Boys asking for nudes

[TheElusivePotato]

It has become apparent that my 14 year old daughter has been asked by two different boys for nude pictures. One is another 14 year old (her on/off boyfriend from school) and one is a 17 year old from a weekend club.
She’s not that upset about it - she says she just said no and that’s the end of it - but the school are taking it very seriously and we are reporting to the safeguarding lead at her club too.
She’s really upset that she’s opened a can of worms and that everyone will hate her for getting the boys in trouble. I feel for her, but as adults we have the responsibility to protect these children and stamp out this kind of behaviour. I feel so sad that this is so common (happened to my older dd too) and that the kids just shrug it off as normal.
We’ve asked her to delete Snapchat, but she’s not happy about that. We’re just taking it gently so far as it’s so unfair for her to be “punished” when she hasn’t done anything wrong.
We’ve explained why the boyfriend is not good, but I’m reluctant to ban her seeing him (she rarely sees him outside of school) as I don’t want it to become secret.
The older boy is blocked so she can’t speak to him, but will see him at the weekend at her club. Any advice? How worried should I be?

I don't think she should be punished by having to delete Snapchat where I'm guessing she talks to her friends. At the end of the day she's done nothing wrong at all.
As long as she knows not to send any photos of herself and the consequences if she did then I don't think she need to impose any restrictions on her at all.
Let the school and safeguarding leader deal with the boys.

'She' should be 'you'

Thank you. Her Dad is a bit more hardline on these things than I am, so it’s good to get some other opinions on the best approach.

Happens all the time I’m afraid. She will likely start getting unsolicited dick pics too. I was horrified but most teenage girls seem to take it as a matter of course. Concentrate on ensuring she has the self-confidence not to succumb to this sort of pressure from boys.
They do seem to be particularly entitled now, where girls are concerned. Like they are owed something, I absolutely blame pornography.
Don’t take away her Snapchat, you will just isolate her from her friends.

Has your daughter see Zara McDermott's documentary that she did last year? Revenge Porn?

I think a lot of young people follow her on insta

Might help put into perspective that this is not ok and the boys should be punished

What or who gives young boys the impression it's ok to send dick pics?

Fucking little pervs. Grow up to be big pervs

We need a massive change of attitude and reeducation

How did you find out? Sounds like she’s been really sensible.

A friend’s son had a police visit when he was in the boy’s position here - think he had also sent nudes - massively put the wind up him & a salutary lesson!

When this used to happen to me I'd try to embarrass them out of doing it again. Only if I felt physically safe from retaliation.

If they asked for nudes I would send them a picture of Danny Devito or someone similar.
If they kept pestering for them after I had said no, I would tell them that if they kept it up I would screenshot it and send it to their mum.

If they sent unsolicited dicks, I would just send a laughing or an awkward emoji or a photo of one of those sausage slicers.

They tended not to try again and it did make it feel less scary if I could at least make it funnier for myself.

It is really annoying and can make you feel like your just personalised porn for a creep who you thought was your friend. Hope your daughter is okay.

She told a teacher as she was upset about an argument with her boyfriend and it all came out. He’s quite controlling and jealous too which the teachers (and we) are also concerned about.
She is sensible generally and will talk to us about stuff when we asked but doesn’t always volunteer the information.

@TheElusivePotato

She told a teacher as she was upset about an argument with her boyfriend and it all came out. He’s quite controlling and jealous too which the teachers (and we) are also concerned about. She is sensible generally and will talk to us about stuff when we asked but doesn’t always volunteer the information.

She’s 14, a child. You should be stopping her from having any more dealings with this boy. He’s not her ‘boyfriend’, he’s the kind of boy that turns into a vicious, violent man.

Just explain the law to her, it’s illegal to take, share or store compromising images of under 16s. It’s a police issue because it’s illegal and the boys need support now before it escalates to other illegal activity

Believe me, I don’t want her anywhere near the boy!

She only sees him at school.

@hungrymutha

What or who gives young boys the impression it's ok to send dick pics?

Fucking little pervs. Grow up to be big pervs

We need a massive change of attitude and reeducation

This^

I also don’t think your daughter should be punished via Snapchat removal (or at least she will see it that way?) She seems very sensible, you’ve done a good job. Let her know that these things can escalate and be used as revenge / blackmail.

There’s a series in sky/Netflix now - ‘the holiday’ extreme but all about this kind of thing. Oh just seen she’s only 14, a child. God is this what the world has come to. A tough age, how disgusting of the boys involved. If that were my son I’d hit the bloody roof. I thought your daughter was 17 not 14. Bloody hell.

She’s done nothing wrong. While I can understand the need to protect her by deleting Snapchat - banning her could mean she hides things in the future. Best to promote positive open communication between your family.

She should also be praised by raising it - young teenagers especially (& mainly boys) need to be aware that asking for nudes is wrong. It’s used as another way of putting pressure on young teenagers (girls mainly) to do things they are completely uncomfortable with just to please the ‘boyfriend’

The amount of times my daughter has been asked for nudes and thankfully she has said no - she doesn’t want to be in someone’s ‘w@nk’ bank. It shouldn’t be normalised and it’s good that the school has taken a strong approach- maybe they need to reinforce during PHSE lesson how uncomfortable, wrong and illegal it is.

Thank you all. She’s doing good today, I think the school have reassured her that the repercussions will be minimal and the weekend club are taking it seriously too. Her teacher told her she should have no contact with the boys and so have we and her friends so I hope she will listen.

So it sounds like neither the school or club are going to speak to the boys. I don’t know what to feel about that. Surely it’s not up to girls / women to police boys/men? Shouldn’t they be told what they did was wrong? What if they do it to someone more vulnerable / younger / not as switched on. Fuck!

Honestly I'd be reporting the 17yo to the police - he's over the age of consent and asking a 14yo for nudes?! They could have a strong word at least - if she had sent them he would have committed a crime by having them in his possession. (So would the 14yo - and technically your DD - but the age gap makes it so much worse).

Agree about showing Zara McDermott's documentary, and the 17 year old should be reported to the police.

@KatieKat88

Honestly I'd be reporting the 17yo to the police - he's over the age of consent and asking a 14yo for nudes?! They could have a strong word at least - if she had sent them he would have committed a crime by having them in his possession. (So would the 14yo - and technically your DD - but the age gap makes it so much worse).

Yes I’m surprised no one had anything to say about that. 17 year old asking for pics from a minor. Any age is disgusting but the age gap makes it even worse