16 yo DS going to first party tonight - what do I need to know/ think about?

[TwigTheWonderKid]

First party since he's been at his mixed 6th form. Before that he was at an all- boys school and with Covid etc he's not had a teenage social life so far.

I am delighted he's been invited and wants to go (he suffers a bit from anxiety) but I'm just wondering what, if anything, I should talk to him about before he goes or if I'm being a worry-wart?

My first thought was alcohol and what time he wants picking up.

I'd tell him about alcohol limits and to stop when he thinks he's had enough. That always stuck with me. And I got drunk of course but only enjoyably, not to the point I passed out or wasn't aware.

If you haven;t talked to him about any of this stuff before tonight then it is a bit late!

I would give a general lecture supportive pre-party message about not being pressured to do things he doesn't want, not posting pictures or videos of dubious content, respecting other people's boundaries and not getting wasted even if other people are.

Arrange a time to pick him up and tell him he can text anytime if he wants to bail out.

The most impotrant thing is for him to not turn into a dickhead even if other people do. I would want my kid to walk away from horrible behaviour, as I did myself when 15/16/17 etc.

I remember reading on here that you could have a 'code phrase' that your child can text you, that would look normal if anyone was looking at the phone, but that you and child would know meant that you should ring/ text after a bit and say that something had come up and they needed to come home...
That way they had a way to leave without looking like they were the ones that wanted to if that makes sense?!
I thought it was a good idea so if anything was happening that they weren't happy with they had a way out.

Fill him with carbs and water before he goes. Recommend he alternates each alcohol drink with water. Pick him up (I find that stops them getting too hammered if they have to face their mum) and give him a nurofen and water before bed.

Alcohol and weed. Pre arrange a time to pick him up, he calls you if he wants to leave earlier.

General safety tip, e.g. Watching your drink, not leaving the drink unattended ect all the best op

If you're picking him up afterwards in your car take a bucket and a towel or kitchen paper.

My 15 year old has been to a few gatherings recently with alcohol (apparently they are not parties...) she (so far) I think is reasonably sensible. I've said I'll pick up between 11.30 and midnight. She is way too lazy to try and make her own way home anyway. I said to intersperse alcoholic drinks with soft drinks (and food)

@labyrinthlaziness

If you haven;t talked to him about any of this stuff before tonight then it is a bit late!

I would give a general lecture supportive pre-party message about not being pressured to do things he doesn't want, not posting pictures or videos of dubious content, respecting other people's boundaries and not getting wasted even if other people are.

Arrange a time to pick him up and tell him he can text anytime if he wants to bail out.

The most impotrant thing is for him to not turn into a dickhead even if other people do. I would want my kid to walk away from horrible behaviour, as I did myself when 15/16/17 etc.

We do talk about things but there's been little point in discussing the specifics of what might be an issue at a party when he'd not been invited to one before.

Had already arranged to pick him up and talked about all the obvious things including being brave enough to.walk away from dodgy situations and that if he does get in a difficult situation I won't cross as long as he tells me.

Is drink spiking a danger for boys?

I just feel a bit old and out of touch!

Have you had discussions about alcohol at all? About the effect on inhibition, that people react differently, some get nicely merry, some get aggressive.

Has he drunk alcohol at home?
If it's BYO I would get him a couple of fruit ciders or beers, whatever he likes and suggest he drinks no more than that.
There will be drugs. Drug education needs more than a " don't do it". They need to know how to be safe if they choose to take drugs.

I'm 22 so wasn't too long ago I went to parties. He'll be fine. He'll drink - drugs is very much dependant on the crowd and despite the belief of the older generation they're not as common at parties as you'd think. If you're buying him alcohol try and just get something like Budweiser if you're worried he'll get too drunk, and if you don't want to buy it for him , he'll probably find someone with an older brother to buy him something stronger.

I swear I’m too relaxed, I just said to my daughter don’t get pissed and what time am I picking you up. She is super sensible though much more than I ever was and just raises a sensible eyebrow at me!

Have you been having conversations with him about consent? It’s one thing to walk away from dodgy situations but would he be prepared to intervene if he felt uncomfortable with how one of his female friends was being treated?

Just make sure he knows that you will come and get him, no matter what state he's in whatever has happened and no matter what time it is.

Lots of good points above. If he suffers from anxiety maybe warn him that some of his friends might get a bit overly dramatic, emotional or teary when they are drinking, it is normal, and not to take it too seriously. This is the main part of parties with alcohol that ds hates, someone latching on and crying about a GF/BF they went out with for 10 mins a year ago and feeling he needs to listen to them because they are upset and his night is ruined.