Teenage Eating Disorder

[JOGLE]

Has anyone got knowledge or experience of helping a 19 year female with an eating disorder. My daughter is fading fast before my very eyes, she is in denial. I feel worthless, I cant help her and feel I cant the support which is much needed. Do I have to sit back and watch her kill herself? or is there some-one who can help us. I say us, as I need to know how to help her as her mother, She feels now she is 19 I cant help her and her eating disorder has taken over her life and is destroying ours as a family. It is ruling her. She used to be so beautiful now she is skin and bone. I am so helpless, can anyone help us please. You never stop being a parent even though she is now 19 years she is still my baby girl. Thank you

I’m so sorry you are going through this..have you looked for any online resources, charities etc? Is she getting medical help? Apologies not much help from me but bumping for you

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/worried-about-a-friend-or-family-member/

If she is that unwell, she can be treated as an inpatient

I developed disordered eating at 19. My parents were doctors and worried so much but think I always stayed the right side of it being really critical.

For me it was about control. Suddenly being an adult and wanting some control of it all. I think the hardest thing to do will be to get her to admit her problem. I constantly denied there was anything wrong.

I think if you can get her to open up to you is a good start. And then approaching the GP?

I'm sure others will help with other places that offer help.

Go on the Around the Dinner Table forum. She's young enough that you can still do the (evidence based) Maudsley method, but you should expect that she'll resist it and temporarily hate you. Make sure that you set up very careful medical monitoring for her if you're increasing her food intake, and get as much support (whether online or in real life or both) for yourself as you can.

Eating disorders have a large biological basis and the first step is to restore the weight. That's more important than trying to understand the underlying 'reason'.

Thank you so much for the advice and support on here. It is giving me some sort of hope that there is still time to help her. It was brave for you to open up to me I wish you good health and stay well.

I dont think this method would work as she has moved into University accomodation I think she done this so I cant watch what she is and is not eating. However I will try anything and everything. I will ask a GP for assistance, but the problem is she doesnt think she has a problem and getting her to a GP will be a tough challenge. Thank you so much for this help it is appreciated.

@JOGLE How underweight is she? If she's significantly underweight (or restricting heavily even if her weight isn't considered very low by doctors) then she probably shouldn't be at university. This is a known risky point because they've left children's services for adult care and can "fall through the cracks". You're probably right that she wants to be away from you so that she can restrict her food and use other ED behaviours. But ultimately you still have a lot of control over her when she's as young as this, and you should leverage it as much as you can because the longer she is underweight for, the more entrenched it becomes.

I'm not saying this is a hopeless situation, not at all. Just that a lot of stereotypical advice is to let go and allow the patient to have the freedom to harm themselves at this age, but it's not helpful in the long run to do this.

(Also is she under specialist care? She should be receiving at least regular medical monitoring like blood tests and weighing.)

Hi No she isnt receiving any care. Her GP told me that she is 19 years and I cant live her life for her!!! She has never had any support from anyone as she wont admit she has a problem. Since she has gone to Uni it has got much worse. What rights do I have ? to help her? She has had no blood tests as she just wont go and see anyone. I have even said I will pay private for her to talk this all through with a professional. Any time I mention anything to her she storms off and it pushes her further away from me. Honestly it is killing me being her mum and I feel so helpless. Do you think her GP should be doing more?

@JOGLE Yes, her GP should be doing more, that's very concerning. This attitude is why it's such a dangerous time for young people when they move to university with an eating disorder.

She should be having her electrolytes tested regularly because if they are very abnormal it means there is more risk of a heart problem. She should be having her weight, her heart rate and her blood pressure measured regularly by the GP. These are normal, standard things the GP ought to be doing for any patient with anorexia. She also should be referred to adult specialist services.

While they can't share information with you if she won't give permission, you can try to put some pressure on them to do more, and you can put pressure on her to attend an appointment (you literally need to drive her there). If she's not being cooperative then you need to expect she will try to fake her weight with hidden weights in her clothes or drinking water to seem heavier ("water loading"). Experienced clinicians know about these issues but the GP obviously is not experienced with ED related issues.

This link:

www.aroundthedinnertable.org/h2around-the-dinner-table-online-forum-for-parents-and-carersh2-136439

Should help you find parents in similar situations who can give you up to date advice on your best steps legally. I can't advise on that as I'm not a parent (I'm a mostly recovered anorexic adult with many friends who also have EDs).

I truly hope that you have success in getting her evaluated soon. Trust your instinct.