Was I too rigid?

[scattercushion]

Dd aged 15 likes to take a very long time showering etc so we have set a rule of no showers after 10pm because she wouldn’t go to sleep until far too late on a school night. At 10.20 she wanted a shower, I said no, have one in the morning. She argued. I said I would wake her at 6.45 so she had time. She was very angry but agreed. It’s now nearly midnight and she is still awake. (To prove a point?) she will be very tired tomorrow and difficult to wake. She has mock exams at the moment. Should I have let her shower at 10.20?

@scattercushion

Oh okay maybe not a consensus but some people agreed. I take the others’ points though. Pick your battles etc. Never mind DD I’m knackered today.

Its all part of learning though. Independence is important and learning time management you cannot be treating your DD like she is 11. What will you do when she leaves school?

If your DD is tired that is her tough luck the next morning. I think she would have been fine though as a one off.

I think refusing a shower is an overreach on your part OP.

I wouldn't have intervened on this at all, in fact I often go to bed before my 15 year old as she is an owl and I am not.

We have a quiet after 9pm rule (my bedtime!) Mine are adults now and can do as they please, as long as they don't wake me up doing it. I think you were perfectly reasonable.

Blimey I’d be overjoyed if my 15 dd showered at 10.20! I won’t say what time she actually showers (ongoing battle).

OP I’d say you’ve been too strict. At 15 they are approaching adulthood and need to start taking some responsibility for their timekeeping.

we have set a rule of no showers after 10pm because she wouldn’t go to sleep until far too late

At 15 I would let them work out the consequences of a late shower by themselves.

At 15 mine were in bed by 9pm. Maybe not asleep but in their rooms, teeth cleaned etc.

Was that enforced or through choice Benji?

I let my 15 year old choose her own bedtime, I am often in bed by 9 myself as I get up at 5:30, but that is too early for her.

Drying her hair, setting a time limit on showers (for no reason?) and waking her up are all unnecessary mothering actions IMO

As long as she does not disturb you, let her shower when she likes

She's old enough to get herself up in the mornings

She's in no need to have her hair dried by anyone

Time to let go a bit OP, stop treating her as younger than she is

@MsFernBotanical sort of expected really on school nights. Once they were in 6th form things were more relaxed but were often in bed by 10 and showering after that would disturb us. If you have a large house then maybe not. Everyone needs to use the bathroom before bed to clean teeth etc so to block it isn’t really fair.

I go to bed before my 14 and 16 Yr old. They usually both go to bed about 11 ish and get themselves up at 6.45 every school morning. Sometimes they shower when I'm asleep but usually they shower in the morning and then after school.

I think the responses depend on the size of people's houses and the needs of the adults.

I ask my university age DC not to shower after 10 when they are at home in the holidays, as I have to get up at 6 and our house is tiny. My room is next to the bathroom, so it's just like someone having a shower next to my head. I do not need this at 2AM. So my response would be it's completely reasonable to tell even an adult child that they shouldn't do things that keep you awake or wake you up, if you are the one who needs to be reasonably well rested in order to get up to earn enough to pay for their showers (and everything else). But if I had a huge house and it wasn't disturbing anyone else, I wouldn't care.

@scattercushion

Hooray glad the general consensus was with me. She managed to get up at 6.45, had shower, I dried her hair as a bonding/reconnecting thing. She made herself an omelette for breakfast (unheard of normally) and went to school tired but upbeat.

Love this. A general consensus is now the minority and four people.😃

Agree with @ComeUnderMySexBlanket