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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Is there any way I can find out if a phone is with the owner?

13 replies

wellstopdoingitthen · 19/02/2022 00:16

Bit of a strange one. I hope someone has an idea.
DS is at uni & gf of 2 years has suddenly gone silent on him. They usually txt/talk several times a day. She is very gushing loving. A couple of weeks ago she stopped replying so him. She has some issues with family & had been anxious about what was happening at home (she is at a different uni). He was so worried he contacted her uni & asked for a welfare check. She then texted him to say she had been in bed unwell, but was now feeling better. He started to arrange to visit her last weekend (long train journey)). She put him off saying her flat was too messy. Since then she hasn't answered his messages/calls. Then a couple of nights ago a boy contacted ds (on her phone) saying he was her bf of 6 months. Ds called her phone & this person answered. He said he would ask her to call ds later. She hasn't.
Ds is obviously upset but really baffled as this has come out of the blue. He hasn't had any communication from her but can see that her phone is being used. A friend called her, phone answered but hung up immediately.
I'm concerned obviously for my ds but also for his gf. Is it possible this person has her phone? Why hasn't she contacted him another way. Any ideas? It's really messing with his head & studies. Sorry if this is a bit rambling.

OP posts:
Favyproxy22 · 19/02/2022 00:19

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CharacterForming · 19/02/2022 00:23

I'd suggest an upfront message ideally from a mutual friend saying something like "OP's DS is upset to hear that you've moved on, but he accepts that if that's what you want then that's the way it is. No hard feelings, honestly. But because we haven't heard from you in person we're a bit paranoid in case something else might be going on. Can you ring me please just to confirm that you're OK."

I haven't worded that right but if he's legitimately worried that she might not be OK then he wants to find a way to check without worrying her that he's going to turn into a stalker.

CharacterForming · 19/02/2022 00:26

Teenage girls (and indeed all humans) sometimes struggle with giving bad news and avoid it at all costs. Alternatively girls know that sometimes rejected boyfriends do get very nasty.

Louisianagumbo · 19/02/2022 00:31

Honestly, it sounds like he's been dumped. But if he's concerned, then catch the train and go knock on her flat door. He might be humiliated but at least he'll know what the truth is.

wavecatcher · 19/02/2022 00:41

Is she on social media? Message there or contact a friend of hers he's met to ask if she is ok?
It does sound like she has ditched him and doesn't want to directly face up to him over it though.

wellstopdoingitthen · 19/02/2022 00:45

Yes I think he has accepted that he's been dumped but as it's so sudden he has a nagging worry that something odd is going on. He was going to go this weekend to find out but the weather has put pay to that. He was also worried about appearing clingy or stalking. But I do think he needs an answer.

Mutual friends are also stunned. One has sent a question in a message to try & find out as they will know by the answer if it's her or someone else.

OP posts:
wellstopdoingitthen · 19/02/2022 00:48

@wavecatcher
He has messaged via sm, txt, & gaming sites (that she/her phone has been playing). Nothing

OP posts:
FunnyGoingsOn · 19/02/2022 00:51

He definitely shouldn't visit her!! Don't they have any mutual friends at all.

wellstopdoingitthen · 19/02/2022 00:52

@CharacterForming

I'd suggest an upfront message ideally from a mutual friend saying something like "OP's DS is upset to hear that you've moved on, but he accepts that if that's what you want then that's the way it is. No hard feelings, honestly. But because we haven't heard from you in person we're a bit paranoid in case something else might be going on. Can you ring me please just to confirm that you're OK."

I haven't worded that right but if he's legitimately worried that she might not be OK then he wants to find a way to check without worrying her that he's going to turn into a stalker.

I will suggest this to him. Thank you.
OP posts:
wellstopdoingitthen · 19/02/2022 00:53

@FunnyGoingsOn
Yes as I've said mutual friends have tried to contact her by message & phone without success.

OP posts:
LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 19/02/2022 00:59

It does sound weird 😕

I hope, for her sake, that she really has just willingly, if clumsily, dumped him (but if so, of course commiserations to your ds).

But I can see why he’s concerned.

Rollergirl11 · 20/02/2022 09:43

Can’t he contact her parents? If he explains that it might just be that she no longer wants to go out with him and he’s accepting of that but he’s actually concerned for her welfare. If the parents aren’t in touch with her either then I would say his concerns are legitimate.

wellstopdoingitthen · 20/02/2022 16:17

@Rollergirl11

Can’t he contact her parents? If he explains that it might just be that she no longer wants to go out with him and he’s accepting of that but he’s actually concerned for her welfare. If the parents aren’t in touch with her either then I would say his concerns are legitimate.
This is what I have told him to do. He is going to call her mum (although she doesn't have a great relationship with her) and say that he hasn't had any contact from her for a few days & ask her to call her to check she's ok.

I did offer to do it myself but he gets on with her mum really well & I hardly know her. I just want him to be able to move on & concentrate on his studies, he's just in limbo at the moment.

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