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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I literally cannot stand DD's boyfriend

32 replies

pigalow · 22/02/2022 19:26

I literally cannot stand my DD's boyfriend; he is the sort of person who really gets in my nerves. I think in teen slang he would be called a 'simp.' He has no charisma or character and exists simply to be at my DD's beck and call. At first I wasn't too bothered as I thought that teenage relationships were often short lived and O could bide my time and he'd be gone!
It's now 18 months and no sign of any dumping on either side. DD knows I'm not overly keen on him but have kept my thoughts mostly to myself and have been vague and non committal. I have suggested that very serious and long term relationships started in teens can stop people embracing experiences and opportunities but I dare not say too much in case I push them closer together.
What are the chances of this lasting the course and me having to endure this boy for the long term?

OP posts:
MrsOatcake · 22/02/2022 21:21

If they are still at school then quite low I should think.

raspberryjamchicken · 22/02/2022 21:24

He may not be what you envisage for her but does she seem happy with him? Does he treat her well? Lack of charisma is not the worst thing in a boyfriend.

At her age it's highly likely to run its course anyway without you intervening.

Totalwasteofpaper · 22/02/2022 21:25

Keep nice and quiet

Say nothing and bide your time.

I dated some absolute bellends and my mother was queen diplomat 👸
It worked out alright as i bagged a good egg in the end

GeneLovesJezebel · 22/02/2022 21:25

I had this. My DD knew I didn’t like him, thought he was clingy, but we tolerated him.
It lasted 2 years, she dumped him because she could see what I was getting at, and got fed up with him.
Don’t alienate her, keep the lines of communication open.

SailingNotSurfing · 22/02/2022 21:26

I've never heard the word simp. Does it stand for simpleton? Bloody awful if so.

TeddyBeans · 22/02/2022 21:30

@SailingNotSurfing simp as in simpering I think

SilverHairedCat · 22/02/2022 21:31

@SailingNotSurfing no, more like someone who simpers. Unpleasantly wet blanket to me.

OshaOsha · 22/02/2022 21:33

I'd count your blessings that she has chosen someone who is willing to be at her beck and call/is a bit of a wet flannel/a simp. If he treats her well, that's what matters. She could have picked a complete dickhead.

SailingNotSurfing · 22/02/2022 21:36

Simpering is okay and a good description of a man lacking in a backbone. Thank God! I really thought it meant simpleton.

Poor lad, this is a learning curve for him. I hope your daughter isn't too unkind.

Seeline · 22/02/2022 21:36

How old are they?

Are they at the same school? Is that likely to change - 6th form/uni coming up?

UserWithNoUserName · 22/02/2022 21:38

Teenage romances do sometimes last. Three of my friends married the people they met at younger than 18 (around a decade later, not at 18!)

If he's just a bit wet and boring, count your lucky stars she's not involved with anyone worse.

TellySavalashairbrush · 22/02/2022 21:43

It’s highly unlikely to last at their age and my advice would be to keep your opinion of him to yourself (sharing your thoughts of their partner often pushes them closer in my own experience) but honestly be grateful he is simpering rather than a controlling unkind arsehole. My dd last boyfriend was so horrible to her that I actually cried with happiness (alone of course) when she finally dumped him after several years.

Fifteentoes · 22/02/2022 21:45

It's not really your business, unless he's abusive which it sounds like he certainly isn't. She'll stay with him as long as feels right to her. You just need to get over it.

Rollergirl11 · 22/02/2022 21:46

A “simp” isn’t a particularly nice term. It’s basically a male who is too attentive or submissive to women. But it often gets thrown about when a guy is just being normal and not misogynistic.

TokyoTen · 22/02/2022 22:23

Could be 10x worst, I'd just go with it and be grateful tbh.

Original poster
pigalow · 22/02/2022 22:34

I know it could be worse. He just is really annoying, not bad. I know it's not up to me but I can't see how he wouldn't annoy anyone with a bit of oomph. They are 17 and 18 and have been dating for almost 18 months. They don't go to the same school so they mostly see each other just once a week (one evening at the weekend) and he sometimes is 'instructed' to pick my DD up or do some errand for her that she can't do as she doesn't drive yet but that tends to be just for an hour or so. They did speak most nights though that dwindled a bit recently.

OP posts:
raspberryjamchicken · 22/02/2022 22:54

Hmm, sounds a bit like he's useful to her. Maybe they'll break up if she learns to drive.

Snowdon564 · 22/02/2022 22:58

The beck and call ones are the reliable ones, better than most other types, so it could be worse.

They could end up being together for a decade or just 2 more months, who knows.

TheLoupGarou · 22/02/2022 23:13

Well it sounds like she could be with some one a hell of a lot worse. My teen dating years consisted of charismatic shitbags with angsty emotional rollercoasters aplenty, so perhaps be glad she's with someone that's treating her well?

Simp is a pretty horrible term. The poor lad, give him a break.

Blanketpolicy · 22/02/2022 23:50

Simp is a horrible word. You won't know what he is like when they are alone or with friends, maybe he just finds you intimidating as he is picking up you dont like him. They are barely adults try to be a bit kinder, and tell your dd to be kinder too if she is taking advantage of his kind nature.

balalake · 24/02/2022 13:08

I doubt if it will last, but just read about unsuitable boyfriends on other threads and be pleased you have not got those issues to face.

CharlotteTuesday · 25/02/2022 00:47

It sounds like it's your daughter who's rather unpleasant here in the way she's treating him. Have you spoken to her about being domineering? As he's a simp..

Imonlyhereforthehandwringing · 25/02/2022 00:59

Perhaps mention to your daughter that it's not nice to use relationships simply as a way of getting something.

Porcupineintherough · 27/02/2022 12:44

@Imonlyhereforthehandwringing

Perhaps mention to your daughter that it's not nice to use relationships simply as a way of getting something.
This.
DearlyBeloathed · 27/02/2022 13:08

@raspberryjamchicken

Hmm, sounds a bit like he's useful to her. Maybe they'll break up if she learns to drive.
This.

Can't really see why you can't 'stand' him. Sounds like your DD is using him a bit.

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