Hi
Newbie here.
Just looking for some advice please.
How do we support/motivate our 18 year old son?
To give some background, he absolutely hated school and was not motivated academically but he got through it and scraped through his GCSEs (lockdown yesterday). He went to college to do a Level 2 qualification to work with animals and planned to go on to uni and study to become a dog behaviourist (we have always had dogs and he is excellent with them). It wasn’t the best time to do the course as it ended up being 80% online because of lockdowns rather than the 80% practical it was advertised as. In any case he did very well and got a Distinction. During the summer holidays he got a weekend job at a local builders yard and really enjoyed it. He went back to college in the autumn to do Level 3 at college but he gave up the course when he turned 18 in November. We weren’t happy but supported his decision as we understood his reasons (didn’t like the course, didn’t want to pursue that career path, wanted to get a full tine job hopefully at the builders yard or similar). He had been told that there would be a vacancy at the builders yard due to someone else retiring in February so we agreed he would wait to see if that happened before he looked for an alternative job, especially as he had his driving test coming up.
In January his girlfriend (who was due to take her A Levels this summer) was suspended from 6th Form for non attendance. Her parents do not seem remotely bothered about the fact that she has abandoned her A Levels and so she has been doing nothing since.
In February, our son passed his driving test and we bought him a first car, a vacancy came up at the builders yard and he was offered it but turned it down, he applied for another local job in retail and was offered it but turned it down because ot ‘wasn’t a good fit’ in his view. There is another vacancy at the builders yard come up but he says he isn’t interested.
He is a good lad but he seems to be finding excuses not to get a job. He knows we cannot support him financially indefinitely - he has to rely on his earnings from his weekend job and a very small weekly allowance now for spending money as we don’t want him to feel as if he is having a free ride.
We understand it’s a big scary thing to grow up and can understand his reluctance to take the final step into being an adult but at the same time he just seems completely unmotivated and directionless. It’s worrying that his girlfriend seems to be in the same state of mind, lovely as she is.
The thing I struggle with is that both his older brothers were highly motivated and both followed a path they decided on and have good jobs which they love.
Our youngest just seems lost and, with only very basic qualifications, his options seem limited. We have suggested an employment agency so he can try different jobs whilst earning but he isn’t interested.
How can we help?
Feels like he is wasting his life.
Thanks