Struggling with teenager

[Dragonfly1972]

Hi, just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a recently divorced Mum of two boys 14 and 16. My 14 year and I have always had a really close bond but over the last six months he has changed. He has become moody, angry and argumentative. He is quite disrespectful and getting into trouble at school. I have tried to talk to him but all I get is the grunt of "I'm fine". Is this normal? I can't use my eldest son as a guide as he's autistic and hasn't ever really been talkative or expressive with his emotions. For the first time in my life I don't know how to help my son. I've tried to listen but he just doesn't want to talk to me. I'm lost!

Wow op, you really could be me. I miss younger ds greatly. He was adorable, funny and affectionate. I so hope he grows through this awful phase. I've found the less I say, the better. He needs me to be calm even when he's being a nightmare. Otherwise it just totally escalates and we're all upset.

Can I recommend the book ‘Get out of my life! But first can you give me a lift into town ?’
It really helps. Good luck.

blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/Get-Out-of-My-Life-But-First-Take-Me--Alex-Into-Town-by-Anthony-E-Wolf-author-Suzanne-Franks-author/9781781253311

I loved that book too! One of my sons was incredibly challenging at around that age. It was as if all his hormones kicked in at once and he didn’t know what to do with himself. His older brother was never like that so it was a bit of a shock.
I think the thing that worked for us was keeping clear boundaries but trying not to sweat the small stuff or get drawn into arguments. Much easier said than done! I worked with his teachers so that we were all consistent.
He is now 18 and an absolute joy to live with. It is wonderful to have him back to being the happy chatty person he was as a child. I think he’s aware of how crazy he was and keen to make up for it. He is off to university this year and I will really miss him.
I am also divorced and sometimes feared that that condemned my children in some way but I think growing up can be hard whatever your situation.
Good luck! You are not alone 💐

Thank you so much everyone. It's such a mindfield isn't. I'm hoping that he will come out of it a better person and at some point I will get my sweet, shy, loving and affectionate boys back as I miss him.