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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Please help school kicking depressed son out.

29 replies

Pinkpepper79 · 20/03/2022 16:38

Hi I am just after some advice. My son is seriously depressed and under the GP. He has fallen behind with his school work and because of this his attendance is low so he is falling further behind. The school have given him 2 weeks to to catch up with all his work or he will be asked to leave. Any advise is really appreciated

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 20/03/2022 16:40

What has the GP done about it ?
Have school done anything to help ,at all ?

GeneLovesJezebel · 20/03/2022 16:40

What year is he in ?

RampantIvy · 20/03/2022 16:41

What has the school done to support him?

Valhalla17 · 20/03/2022 16:42

How helpful and understanding of them Hmm

Why is he depressed and what have the school done to actually help support?

viques · 20/03/2022 16:42

Is this a private school? I don’t think a state school is allowed to exclude on those grounds.

urbanbuddha · 20/03/2022 16:53

Ask for this thread to be moved to Education. That's where the experts are.

Theunamedcat · 20/03/2022 16:55

Off rolling is not legal but

Are you in the UK?

State or private school?

user1471443411 · 20/03/2022 19:04

It must be either private
sixth form
or not in the UK
Regardless I would concentrate on his health for now and look for a new school. If you say more posters may be able to give more tailored advice.

Eupraxia · 20/03/2022 19:05

I take it this is a private school?

Mossstitch · 20/03/2022 19:11

Private schools are more interested in their overall exam results than pastoral care, i have experience of this! Please take him out, let him recover then start his education again. You both don't need the added stress. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things if his education is a year or two late finishing, his health and safety are more important💐

Lightuptheroom · 20/03/2022 19:29

I'm assuming this is a private school as state schools can't ask students to leave on medical grounds.
Go to your GP tomorrow and ask them to sign him off as too ill to attend school.
If it's a private school, remove him and put in an in year admission application listing your 3 preferences to local state schools (this form will be on the county council website or ring the school admissions department)
This form will then be sent to those schools. If they are unable to admit, admissions will send you a letter telling you why and giving you a right of appeal.
If you put the information on the application about your son's health, your application would probably also be referred to the fair access protocol if none of your 3 preferences are able to admit.
This ensures that he is offered a school place and that it takes into account his needs (most councils have to have an SEN, medical and disabilties criteria on their fair access protocol which covers all students who need additional support but do not have an EHCP).
If he's anything other than Year 11, please take him out immediately. There are solutions and being somewhere that isn't prepared to find them isn't going to work for him.
I'm assuming you are in the UK, as the above won't apply if you're in a different country

bellac11 · 20/03/2022 19:49

I think OP is saying that they will ask him to leave if hes not caught up on school work, not just because he is depressed although the 2 come hand in hand, hes not going to have the motivation to do his work if he is clinically depressed

Is he having school counselling, medication from the GP, do you know what triggered the episode, whats his view about how he feels?

Russell19 · 20/03/2022 19:52

If it is state school then it really doesn't work like that.

Original poster
Pinkpepper79 · 20/03/2022 20:06

He is 17 and is in the 6th form. The head of his knows what he is going through and he has a diagnosis of depression. They have offered him counselling which is yet to start. He doesn't see the point of getting up in the morning and life has no purpose for him. The head of 6th form offered for him to drop a subject then later retracted it saying that he has to do 3 subjects or none and leave. He is so overwhelmed its unrealistic for him to catch up 😭

OP posts:
Ducksurprise · 20/03/2022 20:11

He is so overwhelmed its unrealistic for him to catch up

Would a clean slate help? Start fresh in September in a college. A levels at school are not suitable for everyone. Depression is an illness spending the rest of this school year getting help and support would not be wasted.

asparalite · 20/03/2022 20:20

Honestly my advise for him at the moment would be to get as much help as you can and not worry about school, that's just adding extra stress. College in September could be an option.
Have you been in touch with Young Minds, they offer really good support/ advise.

bellac11 · 20/03/2022 20:24

So they are likely offrolling him due to him not attending or engaging

Has the GP prescribed medication?

Original poster
Pinkpepper79 · 20/03/2022 20:27

The Gp wants him to try self help strategies first. I am so angry at the schools lack of support

OP posts:
bellac11 · 20/03/2022 20:29

@Pinkpepper79

The Gp wants him to try self help strategies first. I am so angry at the schools lack of support
The problem with depression is that you can be at a level where you can engage in self help strategies, change of diet, exercise, positive thinking type of thing

However when someone is clinically depressed they cant think in that way or motivate themselves, they are too ill to emotionally and intellectually access self help strategies or even respond to therapy/counselling without medication

obviously only you and GP know at what level your son is.

toomuchlaundry · 20/03/2022 20:31

Are A-levels the right fit? Would he be better doing an apprenticeship? Is it unrealistic he is going to catch up in the next 2 weeks or at all?

Original poster
Pinkpepper79 · 20/03/2022 20:35

@bellac11 I know what you mean I personally think that he is beyond self help. He says there is no point in life. He doesn't want to go to college or do an apprenticeship. How have I failed to notice how bad it has got. I feel like I am totally failing my beautiful boy 😭😭

OP posts:
OliviaBond · 20/03/2022 20:37

That's appalling. They can only exclude for disciplinary reasons.

First I would suggest applying for an EHC needs assessment if he wants to stay in education as his depression is clearly affecting his access to his education.

Who said they would ask him to leave? Is it in writing? A formal complaint is required and don't be scared to point out what they are suggesting is disability discrimination.

bellac11 · 20/03/2022 20:39

[quote Pinkpepper79]@bellac11 I know what you mean I personally think that he is beyond self help. He says there is no point in life. He doesn't want to go to college or do an apprenticeship. How have I failed to notice how bad it has got. I feel like I am totally failing my beautiful boy 😭😭[/quote]
If this were someone working, they would be signed off work I think by the sounds of what you're saying

Would he take medication if the GP was persuaded?

Is he trying to self medicate with anything that might be making it worse?

bellac11 · 20/03/2022 20:42

www.vwv.co.uk/news-and-events/blog/academies-law-brief/can-you-remove-sixth-form-pupils-from-your-school

Is there anything he has done behaviourally OP which could allow the school to exclude on him on those grounds?

Also I think different 6th forms come under different rules

Original poster
Pinkpepper79 · 20/03/2022 20:47

He got to a point where he was hospitalised because of a drinking incident. He told the hospital that he just lost track of what he was drinking. But then said to me in an argument that he didn't want to wake up. I don't think he is self medicating he is using a vape with CBD oil in. I have asked him the question he says not. I have pointed out that it will only make things worse. He was bullied from year 7 to year 10. He is so reactive when I try and talk to him. His dad and I split up 6 months ago. Its hard for all of us.

OP posts: