Called in to school today

[feemcgee]

I'm looking for advice about what to do with my DS (13). We were called in to speak to his Head of Year today about his attitude and behaviour. There's been what the school describes as low level behaviour for the past year - talking in class, not handing in homework. They are concerned because he's started acting aggressively when challenged by teachers, and what they describe as intimidating to other pupils. He's really tall and hangs around with a group who act in the same way. My DH is all for grounding him forever and sending him to private school, but I would like some advice about may really work.
The school says that he also gets a lot of merits and is intelligent, and that this is the time when he can decide which path to follow. He starts S3 and his National 5s in June (Scotland).
My Dh thinks I make excuses for him. It's impossible for us to talk about this without arguing, but that doesn't help anyone.

I've been here too and agree with clamping down but private school sounds like a really odd response. Like a reward! That said, I have a friend who took that route as a response to poor behaviour/friend groups and it improved everything. Depressing. But I hope it helps your ds. Fwiw mine was basically angry - for no reason really. It resolved eventually but knowing why school mattered was a game changer. And I don't agree that defiance / aggression to adults is unusual at 13 - very common in my experience.