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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

If your teen hated school did they still get GCSEs?

22 replies

Remmy123 · 09/03/2022 07:04

My 13 year old has hated school since he started in year 7. He has lots of friends etc so no issues but he just doesn't enjoy it and moans about it every day!! As a mother it is very draining and brings me down.

He also has a sick day a couple of times a month when I don't think he is that sick.

I'm so worried he will waste his school years and come out with nothing!

Is there anything I can do to help?

He is average ( Couid be in top sets of tried harder but can't be bothered) or do I have to let him get on with it?

Thanks

OP posts:

Benjispruce5 · 09/03/2022 07:06

Have you spoken to his teachers yet? Perhaps arrange a meeting see if things really are ok? How is he with other parts of his life? Does he make effort with hobbies or family ?

labyrinthlaziness · 09/03/2022 07:12

I hated school and I got my GCSEs. But many people I was at school with were the same and did not.

IMO it is best not to over-involve yourself or micromanage unless the school needs you to. But there is a lot you can do to encourage him without taking over. Do you talk openly about how many more options he will have if he manages to get decent grades?

You need to speak to school and ask what they think. There is a long way between 'the very best he can do' and 'nothing'.

The absence is a concern and should be being tackled by both you and the school. Is no one investigating this or discussing it with you?

Benjispruce5 · 09/03/2022 07:19

Personally, year 7 is more about setting in secondary so if he is getting by ok with average grades but has friends I’d be less concerned. It’s such a hard transition. Some schools are huge and it can be disconcerting going from the oldest in school to the youngest. In year 9 when they have to start studying their GcSE content, is when he’ll need to put more effort in.

Benjispruce5 · 09/03/2022 07:21

Sorry just realised he’s year 9(13?), yes I’d just check with school. Try to ask him what he likes about school and see what stresses him. Might just be a phase or maybe it’s the group he hangs about with that don’t try hard and he’s trying to fit in.

Flidina · 09/03/2022 07:29

I've got 6 kids, and found they usually settle in by year 9, years 7 & 8 were always particularly difficult, friendship groups changing, school avoidance tactics, all seemed to settle by year 9, and did/doing well in their GCSE's

Wbeezer · 09/03/2022 07:30

Mine got two, English and PE.
He returned to education when he was older, after being diagnosed and medicated for ADHD. He is starting a computer science degree in September so that's good but he still moans about the FE college he attends! As he's an adult I'm allowed to detach from the moaning which is a relief.
I think i should have trusted my instinct more that something was up to cause the underachievement but i was fobbed off repeatedly as he was tested for everything except ADHD (quiet and not naughty).

WhatNoRaisins · 09/03/2022 07:32

I hated school but what made me knuckle down for my GCSEs was knowing that you need to pass them to have a shit at a decent life afterwards. Year 7 is a funny year for some so I wouldn't pressure too much but as he gets older I'd encourage him to think about the future.

GiantSpider · 09/03/2022 07:40

My friend's son hated school. He did ok in his GCSEs, but not as well as he could have done. But then he left school and got an apprenticeship in a practical skill. He loves it and is working really hard now. So it wasn't that he is lazy - he just didn't like the structure of school and found it pointless.

Start talking to your DS about what he wants out of life. Year 9 is definitely not too young to start thinking about his future. If there's a particular job he's interested in, help him look into what qualifications he'll need. This may help him to see the reasons for doing well at school.

Roselilly36 · 09/03/2022 07:40

DS2 absolutely hated school, he attended ok, but due to his dyslexia he found school really, really difficult. He kept telling me, I won’t pass any GCSE’s mum. In actual fact he did pass one, Eng Lit, which seems amazing for a dyslexic person. He left school, did an apprenticeship in an area of tech that interests him, he’s an absolute genius at it. He has developed such an brilliant work ethic. His ability to problem solve and come up with ideas is valuable, and essential in his field.

I would say to any parent that is worried about GCSE particularly with a dyslexic child, you can’t make them what they are not, I spent a fortune on private tutoring, that with the benefit of hindsight was complete waste of time made no difference whatsoever to the outcome of his GCSE results. He has found his niche and is doing so well, in his chosen field no one is interested in GCSE results, just what skills you have.

Original poster

Remmy123 · 09/03/2022 07:59

Thanks for your insight all.

He is in year 8.

I think he finds it boring, he has just moaned at me again and I tell him the whole point of school is to allow you options later in life and to get a good job of your choice!!

It's so draining. Maybe I shouid just ignore the moaning.

He is at a very good state school, he is popular and has no friendship issues - however he has given up football, likes to spend most of his free time gaming which could be part of the issue here but most of his mates are doing the exact same thing!

I'm hoping when he takes his options he will knuckle down a bit more.

😬😬

OP posts:

Original poster

Remmy123 · 09/03/2022 08:00

@Roselilly36 glad your son is doing well!! That's good to hear

OP posts:

Benjispruce5 · 09/03/2022 08:03

I’d try to encourage th e football again. So good for his physical and mental health and a break from the gamer culture.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 09/03/2022 08:04

Yep hated it and her attendance was appalling in years 10 and 11 but still managed to get 9 GCSEs at fairly good grades. She was much happier when she left.

Woollystockings · 09/03/2022 08:04

I would knock out the sick days. Two sick days a month is a lot and it’ll mean he gradually falls behind.

Legoisthebest · 09/03/2022 08:08

Maybe look into a different environment for 14+ (year 10). Some colleges will take from 14+ and there are UTCs and Studio Schools. These are more specialised and often a more 'grown up' environment. He might prefer that.

Shakirasma · 09/03/2022 08:17

DD hated secondary school, she had issues with bullying and a general dislike/mistrust of teachers.

We worked hard with her to instill a good sense of ambition and self esteem and she passed all GCSEs at grades 5 and 6.

She went to a different college than most of her school mates and really came in to her own, achieving triple distinction* . She is now in her first year away at uni and is killing it.

Original poster

Remmy123 · 09/03/2022 09:16

Thanks all this is really helpful to read.

He has assessments coming up that need revision and I'm already dreading having to make him revise which will all be very slap dash!!!

Yes we are encouraging to get back to football, he has joined the gym but only makes it there once a week.

It's frustrating as he is naturally good at maths / science but just isn't trying his hardest. Seems pointless getting a tutor.

I'd say he has got really lazy ...

OP posts:

Comefromaway · 09/03/2022 10:19

Ds got the minimum needed to get onto the college course in the one subject he loved.

waterrat · 09/03/2022 22:28

Do you think the sedentary lifestyle might be bad for his wellbeing. I read the other day thst teenagers now are as sedentary as 60 year olds. If you think of primary age boys they need so much active time...teens are the same but I worry wr don't as a society allow enough time and space for teenagers to be physically active. Just thinking thst as you mentioned he does a lot of gaming.

I hated school I did fairly poorly at gcse but scraped 5 passes which meant I could do a levels. I massively improved at sixth form as I loved dropping the boring subjects.

Isn't it fair enough to say thst some teens are bound to find school really boring ? It probably is.

Hellocatshome · 09/03/2022 22:34

Year 8 is boring, you are not a new year 7, you are not in your exam years when you get alot of attention from the teachers.

My son is year 10 and doesn't like school but we have drummed it in to him if he doesnt get his Maths and English he will be constantly redoing it until he does as college courses make you continue with them until you get them so he might as well get them now and be done with it.

lljkk · 10/03/2022 08:42

yes did get them but was a hard slog. I kept saying "If these are only qualifications you ever get then make them good ones" which worked on DS.

He went another path that didn't require further qualifications & is now (age 22) on a good salary.

crazycrofter · 17/03/2022 21:40

Ds has always hated the institution of school, the rules that don’t make sense to him, the uniform, the pointless form period, having to concentrate etc. In year 9 he finally got a diagnosis of ADHD.

He’s now year 11 and still isn’t keen but things did begin to improve in year 10 (before that lots of behaviour points, missed homework, low marks etc). The thought that years 10 and 11 mattered because of the GCSEs at the end helped motivate him a bit. He promised he’d try to focus and work in lessons in year 10 and he did - so behaviour points reduced (only for behaviour in the playground and missed homework in year 10). This year (11) he said he’d start revising for tests and he has done! Still not keen on pointless homework though

He won’t do as well as he could - but then he’s not sold on the idea of giving up all his spare time to get 9s - but I think he’ll get what he needs to do sixth form.

I think years 8 and 9 are generally hard going as there’s no end goal to aim for and it all seems a bit pointless.

My ds still moans a lot about school rules etc though and isn’t great at revision!

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