Phone stuff

[dogschewbones]

DD is about to turn 13. She's evidently finding life quite hard at the moment - not enjoying things; doesn't seem to have close friends; does at lot that pushes the people who like her/love her away.

She's had a smartphone for about a year now and has become more and more attached to it. She's extremely secretive about what she does on it, and I'm getting anxious about this. When DS was this age, I had a login on his phone, and I did look at it every now and again - to see what he was looking at, and sometimes to look in on group-chats (which can get horrible). I didn't get into the habit with this w DD from the off, and it's been a mistake.

I now want to row back on various things, but it's difficult to know how to do this, without it being seen as an invasion of her privacy and/or punitive. Things I want to change:

1. I need to find a way to stop her messing about with changing the time zone on her phone, to evade screen time controls. I've tried, but never managed to make it work - she finds a way around.

1. I'd like to see where it is she is spending so much time. I'm getting alarmed that she's going down some sort of identity rabbit hole, and finding more community/validation online than in real life.

1. I need to find a way to make Screen Time controls work properly, so that the limit is the limit... this is just more difficult than I think it should be.

Heeeelp....

She is 12 not 15. Tell her the phone comes to you to put limits/ passwords etc on it or it's removed full stop

At her age, the ship hasn't sailed

Oh I wouldn't rely on screen limits. Far better is a time limit , so when you decide she's been on there king enough, the phone is out in another room

I agree with CatPawsInn, at her age the ship hasn't sailed.

I would tell her that if she is found to be changing the clock to get round screen time controls, then the phone will be removed. You need to put your foot down with this OP before it gets totally out of control.

I'd also be insisting that the phone is not in her bedroom overnight. I'd tell her that she can have it until 9pm and then she has to give it to you and can have it back in the morning.