Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

Anyone swapped teens smart phone for basic mobile

16 replies

chinnychinchilla · 04/04/2022 19:42

Dd14 has had multiple confiscations of her phone after talking to people she's met online, lied about things, causing drama between friends etc. anyway now school ring me to say another parent has rang them, she's been horrible to another girl, slightly provoked but girl didn't deserve the way dd spoke to her. Check her phone again and she's horrible to people all the time, always wanting to cause arguments and she's said some really horrible things to people who are not even arguing back really just saying leave me alone stop texting me etc

Anyway, I want to take her phone and her laptop, get her a cheapy phone so she can call and text if she needs to but can't get apps etc. and she can do her homework on the family pc.

Is this overkill? I don't want my child to be a bully she needs to know it's not acceptable I have not raised her this way.

I'm a young mum and really struggle with knowing if I'm being too lenient or too harsh with punishments/consequences so Asking on here for advice. Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

chinnychinchilla · 04/04/2022 19:44

Basically I want to make sure I impose suitable consequences for bad behaviour and bullying but I also don't want to push so hard that she rebels against everything and ends up out of control

OP posts:

isthismylifenow · 04/04/2022 19:51

It is not overkill at all.

In fact does she need a phone at all?

I would be confiscating and not replacing thee phone, but I don't know if she needs to be contactable after school etc.

Original poster

chinnychinchilla · 04/04/2022 20:00

Thank you! I'd rather she have one really as she gets the bus home from school and if she's home alone we don't have a land line.

OP posts:

carefullycourageous · 04/04/2022 20:10

My children had non-smart phones until quite old, only one left in that age group now. I asked if anyone else has a crap phone - they said no. I asked if they mind - they said no.

I know I have been quite lucky but they have not seemed to mind and just swapped when they were older.

I know I am an outlier but I think they are an absolute menace really. I think it is a) a reasonable consequence and b) quite a cheap option for you, and you can always switch the sim back in a while if they seem to have grown up a bit.

Anjo2011 · 04/04/2022 20:13

Do it. My 13 year old was playing up earlier this year, I bought a Nokia in Currys for £20, she had it for eight weeks and recently got her smart phone back. The option was no phone or the Nokia. She would never admit it but I think she found it quite freeing not to be constantly attached to it.

Original poster

chinnychinchilla · 04/04/2022 20:18

Thank you! Yes I do agree that she has found it freeing in the past to be forced away from her phone.

It's great that my instincts seem to be along the right lines, I've very little confidence in my parenting of teens (younger children it feels like there's much more advice and guidelines of what to do!)

I need to listen to my gut and trust that I'm doing my best rather than doubt myself

OP posts:

Housetreecar · 04/04/2022 20:20

Not over the top. One of my children is on a final warning on their iPhone as they keen damaging it and have no respect for expensive possessions. I have said if it gets damaged again I will give them a basic Nokia. I 100% will stick to this

Snoopsnoggysnog · 04/04/2022 20:23

OP agree about switching the phone but what about the underlying issues driving her behaviour? Is she getting some support to deal with these or do you know what is causing her to behave like this?

teacake89 · 04/04/2022 20:26

Dd is 14, we took her phone off her a few years ago and replaced with a cheap one, she hated it as she couldn't listen to music etc. As a compromise I gave her her old phone back but I installed an app on it called blocksite. It basically means she can use the smart phone but all social media etc has been disabled along with certain websites I don't want her to visit.

Original poster

chinnychinchilla · 04/04/2022 20:28

@Snoopsnoggysnog

OP agree about switching the phone but what about the underlying issues driving her behaviour? Is she getting some support to deal with these or do you know what is causing her to behave like this?

I've tried talking to her. I think she just craves drama and gets very easily bored. I have tried dealing with this before when she's been causing arguments but I've emailed the school pastoral team today to ask if they can offer and advice or support with this.

OP posts:

loopylindi · 04/04/2022 20:28

@Housetreecar

If they keep damaging the phone why have you kept replacing it?

CockSpadget · 04/04/2022 20:39

No, definitely not overkill! Bullying other people the way she is, is absolutely unacceptable and she needs to be given some harsh consequences. Her phone/laptop need taking away from her for the sake of her poor victims if nothing else.

CatsArePeople · 04/04/2022 22:04

i'd take off internet except for homework if she can't behave. She's old enough to know better. She certainly can live without a phone.

Mydogisagentleman · 05/04/2022 10:56

Our DD is older (19), she was addicted to her phone and she recognised herself that her university work was suffering.
She has voluntarily got herself an old fashioned Nokia and said it’s the best thing she could have done

BearingFalseWitness · 20/01/2023 02:05

@chinnychinchilla its hard, but please take it away. Smart Phones are causing a serious decline in our daughters mental health across the West. We were living in another country and I didn’t give my eldest a smart phone until she went to (American) high school at 14/15, her sister also didn’t get her first phone until she was 14 and they both lived. At times we would take the phones away if we needed to.
They are both fine, never had any serious behavioral problems and they are 21 & 19. My 22 yr even said the other day that the most popular boy in her high school didn’t ever get a Smart Phone! He still had his Nokia or equivalent at 18. It’s very difficult to get them interested in any other sport/ activity/hobby if they are all on their phones constantly.
My 19 yr old has a phone safe and locks her phone away when she feels too addicted.

fUNNYfACE36 · 20/01/2023 02:35

The issue is not t he phone, it is her behaviour

Flip