I am at a bit of a loss with my teenager and not sure how much is normal for his age.
He has started smoking weed recently (I think he does it most weekends, he is no longer allowed out Mon - Thursday as he has college during the day but was staying out late during the week, coming home stoned and not doing his homework). I don’t approve of this, but he is nearly 17 and I don’t think it would be appropriate to ground him full time.
He is doing a-levels at our nearest college, which is an hour away on the bus. He got B’s in his GCSE’s, he is very capable but has always been distracted by socialising and sport, and does the minimum to pass academically.
College feedback is that he has a great personality and gets on well with staff and students, but doesn’t do homework and has poor attendance for tuition sessions. He plays for a college sports team which he does attend.
He says college is “crap” and says he thinks he might leave to do an apprenticeship (as some of his friends are) but he says he is not sure about this.
So he is attending but not engaged, is not on track for good grades and doesn’t seem to have a clue what he wants to do in future. Everything I suggest is dismissed apart from “maybe” to some sort of trade apprenticeship.
He has a very active social life and parties all weekend. He had a summer job but spent all his money on ridiculously expensive clothing, and now has no money left, but refuses to apply for anything now that is less than £10 an hour. He is very serious about fashion and his hair.
He has applied for quite a few jobs but not had a response. When I suggest realistic options, such as our local Burger King for evenings and weekends, he curls his lip at me and just looks horrified.
He mainly mumbles when I talk to him these days, and spends a lot of time starting at his phone and taking snap chat pictures of his face. He used to be lively and animated but became like this at 15 and I am waiting for him to grow out of it and to be able to hold normal conversations again!
He actually seems really dull and not very bright these days, and completely lacking common sense, and is ALWAYS looking at his phone. He won’t come on family days out.
We pay his gym membership, phone membership and bus pass and he gets £80 a month allowance.
His dad (my ex) thinks he should have this money taken away completely and that he shouldn’t be allowed to lie in bed past 10am on weekends.
DS is pretty good on a daily basis I think - he does chores around the house, walks dog, and babysits for younger DC on the odd occasion I ask him to. He has a nice group of friends and they play sport for a local team, they’ve all been friends since they were young and have now really widened their social group through college.
Should he have his monthly money taken away completely? Shall I just leave him to it and then it he fails this year he deals with it himself ? The same with work, he needs to find himself a job in order to go to festivals etc this summer, as well as updating his wardrobe, so my instinct is just to leave him to his own consequences. Am I too soft though?