Sad realisation....this happened to anyone else?

[FailingMum81]

So I am feeling a bit down at the moment anyway and fo suffer from depressive episodes, low mood, anxiety etc and have for many years so those feelings are nothing new....however, what I seem to be feeling this time is very much something new. I have been with DDs dad for 22 years, since we were 17. We aren't couple goals, but then we have no significant issues either, just generally poddling through life. DD has now turned 13 and is therefore exploring her independence, friendships, taking to boys and so on and as this is happening I am feeling less and less settled with life. I have always had something going on, be it mum duties, wife duties, part time study (I also work full time). I am now feeling that I don't actually have anything that I am needed or wanted for. DD has stayed at a friend's for the weekend and I feel like I have come to some sort of realisation that if she isn't here I am really not sure what me and DH have 'together' any more and I have started dreading what life will be like when she thinks of uni, moving out etc. He knows I am generally unhappy but just keeps telling me it's another one of my 'episodes' and I will be fine again when the weather picks up, but this feels different. Has anyone with a teen gone through similar, it almost feels like a grieving thing :( (sorry for v long post & thank you if you made it this far!)

Peri menopause?
A natural time to reassess one's life

It’s not unusual at all. I dread my last one leaving as he is all that is keeping us together.
I suggest you have your ducks in a row, but then I think we should all have our ducks in a row permanently !!
Then you need to need to get yourself some hobbies, and think about what you can do as a couple.
You are moving into the next stage of your life, it’s time to prepare for it.

Get some hobbies and see.gow you feel after? Walking groups? Dance classes? Pottery classes? Bingo? Theatre? Maybe once you settle and begin to enjoy your freedom you will feel more optimistic?

My DD is 13 and cannot say I have felt like this. Also there is a looooot of parenting and challenges to come before uni stage I think so they will need us for a little while yet!

Sorry you are feeling low though. Are you projecting worries about your marriage onto parenting??

Hòoe you figure something out

I think it is partly to do with any period of adjustment.
My youngest yesterday reflected with me that my oldest (her big sister) is now 18 and not a child and she felt a little bit sad about this.

What helped me was turning the focus onto what I do have - healthy children with a world of opportunities.
Friends had a recent bereavement and don’t have this to look forward to and it has really reframed my outlook.

Obviously if you are clinically depressed it may not be easy to think this way - so if not done so consider seeking treatment.

Ultimately as my friend says you come into this life and you leave this life on your own. So we have some self responsibility to make it as worthwhile as we would like to/wish to regardless of the other people in our lives. (Children grow up, partners for various reasons move on, even die)

I wonder if it's also the realisation that in 4 years she'll be the age you were when you got with your DH so perhaps you're seeing from an outsider's POV ( If you follow my logic ) what that would look like.

So either consciously or subconsciously you are realising how young you were. Not that that's a bad thing but it will make you reflect ( I think ).

And as PP said, there's a whole lot of parenting still to come.

It’s a bit young to be thinking of empty nest feelings Try working on your relationship.