or whatever. Gaming is just a modern panacea that has replaced earlier and outdated ones.