Dd can be outrageously stubborn at the moment. She's almost 13 and if she doesn't want to do something she simply won't do it. When she gets irritated about something e.g. the feeling of her uniform tights or having to brush tangled her she gets SO frustrated and starts ranting loudly and demandingly, which gets everyone a bit stressed. We are very supportive of her but also try and have boundaries as I frankly don't like it when she has a go at us for no reason other than that she feels irritated.
For example she had a really horrible stain on her blazer, I suggested she changes into her second blazer but she refused. She dug her heels in so she's in school with a big gravy stain in her blazer 
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She can be lovely a lot of the time but too but her stubbornness is something else. It's absolute and trying to insist she does something (like change her gravy stained blazer) results in her becoming angry and simply refusing.
So, what to do? I have noticed that being a bit firm can work but Dh mostly responds in a disengaged way, which I feel panders to her rudeness.
Do I pull up on rudeness or do I ignore? How do I deal with her massive stubbornness? She can go with the flow a lot and be quite easy most of the time, it's just when she does dig her heels in, that's it, there is little we can do. Please help!