AIBU - 12 and 15 home alone after school

[NosyJosie]

I am planning for my two children to be home alone together for 2-3 hours, two or three days a week after school from September. I work.
They are both sensible, know how to grab a snack safely and typically watch tv/game in that time. I will be home in time to cook dinner and do homework.
My XH thinks this is unreasonable and irresponsible and suggested it is neglectful and he should have custody. The children do not want to live with him full time for a number of reasons.

AIBU? There are no clear official guidelines on this.

Unless there is SEN or you live in a war zone... that sounds extremely normal.

Absolutely fine.

He’s mad.

I wouldn’t think twice! I leave my 14 and almost 11yo twice a week for that length of time. Both ridiculously sensible and (dare I say it, boring).

I get them some ready meals in, if there’s nothing pre-prepped so the eldest just bangs it in the microwave.

There’s no options for after school care so needs must

I must be a shit parent then because my now 13 year old for the past two years has been home alone 2 hours after school, locked the door and taken himself to school and stayed home alone if ill (obviously minor illness such as colds) whilst I've been to work

It is 100% usual for secondary aged children to look after themselves after school until working parents get home.

Mine did their homework after a snack, all I had to do was check they had it done and everything ready for school the next day, so you shouldn’t need to ‘do homework’.

If your ex tries to argue that this is neglectful in court mirth will ensue.

My Dc and all their friends with working parents did this 5 days a week

Completely fine and normal. He's probably trying to make you second guess yourself.

I don't love it but my DC are same age and do this 4 days a week, they have been doing this since September. 2 of those days each of them also walks a mile to an activity (I collect them)

I did this from age 9 five days a week

Cooked family tea from age 13

Your ex is a twat

Tell your ex to raise the Cms and you will find after school activities for them.
My dd's would have been happy at home secondary school age after school.. Ds has some SN so we made sure 1 of us was in - irrational fear of being kidnapped /alien invasion or zombie attack..
And the school at the time saw no issues with him..
Mm.

He's being a dick. It's very much part of the process of becoming independent. Completely normal and a necessary step for them. I guess he was a bit controlling in your marriage.

Sounds fine to me. Mine are slightly younger and do this.
Biggest problem is their choice of snacks!

Totally normal. Not at all neglectful- that would be laughed out. There's no wraparound childcare for teenagers (can you imagine?!). The only thing that I might worry a bit about is whether they fall out and get physical. Mine are younger and they can fall out - but when they are left alone for short periods, they both behave much more responsibly and with care for each other than when I'm around to referee. So I'd be clear with them that they are on trust to treat each other respectfully.

12 yrs old is old enough to be home for a couple of hours. he sounds like he’s just trying to make things difficult for you .

Sounds like he is trying to wind you up or find silly excuses to demand custody. My 15 year old DD was home alone for three days while I was in Prague, many years ago. She coped fine and even baked me a cake for when I returned. What age does your ex think teenagers should be allowed to have any independence? Would he rather they go off to uni never having learned how to function as adults?

It's fine.

A huge proportion of secondary aged children will do this. Your ex clearly doesn’t understand age appropriate independence!

Thank you very much. Every assumption about him is correct. There is a no contact order in place so he tries to turn the mundane into an “emergency” at every given opportunity.
Nice to hear other examples as well so thank you again so much 🥰

It sounds like your ex is just trying to be petty point score with you. At 12 and 15 they are not babies - they will probably just be doing homework/watching tv - not playing with electric sockets and fiddling with the switches on the oven. If they are sensible kids, they will be absolutely fine! You can always send them a WhatsApp to make sure they got in ok/are doing fine!

My two eldest are 14 and 12 and are alone after school for a couple of hours twice a week. However from April they'll be home alone for two days a week in school holidays - two full days, 8-4.

There aren't a lot of other options when they get to teen years.

OMG yes of course it is totally fine OP.

My DC were at home on their own after school for up to an hour from younger than that. Like, DS2 age 10, DD similar age too, DS1 aged about 12 I guess. Even the dreaded NSPCC guidelines (sorry for swearing) say 12 is OK.

My ds 14 is alone all day saturday as I work.. i think its his favourite day of the week.. He does spend most day on x box..

He came home from school unwell the other day.. If he needed to go to hospital i would leave work but not for essentially cold symptoms. He went to bed and i would just have needed to be quiet

My yr 7 child does this 4 or 5 days a week. I am not home until half six. They regularly sort their dinner in the air fryer, bake cakes and biscuits and just text me if they are going to a friends or to town on their bike. They will also be doing this during the easter holidays - I have to work! (although there will also be the older two with them. They are 14 and 16 but out and about. It is basically like King's cross station some days with all the comings and goings. I just ask to be kept updated as to whereabouts.)

your XH is a dick. Does he not work?

I assume he wants to cause you difficulties rather than actually being concerned about the dc. But even if he was concerned about them, does he think there's after school care available for 15 year olds?