Lying - I'm really concerned

[PollyPolo]

Hello,

I have a 14 year old, who I am a special guardian of for the past 7 years.

They experienced neglect in their younger years and have always made up stories.

Years back it started off as maybe a story about a holiday he went on or a lovely made up story about time with their father. So I could understand it.

But at times it has been destructive. Doing things on purpose to blame his brother, like breaking a cup or smashing up toys.

Thay stopped. But the lies have continued, now to the point where friendships are being ruined.

For example on a day out with friends he will say they decided where he would sit on the bus, they excluded him. Or they purposely don't talk to him.

He even then tells his friends that's the reason he is upset but it never happened, leaving them confused and branding him a liar.

I'm not sure if he knows they are not true or not.

I'm at a loss of what to do. I did ask for therapy but it was felt he did not meet the criteria.

Is there is a specific type of therapy that would help?

This really isn't at all unusual for children who have suffered neglect or any type of trauma. Its called Attachment Disorder.

My eldest is now 21, adopted at aged 2.5 and removed from her birth parents at 18 months after suffering awful neglect. She is better than she was but still lies terribly. She has said the most horrific things about us - violence, sexual abuse, the lot.

Professionals are now understanding attachment disorder more (it is often treated by professionals who also deal with PTSD). Google it and you will find lots of information. There is a good group on FB called Attachment Disorder UK.

Speak to a social worker and see if they can refer you to someone that specialises in AD. Be wary of CAMHS - in my experience they have no idea about AD kids.

Therapeutic parenting is definitely the way with children who have experienced trauma. Sarah Naish is brilliant - she has books, does seminars and videos on youtube.

Good luck - its exhausting parenting a child with trauma.

Thank you so much, that is helpful.

Yes, I understand what you are saying about CAMHS, we have been down that road and continue to get stuck down it as the referral process seems to always involve them. So I was trying to look outside of the box we normally get thrown in.

So that is really helpful and makes a huge amount of sense. I do use a therapeutic approach in my parenting but feel he needs more. He will happily engage with the process which is a positive.

We were eventually seen by Horizons through Derbyshire County Council and their therapeutic social work team. They helped enormously. I don't know if they are a county or a country wide thing.

She is getting better now she is older and it does help that her boyfriend pulls her up on her lying. She has (off her own back) spoken to the GP about it and is waiting to see a psychiatrist but who knows how long that will take.

Good luck.