Endless worrying about DD

[sandwiches77]

DD is nearly 20, suffers with depression and is autistic, she lays in bed for days just sleeping, clearly depressed. The pain i feel seeing her suffering is unbearable, its like a knife twisting in my heart, i get upset and DH just looks at me like I have two heads.... He just doesn't get it

DD did go out yesterday, great I think.. however she text me to say she would be late home. It wasn't even that late, she came home at 9pm and she had text me to let me know. I don't why where she went and she is unlikely to tell me. Ffs, why am I worrying, she told me that she would be late and came home at the time she said she would

She is back to being in bed today, she hasn't washed her hair for months (she puts her hood up/wears a hat to cover this up)

The depression started at 15 and it has been horrible to watch, just wish I could have the pain for her

I have no advice to offer but just wanted to say I am so sorry for the agony you are experiencing and hope you can find help for yourself as well as for your daughter.

I hope someone can offer constructive suggestions.

Best wishes

She went out

So something there sparked her interest. Does she chat with either of you? Where does her money come from to go out/pay phone etc?

Is she having any treatment or therapy/counselling? Sounds so difficult OP. Of course you’re going to worry!

BigSandyBalls2015 yes she has counselling with Mind

CannaBelieve yeah I know, i should be happy that she went out but instead I was worried about her

Would she let you wash her hair for her? Like when she was a child? She'd just have to sit in the bath. Could wear her clothes if she wanted.

It might be comforting for her.

Also has she tried any antidepressants? Not always the answer but they can help.

She wouldn't let me wash her hair and she wouldn't take antidepressants

Why won’t she take antidepressants? Sounds as if she’s afraid of changing her current routine which, although isn’t making her happy, is familiar. (This is a well-known phenomenon before anything me jumps on me). Nothing will change if she doesn’t change something.

When I have asked her about taking antidepressants she says that she doesn't want to rely on them, so the cycle continues

I am struggling to cope with it all, liable to burst into tears at any given moment

@sandwiches77 I empathise. I have a DD the same age. She's had depression on (more than off) since she was 14. She flips from super focussed and excelling to lying in bed doing nothing. She was really bad last summer and I knew that if she could get out and have a routine she might feel better. I ended up playing to her autistic strengths and wrote a tick list of things to do every day. Get up. Make bed. Clean teeth. Have a shower. Have a meal. Go out for a walk. Play the piano etc etc. She just worked her way through the list each day. After a week or two she adapted it for herself. It gave her a structure and she didn't have to work up the energy to figure out what to do. She improved but recently has gone down a bit so asked for the list again.
It's so hard.

@sandwiches77

When I have asked her about taking antidepressants she says that she doesn't want to rely on them, so the cycle continues

This must be so hard for you both. My heart really goes out to you. Can you help her understand she wouldn't need to rely on them. She can take some medication to help fix a current issue. It doesn't men she'll be on them forever. If you have an infection you take antibiotics. You don't refuse them because you worry you'll have to rely on them. Lots of people take antidepressants on and off. I've taken them at various points in my life. I've not needed them for a few years now. They just helped clear up the infection so to speak when it got really serious.

Hi OP. I am 22 and also Autistic. Unfortunately many of us (particularly females) struggle with our mental health. I especially resonate with not washing hair. sometimes I wash my hair daly, at other times I can’t be bothered for months. I have to agree with others that meds really help changed my life for the better. My one biggest worry was it would change me as a person. I am still me, only myself can now function. Try and encourage DD to give the meds ago (sertraline, I am guessing?) and if she really doesn’t get on with them she can stop.
Try and encourage DD something to get up for, something that can motivate her. What is she interested in? Does she like a TV show you watch with her? Try and get her up and she will likely feel much better. I understand that sometimes it’s easer said then done but all you can do is try. As she went out yesterday, I would guess that she was meeting people. This is good, hopefully they could be friends she will meet with often. Personally, 9:00 is not late for a 20 year old especially when they have the courtesy to let you know. I understand your worries, but try and give her some freedom as she doesn’t get her much another time. 💐💐

I'm so sorry you and your DD are going through this OP. No advice, but I can empathise as my 22 year old DS is going through similar. He's waiting for an assessment for ADHD and Autism and is having psychotherapy for PTSD (which we're paying for privately).

He does get out of bed and dressed, etc, but is very low and always looks a mess. He won't go out socially at all and only sees his girlfriend and one other friend. It's awful to see your child so low.

Do know what triggered the depression and has she had any counselling/ therapy?

TheRealKaren DD told me that she went for a walk, not sure if that is true or not.

TabithaTiger she has counselling with Mind