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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

13YO Clubs/Activities

23 replies

therightmugiscrucial · 14/03/2022 10:01

In a bit of a quandary about DD (13yo). DD has never been that keen on sport or any extra curricular activities in general. We’ve never pushed it- she went to a few things over the years when she showed an interest and kept up gymnastics (a fun session rather than competitive) for a couple of years but gradually lost interest in that as well. At the moment, she goes to one lunchtime club at school (non- sport) and is completely uninterested in trying any others. The club she does do is not one where she is socialising with her own peer group - more helping a teacher run a club for younger ones. At home, she tends to want to spend her time on screens (which we do keep tabs on and limit where necessary) but she struggles to think of anything else to do. She doesn’t have a very busy social life- has a couple of closer friends at school but doesn’t do much with them out of school (we have encouraged/offered opportunities to do so).

My instinct is that DD would really benefit from going to a club or group entirely separate from school where she could meet (hopefully) like-minded people and not only be reliant on school for friendships. I’ve suggested this but while she agrees with the idea, she doesn’t like the idea of starting something new on her own- I understand her feelings on this as this is tough, even for adults. As a separate point, I also worry that she should be doing more in the way of physical activity but this is less important to me than her just enjoying something/finding an interest for something. So my question is really, at the age of 13, would you be more firm about encouraging another club/interest outside of school or leave the decision entirely to her?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 14/03/2022 10:06

What about Guides?

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 14/03/2022 10:10

At 14 she could try Explorers... they are all new at that age! Or something like St John's Ambulance?

Wondergirl100 · 14/03/2022 10:21

Have you had a look at whether there are youth services in your area? Ie. a youth club - sadly depleted as they are there are some still around.

It's so hard with chidlren who aren't sporty isn't it - I have this myself.

When I was a teenager I did drama at a local youth theatre and absolutely loved it - so I have made my own daughter do drama - it can be started at any age - and has a great social element as well as building confidence.

Does she ride a bike? Could you do some sort of bike miles challenge/ start to go on bike rides toegther? as a non sporty girl myself riding a bike is the one thing I always loved the feeling of.

It's hard to start new things but - she is 13 not 63! Throughout life we all need to see new things as possible - maybe sit down with her and explain we all find it tough but that she has to choose something.

Maybe sit her down and just be honest - say look you have

Wondergirl100 · 14/03/2022 10:23

I work in a related field to youth / play work and might be able to find something that could work for a 13 yr old if you say vaguely where in the country you are.

I think there is such a sad gap for teenagers of things to do which are not sporty or pressured....I wish we had a youth club on every neighbourhood corner - table tennis / pool etc!

therightmugiscrucial · 14/03/2022 10:24

Guides is something I have suggested, but like with most things, she was quite indifferent. I think this is down to the anxiety of starting a new activity where she doesn't really know many people rather than a dislike of the idea of guides itself.

OP posts:
Spellfish · 14/03/2022 10:30

Would something musical work for her? A choir or if she plays an instrument a local band or orchestra? Or drama, as others have suggested. I do think it gets harder if they’re not sporty. Other option is Scouts, as they move to Explorers at 14 so she could possibly start with other new people if she got on the waiting list now.

therightmugiscrucial · 14/03/2022 10:46

St John's Ambulance is a great idea and actually there is a local group and I think this sort of thing would be more up her street- but again, she puts on a good show of indifference (masking the worry about it I'm sure). She does enjoy riding a bike and we do sometimes go on rides together so that is something which helps with the physical activity. Less so the social side. I think what i'm struggling with is the parenting decision of how much freedom to giver in the decision? We're in the southwest 😊

OP posts:
therightmugiscrucial · 14/03/2022 10:49

@spellfish she does play an instrument (not to a high level) but certainly it's another suggestion I can put to her- thank you.

OP posts:
DelilahBucket · 14/03/2022 10:52

Is there a new hobby you could take up together so she isn't doing something alone? For example, I sing with Rock Choir who are based all over the country, and DS14 comes with me. We sing modern stuff, no auditions, no music reading, you don't even need to consider yourself a singer, really casual. You could book a taster session to try it out so no commitment.

RockinHorseShit · 14/03/2022 11:12

Do you have a good youth club you/she can get to?

At this age this is what DD did,YC had a full range of activities from sports to arts & music which she dipped in & out of as she pleased. She thoroughly enjoyed it & got a lot out of going, including new friends who she still hangs out with now at 19

therightmugiscrucial · 14/03/2022 11:45

@RockinHorseShit yes we do- I will explore this with her again. I tend to think with Youth clubs, it very much depends on the Youth Club. The one your DD attended sounds brilliant and would probably suit DD well. I will try to find out more about our local one.

@DelilahBucket - I would happily go along with her to something though I wonder if she'd be keen on that idea. Is a thought though- thank you. I'll have a look!

OP posts:
RockinHorseShit · 14/03/2022 11:54

Absolutely, that's why I asked if you had a good one nearby, we were very lucky as it's on our doorstep, but kids were travelling to it from nearby towns, despite having other YC nearer

Taswama · 14/03/2022 12:04

I think if she's not actively saying NO, then your job as her mum is to encourage her to try stuff out of her comfort zone. So Guides / Scouts you could do some research, find out what nights it is in, is there a waiting list and then agree with her that she will try it for half a term or whatever. You can discuss with her beforehand what she is worried about and strategies to deal with it and afterwards any issues she had etc.

Is there a climbing wall near you? My local one has kids groups at weekends and a 14+ group twice a week on an evening.

LethargeMarg · 14/03/2022 12:11

I wouldn't do guides At 13 as she'd be one of the oldest and a lot leave by then - by year 8 there's usually just a few who still do it and they start to do separate activities it's much more of a year 6/7 club

LethargeMarg · 14/03/2022 12:13

My son is starting sea cadets next week- look at their website - it's boys and girls and it sounds like it's a good club for building confidence and resilience

Montague22 · 14/03/2022 12:16

What about horse riding?
Or maybe try stand up paddle boarding or kayaking? Or perhaps sailing?
Or rock climbing- most have youth groups and you get new skills signed off.

BlueChampagne · 14/03/2022 12:22

Does school run the Duke of Edinburgh scheme? If she were to do that with her friends, she'd have to do a physical activity and a skill for a bit, and she'd learn some map reading and first aid.

skgnome · 14/03/2022 12:32

Drama? As a young, shy, introvert teen I went to drama outside school. Best thing ever, I made new friends (different ages), gave me confidence, encouraged my independence, when I didn’t felt like being on stage the director was happy to keep me hanging around and helping with backstage, lighting, etc - best thing ever
In general if she appears indifferent, she’s 13, that’s the default setting of a teen to a parent, if it’s not a straightforward no, book her in a trial session and unless she hates it, get her to commit for a term, she can leave after, she may find things she likes

RockinHorseShit · 14/03/2022 12:54

I'd second drama if she's shy too.

We did this with our DD & I'm really seeing her reaping the rewards for that now. She's very anxious speaking up, likely ASD, but she pulled the plug on diagnosis. Recently started a bar job where they like staff to be chatty to customers, something I never thought she'd cope with, but she is coping brilliantly. The customers live her & are forever telling DH how good she is. I'm blown away & so pleased as I never thought I'd see this. She tells me she copes by switching on "other Xxx" & acting through her shift & loves & feels so empowered that it works & that she can "fake it" even if it does exhaust her

reluctantbrit · 16/03/2022 08:40

Drama club

DD loves being an Explorer and the group has teens from a range of schools. They need to be 14 though but it's definately more a type of teen club with Scouting elements. A good mix of outdoor activities and playing games and social/current affairs topics. Lots is developed by the Explorers themselves and can cover everything.

While they do get their share of members from the Scouts, they also have ex-Girl Guides being bored (sorry, it seems our area has not very interesting guide groups) and some who never went to either Guides or Scouts before.

clarrylove · 16/03/2022 08:43

Explorers is amazing! My son joined at 13.5. Roughly 50:50 boys and girls. They do so many fun things! My son is going to the World Scout Jamboree in South Korea with them next summer for 3 weeks.

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/03/2022 09:04

Scouts or Guides.

FlorencePKettle · 16/03/2022 10:45

I'd say listen to what she wants. Are you sure she's keen to do something but masking it? Or is the reality that she just doesn't want you to organise anything for her?

You can enrol her in all sorts of things but if they aren't HER specific interests then you run a risk of her packing it in a few months down the line

Not all teenagers need to join a club. Yes it's good for them etc etc but sometimes, if you've encouraged and encouraged and you're meeting with resistance, it's probably time to reconsider

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