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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

AIBU with my DD16

20 replies

Selok · 10/02/2022 20:24

DD16 is a very good child
No problems whatsoever, I feel blessed most of the times except for when the usual teen hormones posses her! She has one bestie girl and the rest of her group are boys whom I know also very well- they are all nice kids. Since they are two girls in the group when the bestie goes to see her dad every other weekend, my DD wants to hang out with the boys. I am not comfortable with this- I only allowed her to go to one of the boys' as he lives round the corner. I can't understand the fact that she has gone to the girls school at secondary and still same school 6th form and only have one girl friend rest are all boys! Now this weekend again the bestie at her dads and this time the gathering is at other boy's house which is not too far from us but still not very close. Would you be ok with it?

OP posts:
Kite22 · 10/02/2022 20:35

Yes.

LefttoherownDevizes · 10/02/2022 20:37

If it wasn't for friends who were boys I would have had a pretty lonely time at secondary.

YABU

Theworldisfullofgs · 10/02/2022 20:38

Yes.
What are you worried about?
If it's about her safety talk to get about it.

Theworldisfullofgs · 10/02/2022 20:38

*her

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 10/02/2022 20:39

Is there a particular reason you don’t trust these boys? My kids are younger so I don’t have direct experience, yet, but I hope I’ll be fine with my DD having male friends and hanging out with them. Overnight stays would be a no from me, but during the day…? I definitely hung out with male friends at that age without anything sinister happening!

Quartz2208 · 10/02/2022 20:41

YEs she is 16 you have to start trusting her and letting her make her own choices.

Original poster
Selok · 10/02/2022 20:45

Thanks a lot! There is nothing really that I don't trust boys they are her very good friends and to be fair more supportive friends than girls- she was in a large girl group eventually became very toxic and ended up with no group at all! But thank you for giving me a better perspective on this

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 10/02/2022 20:48

Like your DD, I had one female friend and several male friends. Quite often, when we went places as a group, I was the girl. My parents were fine with it.

As for only one female friend, the fact that there was only two of us girls in our friendship worked well. It didn't get cliquey and we never fell out - we were the only girls, we couldn't fall out. As much as we loved the boys (platonically) we both needed female company too.

negomi90 · 10/02/2022 21:04

Yes you're being very unreasonable.
You're lucky she's telling you where she is. At that age, I'd expect a nebulous going out to town and not even knowing exactly where.
A curfew for being late and plans of how to get home.

This is with the info you've provided.

I'm expecting a drip feed about a drug/behaviour/special needs issue in your next post.

Original poster
Selok · 10/02/2022 21:25

@negomi90 none of it really! She would either take a taxi or we would pick them up and drop them home, she would be home by 11 latest, no drugs as far as I know

OP posts:
negomi90 · 10/02/2022 21:38

Then let her go.
Remind her that if she's uncomfortable for any reason she can call you and you'll pick her up or pay for a taxi home.

Original poster
Selok · 10/02/2022 21:42

@negomi90 thanks I will do- reading my own post again and thinking I am being unreasonable! Always good to get other Mum's point of views - thanks all

OP posts:
NEUserNamesNotTakenJeez · 10/02/2022 21:45

🙋🏼‍♀️My group at that age was mainly boys. I was a tomboy and cba with the dramatics that came from other girls. If you trust her judgement and she's comfortable, let her enjoy a bitch-free group of friends 😊

RosiePosieDozy · 10/02/2022 21:48

Definitely let her go. If you don't have any reason to think these boys are a bad influence or are dangerous, I don't see an issue. A lot of girls gravitate towards male friends and vice versa. Just make sure she knows that you're ready to come and meet her/pick her up if she ever feels unsafe or uncomfortable.

sadpapercourtesan · 10/02/2022 21:49

YABU, but I'm not judging you for it. It's bloody terrifying when they reach this age and you have to start giving them more freedom. We know what's out there, and how dangerous it can be.

It sounds as though you've got a lovely sensible daughter who talks to you though, so you've got everything going for you - let her go.

Original poster
Selok · 10/02/2022 21:49

@NEUserNamesNotTakenJeez exactly this - she can't be asked by toxic friendship groups drama, back stabbing, bitchiness she finds boys much easier to get on with and the fact that they say what they think as it is unlike girls I suppose!

OP posts:
Original poster
Selok · 10/02/2022 21:56

@sadpapercourtesan she is lovely she tells me everything, she always texts me her whereabouts, when she will be back etc she is doing hard A level subjects too and getting along OK - it is just I guess my worry lies in when they drink a few beers etc but I do know the boys they are also good kids, I shouldn't worry

OP posts:
hartof · 10/02/2022 22:14

Yes. I went to a girls school and even now at26 I get on better with men than women m.

LefttoherownDevizes · 11/02/2022 07:01

DS is the same age and his friendship group is 2 girls and several boys, and tbh they are more interested in snogging the same sex than the opposite

ThirdElephant · 11/02/2022 07:29

I'd be fine with it.

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