Missing my girls

[Lindylu74]

I have DD16 and DD14. They’re both very much in teenage mode, out with their friends or on FaceTime to them, in their rooms at home and rolling their eyes when I go to give them cuddles. They’ve had their ups and downs but are generally good girls. I know it’s normal and good for them to move away from me but does anyone just physically miss the closeness of them when they were young? I have a full time job and hobbies but I miss spending more time with them and I end up irritating them by still trying to recreate that! Looking for some hand holding and advice from those that have been through this stage. Feeling a bit fragile today so please be kind!

I have a DD17 and a DS15 so I know how you feel. I do miss spending time with them but know that it's important for them to be independent.
We always eat together at dinner (no phones) so I catch up with them then. I also arrange to do things with them (theatre with my son, shopping with my daughter), so that we have quality time together.
Although we don't spend a lot of time together I would say that we're still close. They come to me when they're worried or even just to chat about issues.
I'm going to miss them so much when they go to Uni though!

Thanks @follygirl. We also eat together (no phones) and this is a part of the day I’ve always looked forward to but now they sit there glaring at each other and it’s not the most pleasant experience. I’ve recently found they like me to take them for a drive individually and they chat away to me then. You’re right, it’s good they’re independent, just hard for us to let go!

I get you. You're at a hard stage of parenting. I promise it'll become easier again and you'll all enjoy each other's company in a relaxed way.

Mine are nearly 30 and mid 20s we get on well and are close now, but I remember the teenage years where "you" are just an inconvenience and their friend's are everything. You just need to let it pass find something to watch on TV or go out for a coffee or whatever just to reconnect. I think it was probably a bit easier when mind were teens because they didn't have everything to hand like Netflix or tik tok but stick with it they will come back to you.

@mibbelucieachwell @Mrsjayy thanks it’s good to hear from those who’ve already been through it. I think I do need to take it less personally and find something else to do while they’re doing their thing

Mine are in their early 20’s and I don’t see or hear from them unless I do all the running. It’s very sad.

I mean if they like going with you in the car then that's a start, if you get on OK then its definitely not you, don't let them take you for granted though.

@Lindylu74 mine are actually starting to get on with each other. My dd can drive and she takes him to the gym with her. They have lots of 'banter' but I'm told by both of them that it's ok. I'm starting to see them come back to us a bit more now so there is hope!

I understand how you feel op. Bide your time and use this time to boost yourself up and do things that you didn't have the time or energy for before. They will come back to you

In other words, don't push it. Be there when they need you but let them separate themselves off from you in the meantime. They need to do this for their own independence and to become separate individuals. Give them plenty of freedom now and they will bounce back to you later!

@Lindylu74 I came on here this morning to post about exactly the same thing. My DDs are 12 & 14. The 12yo is loving her new secondary school friendship group and spends as much time as possible with them (IRL or on social media). The 14yo more likely to do things with me/us but that's changing.

I know it's natural, and the right thing to happen. But after all the years of them wanting and spend time with me I suddenly feel like I've been dumped! And I don't deal with it at all well.

It's the weekends I struggle with most. I do such long working days I always hope we can do something together - even if it's just watching the same TV show. But it seems hard to manage even that.

I know there are far bigger issues that parents of teens are dealing with. But this one is stumping me.

@Maskerading I know exactly how you feel. Even though I know it’s normal, it feels like a rejection. I went through it first when DD1 was 14 but I had DD2 still wanting to spend a lot of her time with me. Now she’s going through it, it feels tough. I just have to take it when I get it which is not often! I too find watching Tv shows, they particularly like crime ones (!) together is good but recently they love me taking them on a drive. They put on their playlists and start chatting to me about stuff they would never do if we were sat at home. And I can ask questions that they normally just grunt or roll their eyes at in the house but are fine to answer while we’re driving. Mind you it’s not great for the planet or my petrol costs! But like I say I’ve got to take what I can get!

@Lindylu74 I don't drive!! Still I think it is about stepping back. I do work long hours and stay away overnight fairly often, so had been protecting my weekends as family time (so haven't got as established a social life as I should have). Maybe time to just work on that and chill re the DDs!