13 Year Old - Attitude with Friends NeedHelp before I lose my mind!

[MrsDWashington]

I have a 13 year old DD (Year 8 high school).

We've had a bit of a bullying situation were my DD was ostracised from her 'friendship group' and one of the girls got quite nasty posting stuff about her on social media etc to the point were one of them sent me a message calling my daughter all these awful names.

Now obviously we have gotten school involved etc and the situation seems to have resolved but these girls are no longer friends. My daughter was feeling pretty low and seeing someone at school for this.

But....I know some of the children in her year through family and friends etc and the general consensus which is being fed back to me is that she is extremely cocky, annoying, she acts like she's really tough, she says nasty things to people, she kicks the boys and tries to play fight with them all.

Now from all this feedback I've obviously spoken to her about being kind, treat people how you want to be treated etc but she's in full denial shes like that.

Its making me wonder if this is why her original friendship group fell out with her initially

**Pressed post before I finished.

What do I do now in this situation? As obviously I do not want people to not like my daughter but quite a few people now have said the do not like her.

She is 13 turning 14 in 6 months and socialising at weekends, youth club etc is a big thing for them all and now she is left at home alone as nobody wants to hang around with her.

Its making me extremely sad and worried sick, I said when a few people are saying the same thing, you have to look at your part and if you are doing anything.

She used to have lots of people coming round and now she doesn't. We saw one girl in town and my DD commented on someone, this girl replied by saying see this is why people dont like you.

She isn't listening to my advice though even though I tell her, any advice I give her is because I love her and dont want her to have no friends.

Oh bless you OP, this age is so worrying isn’t it? What were her friendships like at primary school? Did she have issues then?
It’s hard to know what’s real and what is just “gossip”. It’s possible that what you’ve heard is true - but equally possible that’s it’s just hearsay.
Is she unhappy with her lack of social life?

@MissyB1

Oh bless you OP, this age is so worrying isn’t it? What were her friendships like at primary school? Did she have issues then? It’s hard to know what’s real and what is just “gossip”. It’s possible that what you’ve heard is true - but equally possible that’s it’s just hearsay. Is she unhappy with her lack of social life?

Yes she did have a few issues at primary school in Year 6 were she was falling out with one girl in particular.

I understand that some may be hearsay but when multiple people are saying the same thing and she is losing friends something isn't sitting right with me

I'm sorry you are going through this . I've been through and going through similar

My Dd found during lockdown that the group of friends she had just didn't want to do anything under the restrictions so we relaxed her phone use so she could chat at night . Some kids at school ( not her friends) were posting about parties , going out etc and she began to try and become part of this group . But as she was 12 we didn't allow. She fell out with all her original friends as she told them they were boring and encouraged by "new friends" insulted them .
It's been a long hard 9 months . Some of the old friends have relaxed and forgiven , even if they aren't close anymore . She struggles and doesn't fit with the new friends . The bf is often grounded ( he is part of new friend group ) and when he isn't around she struggles to identify someone at school to hang around with .

Her saving grace is the friends outside school that I've known since she was born . She has 3 of them that are not at her school and despite having their own lives have stuck by her and included her meaning she isn't isolated .

I think that fitting in at school is v challenging. My DD was always very popular and made friends easily . But she watched the mean girls as I call them and started acting like that to get in with the fun they seemed to be having . But she hasn't been accepted .

I feel sorry for you and your DD .

Keep talking to her asking what she thinks has happened, what does she want ( my Dd didn't want her old friends back which was v upsetting for me ) and make opportunities for friends outside school .

Also lots of talk about behaviour and what a good friend is

Hope this works out for you because I know how worrying it is

@mumofblu

I'm sorry you are going through this . I've been through and going through similar

My Dd found during lockdown that the group of friends she had just didn't want to do anything under the restrictions so we relaxed her phone use so she could chat at night . Some kids at school ( not her friends) were posting about parties , going out etc and she began to try and become part of this group . But as she was 12 we didn't allow. She fell out with all her original friends as she told them they were boring and encouraged by "new friends" insulted them .
It's been a long hard 9 months . Some of the old friends have relaxed and forgiven , even if they aren't close anymore . She struggles and doesn't fit with the new friends . The bf is often grounded ( he is part of new friend group ) and when he isn't around she struggles to identify someone at school to hang around with .

Her saving grace is the friends outside school that I've known since she was born . She has 3 of them that are not at her school and despite having their own lives have stuck by her and included her meaning she isn't isolated .

I think that fitting in at school is v challenging. My DD was always very popular and made friends easily . But she watched the mean girls as I call them and started acting like that to get in with the fun they seemed to be having . But she hasn't been accepted .

I feel sorry for you and your DD .

Keep talking to her asking what she thinks has happened, what does she want ( my Dd didn't want her old friends back which was v upsetting for me ) and make opportunities for friends outside school .

Also lots of talk about behaviour and what a good friend is

Hope this works out for you because I know how worrying it is

Thanks for this. It sounds very similar to our situation. I am trying to be strong and detach myself a little but I am feeling low with it all.

Shes ended up in a situation without any proper friends at all. She even asked a group of quieter girls if she could walk to school with them the other day and they declined.