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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

14 year old dd friendships

10 replies

Summersunhopefully · 31/03/2022 22:59

Hi, my daughter is in year 9 and has a group of friends who leave her out. She says they ignore her and walk off without her. At times she has a good chat with individuals. She has been friends with her best friend since year 5 but she can be hot and cold and isn’t reliable. There are boys and girls in this group and there can be quite a toxic atmosphere. My dd makes an effort to be friendly/kind/chatty but feels rejected and alone. I’m going to speak with her head of year but I’m just not sure how normal this is or what to do…any ideas?

OP posts:

AllSo · 31/03/2022 23:12

Sadly quite normal but must be difficult. I'm not sure what the head of year can do though. Encourage her to join some lunch clubs.

BluebellsGreenbells · 31/03/2022 23:17

Encourage her to speak to others. Kids if kids get left out and feel lost at school.

Her BF was never really that was she? Shame she kept thinking it.

People grow apart. The head won’t be able to do anything he can’t force them to be friends.

Hiddenvoice · 31/03/2022 23:18

As pp said this is sadly quite normal for this age group.
I’d suggest she joins some clubs and try chat to some different peers in her classes. I’d encourage her not to make too much effort with her current group because they will expect her to be trying hard with them.
It’s a good idea to talk to the school but let your daughter know as they may try put them all together for a chat and she may feel uncomfortable with it.

Original poster

Summersunhopefully · 31/03/2022 23:18

I’m hoping the head of year knows other students who may be in a similar situation…maybe they can be encouraged to do a club or put in the same class for their options next year? 🤞

OP posts:

Original poster

Summersunhopefully · 31/03/2022 23:19

@Hiddenvoice

As pp said this is sadly quite normal for this age group. I’d suggest she joins some clubs and try chat to some different peers in her classes. I’d encourage her not to make too much effort with her current group because they will expect her to be trying hard with them. It’s a good idea to talk to the school but let your daughter know as they may try put them all together for a chat and she may feel uncomfortable with it.

Yes…good idea about not trying too hard. She doesn’t want to be alone tho and other people are all in friendship groups…

OP posts:

Original poster

Summersunhopefully · 31/03/2022 23:30

@BluebellsGreenbells

Encourage her to speak to others. Kids if kids get left out and feel lost at school.

Her BF was never really that was she? Shame she kept thinking it.

People grow apart. The head won’t be able to do anything he can’t force them to be friends.

Any ideas how best to support?

OP posts:

AllSo · 01/04/2022 08:00

Sometimes it's better to be floating and not grouped up. It's a lesson in life and can be a good lesson if you support her. Help her explore what SHE likes, what SHE is interested in and learn to be comfortable with her way of being, tell her also to stop being so kind and nice. It will all fall into place and can change quickly. The more confident she is in herself and the less needy of approval the more likely that the other kids will be interested in her. Is she really good at anything? Dance, a hobby? are there school clubs she can immerse herself in?

Most importantly she needs to ditch the old 'friend'.

Ame133 · 28/04/2022 21:22

@Summersunhopefully I know this thread is now a few weeks old but how is your DD now? My DD is the same age and going through something very similar. She seems to have had friendship issues on and off since year 7. It is so hard to watch and not be able to help.

Original poster

Summersunhopefully · 28/04/2022 23:33

I know what you mean…so difficult to find something that you can do that helps! I tried to make sure I took my dd out at weekends (cinema, lunch, shopping). I tried to be a ‘friend’ (as much as you can! I’m obviously not as fun/cool!!). Things have blown over a bit now and her group have let her in again and things seem a bit smoother. I’ve arranged a councillor to help her talk through how she’s feeling. They are starting next week so hopefully this will make a difference. I’m hoping this continues but parenting teen girls (or almost teens, I also have a year 7, 12 yr old) is a complete rollercoaster and I’m forever ‘firefighting’ never knowing if what I’m doing is right!! Where’s the handbook?! Hope everything gets better with your dd

OP posts:

Selok · 29/04/2022 00:04

They eventually find their feet with the friendship- it is always up and down, always a drama and never a dull day with the girls (especially in single sex school) my daughter's best friends are now her boy mates and one girl bestie- she is invited to all of the parties happening in town she has a very active social life but have a few besties most of them are boys! Girls can be very artificial and back stabbers

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